Laws of Life paper, please criticize

In english we have to do a laws of life paper. my law was never fail to tell someone that they're your hero. i basicly edited a paper i wrote last year to fit the topic, but i was hoping to enlist my litnet buddys to tear my paper apart so i can hopefully get an "a" on it. thanks guys. -Steph-

“Never Fail To Tell Someone There Your Hero”

She thinks about him. His eyes, Shaggy hair, Goofy half smile, and the way he always made her heart skip a beat. The familiar salty tears begin to well up in her eyes, blurring her vision; stinging as they spill over; leaving a salt-kissed-trail down her blotchy face, and the previous tear tracks become the familiar overflowing rivers once again.
That boy, yeah that’s the one. He broke my heart; put it back together again only to shatter it with broken promises, and dreams never to come true. He took away my blade, when the temptation was more then I could handle. He broke the chains that bound me in pain, but I never knew that he wore them as his own. He taught me to be free, releasing me from my prison cell, while imprisoning him self. And when did I understand this? When it was too late to say ‘thank you, you’re my hero’ and that he had unknowingly saved my life…repaired my heart…became my soul…and turned around and left me in despair.
Isa and I where the fairy-tell couple: Romeo and Juliet, prince charming and Cinderella, I was his fairy princess, he was my knight in shining armor. Silly jokes, silly quotes, songs that we revised, and a million memories never to be forgotten, he was the one guy I could truly be myself around. I could literally talk to him about everything; life, death, faith, hope, history, love, Disney, and anything else I could possibly think of. He not only accepted my randomness, but he encouraged it, things like that will never be forgotten, and can never be replaced. “The memories remain, but they will never replace the sound of our never ending laughter, the stars in your eyes the way your hand felt in mine, and even the memories of us cant capture the love that engulfs our hearts.”
“Hacuna-mattata, it’s our worry free, philosophy…hacuna-mattata!” watching lion king in his room was one of the many things we did together like, seriously, EVERY day. His waterbed was covered in black and red fuzzy pillows, but an accident with the washing machine had turned one pink; Isa grabbed the pink pillow and hit me with it, instigating a pillow fight during the best part of lion king. So being me, I pretended to be hurt.
“Ouch that hurt!” I whined with a few fake tears in my eyes.
“Aww I’m sorry, please forgive me, please, please, please…” he begged
“Nu-uh your mean!” I tossed back grabbing a pillow and hitting him with it
“Hey no fair, cheater” he said as he quickly grabbed Mr. cuddles.
Well that was Isa for you he never played fair, but as his mother walked in and saw what was taking place, she tried to stifle her laughter by saying ”are we having a lovers quarrel?’’
“Nope just acting like puffins” we simultaneously replied.
Looking back on the memory of us skipping through the mall arm in arm, singing a WAY off key version of lion kings, “can you feel the love tonight”? Anyone who knew us, would simply laugh, shake there head and tell you it was just another day with us. But it could never be just another day… this day was special, it was the next chapter in our fairy-tell, and the last time he would fall over laughing, and hold me like it was the end of the world. A small satin box, tied with a simple silk ribbon held the proof of his love in the form of a shining silver ring…a pledge of forever…the one that would destroy my heart, soul, dreams, and almost annihilate my very existence.
We where suppose to meet in a church one day, and be united forever, instead two days later I met him at that church, except it was to say goodbye. I wish I could have helped him; and more then anything I wish I would have taken the chance to say that he was my hero… my best friend. He wore my pain like a heavy coat over his own. Never reaching out for help, never a complaint, he just took my pain like Jesus took my sin, he was my hero…my savior…my love.
He changed my life in too many ways to list; he was my shining star on a cloudy night. He gave me life, taught me to live and stay strong; And that suicide is just a way of handing your friends your pain, but more then anything he taught me to take advantage of every chance that you are given to tell someone that they are your hero. Because tomorrow may not be in God’s plan. What did all of these lessons cost? It cost him his life.
He was that boy, the one she dreamed of forever with, and the one who said that dream would come true. He broke her heart, put it back together again, only to shatter it with broken promises, and dreams that will never come true. He took away my blade and pricked his own skin. He broke my chains, yet bound himself with them. He took me out of my prison and imprisoned himself. He stole me from death, yet he sacrificed himself. He was everything to me, and he never really knew it. Sure he knew that I loved him, but never did I tell him he was my hero, I always put It off, I thought I would have plenty of opportunities, but I was wrong, it seems to work out that way a lot. We let people know that we love them, but never think about he fact that one day it will be too late to tell them that they saved your life, and that they are your hero. But he taught me to be free, by giving me his freedom, and then went to seek his own, but the escaped he so craved came only in death. He sought the opportunity, found it, and flew away without so much as a goodbye.