Presidential Bash
George Washington could not tell a lie—
Unusual for a Political guy…
Fathered the country, isn’t it sad
That he never really was a dad?
John Adams, forgotten president—
In history made quite a dent
He was the first to have to declare
Scandal for “The XYZ Affair”…
Thomas Jefferson, known as TJ
Was a moral man, or so they say
But he was known to dilly-dally
With his black mistress, Sally…
James Madison was short and light
Smallest President to fight the fight
He sank into a deep melancholy
And the country was run by Dolly!
James Monroe brought up the “Monroe Doctrine” which
In words was not exactly tactful rich
In short, the vital message was
“Mind your own business and don’t bother us!”
John Quincy Adams was a brilliant man,
Harvard Graduate, with major plans
His slovenly dress brought his wife to tears
He wore the same hat for ten years!
Andrew Jackson was a fiery guy
Loved to drink beer when he was dry
When a dude insulted Jackson’s wife
He called a duel and took the fellow’s life…
Martin Van Buren was quite the fop
Wearing fancy duds from the best shops
He also loved gourmet food and wine
Whenever he sat down to dine!
William Harrison wished to prove his worth
By walking in the rain with mirth
He caught pneumonia instead, poor guy
And in one month he lay down and died…
John Tyler gained the Presidency
In such a way as to be nicknamed “His Accidency”
Considered such an outlaw politician
His home was known as “Sherwood Forest” with his permission…
James K Polk
The “Manifest Destiny” bloke
Gave into the greed of the white man
By taking over the Indians’ land…
Zachary Taylor, “Old Rough and Ready”
Tried to make dressing like a slob a faddy
Second guy to die in office then
People thought poison did him in
Milliard Fillmore was never elected
When they nominated, his name was neglected
What could you expect from this fool-hardy
Who ran for office on “The Know-Nothing Party”?
Franklin Pierce made the “Gadsden Purchase”
Southwest US gained new surface
He held office during “Bloody Kansas” and
Fist-fights in Congress on the other hand
James Buchanan had no First Lady
Seems he was not overready
To take the plunge into wedded bliss—
He thought marriage quite the abyss
Abraham Lincoln, tallest President
Revered by all for slavery’s abolishment
He was told that he looked weird
First President to grow a beard!
Andrew Johnson, so they teach
Was first to hear the term “impeach”
He had no schooling at all, indeed
He was seventeen before his wife taught him to read!
Ulysses S. Grant never had a fling
But then there was “The Whiskey Ring”
Tax Evasion! Well, what have you got—
When you decide to elect a sot?
Rutherford B. Hayes, nicknamed “His Fraudulency”
Because they said he stole the Presidency
His First Lady served only lemonade
People slipped out to drink in the shade…
James A. Garfield was a smart brother
Wrote Latin with one hand, Greek with the other
He refused to give a man a job, who grabbed a pistol
The first guy recorded to go postal…
Chester A Arthur, “Elegant Arthur”— he
Known for dressing like a dandy
One major quote of his is this:
“My private life is my own @!!&** business!”
Grover Cleveland was a hangman
Sent two criminals to face the end
Elected twice but not back to back
His wife said: “Save the furniture, we’ll be back!”
Benjamin Harrison, “The Pious Moonlight Dude”
Wooed his wife in the evening, we conclude
That she must have been a pretty miss
Or maybe Benny was drunk during all of this
William McKinley when he was wounded cried
“Don’t let them hurt that guy!”
But when he died, the public voice declared
His assassin would fry in the electric chair…
Theodore Roosevelt charged up San Juan Hill—
Not really, it was another, but he wrote his own bill…
His Presidency did a double take
With Teddy holding up his muckrake…
William Howard Taft
Was considered a bit daft
And so huge was this noble guy
He got stuck in the bathtub and cried…
Woodrow Wilson preached isolation and prohibition
No wonder the US got in such condition!
“Am I my brother’s keeper?” was Cain’s thinking
And you cannot stop folks from drinking…
Warren G Harding, anyone know ‘im?
Just recall “The Teapot Dome”
One of the worst political scandals in history—
Did Harding know? Well, that’s the mystery…
Calvin Coolidge was a man of few words
His speeches were thus absurd
“I can make you say more than two words!” a woman cooed
“Cool Cal” Coolidge replied: “You lose!”
Herbert Hoover always gets bashed
For the 1929 Stock Market Crash
Sure, blame the guy who’s President
For your poor judgment and investment!
Franklin D Roosevelt had staying power
Four terms of office! Man of the Hour!
He swung into office with the “New Deal”
And Prohibition Repeal
Harry S Truman dropped “The Bomb”
And, what the heck we had another one
Right or wrong, here’s the thing
He ended the war with a bang!
Dwight D Eisenhower Supreme Commander during D-Day
Ordered escorts in Little Rock for blacks on school days
Even if it caused a fight
Dwight stood for what was right!
John F Kennedy won a Pulitzer Prize
You might say he had wondering eyes
Birthday wishes sung by Marylyn Monroe
He had good taste as far as women go…
Lyndon B Johnson had a plan
But it went South in Vietnam
He probably should have kept at “Great Society”
Instead of making war his propriety
Richard M Nixon is not a crook—
I know, because I read his book
Oh how scandal proliferates
Around the name of “Watergate”…
Gerald Ford, loveable stumbler
Became President on a bungler
Pardoned the former President—
Was this the reason for two assassination attempts?
Jimmy Carter showed us his teeth
A man who wanted Middle East Peace
Seeing things was Jimmy’s habit—
Like a UFO and a “giant swimming rabbit”
Ronald Regan had his “Voodoo Economics”
And other wild and crazy frolics
Did he give permission for “Iran Contra” in November?
Don’t ask him, he couldn’t remember…
George HW Bush
Fell on his tush
And ralphed on a man
Premier of Japan
Bill Clinton found a page attractive
Which made all his lust proactive
Upcoming movie is, I swear
“Dances in His Underwear”…
George W Bush, known as “Dubya” to all
Decided to listen in on everyone’s calls
He said there were WMD’s in Iraq—
There weren’t but he keeps going back…
Pendragon
© June 15, 2008
