When They Overthrew The World

**This is part 1.2 of my ongoing work, titled The Politics Of Exile. If you have not yet read the first part, I recommend you first start with that at: http://www.online-literature.com/for...ad.php?t=35365
If you have commented on the first one, chances are I sent you a message letting you know about this, the second installment. If not, and you are first coming to this, and you first read the first part (the link above) and then this, please let me know what you think, if you have any suggestions, and also if you have criticism (as long as it's constructive). If you would like me to message you about future installments, just mention something in your comment, or send me a message. Otherwise, if I did message you about the second installment and you would wish I did not in the future, also let me know, as I don't want to be rude :) . Any-hoo, on to the poem. It's kind of a discourse about my take on existentialism and personal philosophy. Peace- Chris


The many antics of man fall motionless
before the grey screen of history.
Only drumrolls and brief explosions
collect within its memory.
Fate is an obscene gesture;
A lazy attempt at giving the annals of mans strivings
a cover between which to fall.
I ask you, is such justification necessary?
And if so, for God's sake, why?
Has the moment been lost upon us?
Have we already forgotten the meaningfullness
of meaningless self expression?
Is such self expression really meaningless after all?
For me, therein lies the value.

Animals such as us sometimes walk
for no better reason than to cast a shadow
and kick around a couple of rocks.
There is an entire universe upon those rocks, after all.
They have seen the maturation of our world.

Animals such as us have learned to express ourselves.
We have learned to paint, carve, draw, sculpt, and sing,
but we forget to play.
We forget to live.
We forget that life itself is the most perfect artform.
The most flexible.
The most honest.
Recognizing and manipulating the full spectrum
of human experience,
as if the spectrum was a set of paints
ranging from flawless whites
to bleeding burgandies
to blazing yellows
to mellow greyish blues (my favorite color of them all).
Experience deep scarring pain
so as to contrast it against overwhelming joy.
Be proud to aquire a sense of true humility,
and from that gain the kind of honest wisdom
that most never achieve before death.
I am twenty three years old.
I am a hundred thousand years wise.
It did not come easy.
It won't for you, either.
It is possible, however, in this fashion,
for man to become like God.
The only kind of immortality
which is possible for the likes of us to achieve,
and how glorious it is.
This is my philosophy, and also where my story begins.

**Again, any and all comments welcome, as well as criticism, as long as it's constructive. Peace!

I'm afraid that for me it began to feel wordy about half-way along. I wanted the speaker to come down off of his soap-box and wander among the crowd, maybe engage with them or observe what they were about - not in this macro way, but eyeball to eyeball.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sparr0w

Animals such as us have learned to express ourselves.
We have learned to paint, carve, draw, sculpt, and sing,
but we forget to play.

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Unfortunately, I must agree with Prince M. From the posted paragraph down needs a rewrite. Instead of telling us your point of view, show us your point of view. This doen't reach the value of your first posting. You did run well, no room for hinderences now! :) ;)

I agree, that is if you just look at what I've posted so far as it is, but you have to keep in mind that I am posting slowly, part by part, what is to be a book. I need you guys to trust me when I say that this will all make sense when you see the whole thing, or at least the whole first chapter. None of these are really meant to be taken as individual poems, but constituants of a much larger work. Perhaps it would be in my best interest to wait and post when I have several at a time. Just thought it would be a bit more "teasing" this way. Thanks for the feedback, though. As I have said many times in the past, I do value constructive criticism, but you have to take my word on this. It will all make sense in due time. Thanks for the feedback, though! Peace- Chris ;)

I liked a lot of the verses here, sparr0w, but do agree with the p's.b.m... However, I will take your word for it and will be waiting for your next posts/ :D

i like the idea behind this and most recently to me poetry has been for of a way to express ideas more than anything.

if i`d have to say which of your "hundred thousand years" of imagery was i`d have to go with....

"Animals such as us sometimes walk
for no better reason than to cast a shadow
and kick around a couple of rocks.
There is an entire universe upon those rocks, after all.
They have seen the maturation of our world."

this line blew me back a few heart beats. like some subliminal thought always caressing my mind.


but the idea i like the most is how we learn the ways of the world, but forget the ways of ourself. Joy, bliss, all these things we cast away to obtain more knowledge that we never put to use.

sorry just ranting.

anyway i love this piece for the idea it holds and all it`s meaningfulness.

Again, I loved your insights. But I think that you should perhaps go into the story now, and use this later on in the book when the premise has been introduced . . .

But nevertheless, I enjoyed it.

sparrOw - Perhaps I liked the first one too much and now I am overly critical of the second. The beginning of the second is very strong to the first point that put me off, which is "I ask you..." it is not necessary because you are asking me. These asides work sometime in poetry but not often.

The middle to me languishes in its accounting of what makes us who we are. I love the philosophy in your writing, but this one needs a little work I think.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by sparr0w

Animals such as us sometimes walk
for no better reason than to cast a shadow
and kick around a couple of rocks.
There is an entire universe upon those rocks, after all.
They have seen the maturation of our world.

---

Like Lucidnightmares, I really liked this outstanding stand-alone stanza. You started to lose me after the first few lines of stanza three. However, I still liked it enough that I will be watching for your next instalment. :)