sein Licht unter den Scheffel stellen

The air speaks of something
in the distance;
perhaps of the absence
in your eyes.
They all turn to me
as if to question;
and wordlessly
speak of compromise.
Your towers were built
upon those caves,
whose strength has eroded
day by day and far beyond the point of merciless.
The ground gives in
as expected
and you fall into dust
as before your were a child.
Educate me,
my brave nomadic king;
To which direction from here
do you see yourself being thrown?

*As always, feedback greatly appreciated, negative or positive.

**The title is German for "(to) Hide ones light under a bushell", a term used in the gospels (at least that's what I'm told).

The title, even before I read the translation of it, put me in mind of cantatas by Bach, and the poem itself, while indisputably in your own voice, reminded me of some of firefangled recent poems, high praiser indeed. This is one of the best of yours that I have seen so far. My only criticism would be that you might begin a new verse

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sparr0w

The air speaks of something
in the distance;
perhaps of the absence
in your eyes.
They all turn to me
as if to question;
and wordlessly
speak of compromise.
Your towers were built
upon those caves,
whose strength has eroded
day by day and far beyond the point of merciless.
The ground gives in
as expected
and you fall into dust
as before your were a child.
hereEducate me,
my brave nomadic king;
To which direction from here
do you see yourself being thrown?

*As always, feedback greatly appreciated, negative or positive.

**The title is German for "(to) Hide ones light under a bushell", a term used in the gospels (at least that's what I'm told).

---

I'm guessing you enjoyed writing this as much as I did reading it!

Yes, this is actually part one of seven of an epic I have been working on. I will be realeasing them in sparse throughout the next month, most likely. I probably won't make mention that they are related as I post them, but if you would like, I will post them all in one string on my siter-site which I am working on, as an effort to consolidate all the things I post across the internet (here and several places elsewhere). If you would like, message me and I'll give you the address. Also, I'm getting scared, because this is the second time in a week that I have been related to another poet. I enjoy praise, but highly value my own unique style, and as I don't take it as an insult, I have to be honest that it does kind of bother me.

I'm speechless, Iv'e read it multiple times and no words can come to mind to describe it.
I am interrested in the way it is written, I never read an epic before, or I don't remember reading one (which is the most likely scenario)
the first and last set of lines stand out in my head
but for now I think I'll just let the image sit in my mind for awhile

Thanks, lucid! You know how much I value your input. I have had some trouble writing since I gave up my, er, "habit". Back in the day something like this would have taken me maybee twenty minutes, but now, writing with a much clearer head, this short piece took me close to three hours. I guess it will just take a while to get back into my groove. Again, thank you so much for your response. I believe this is the first time someone said I left them "speechless". I'll take that as a good sign ;) peace- Chris