Old Soul (Sarah's Ballad)

**Okay, this one requires a short explanation. It's about a good friend of mine who is addicted to herion and recently lost custody of her two daughters. These are actually lyrics to a song I just finished writing. Let me know what you think. As always, constructive criticism also appreciated. Thanks for reading -Chris


She came over it all with a grin
as she always did.
After all she's just a little girl
wearing big mommy shoes,
and she nods out
forgetting her place in this world.
she's an old soul...
Oh how sweet
can this nothingness be;
Perfect void of
most anything.
A complete lack of sickness
for several sweet moments at least.
And you peel as if skin from the sky,
but it doesn't much matter now.
Do your cigarette burns
serve as faithful reminders?
Ambiguous footnotes?
In the end it becomes
what you fought all along
if you just give it time-
you kill off one disease
just to die of another.


**Also, I apologize to anyone who may have seen it for my earlier post "To Hell With Kurt Cobain". I was very sick and angry and hadn't slept for a couple days, and I should have not posted it. That one, I probably should have kept to myself. Sorry. :bawling:

Be nice to hear it sung...

I usually can figure out anyone's song as I am a singer/songwriter myself (but I play everything by ear, I never learned to read music). This time I can start yours, but I fall apart rather quickly. Perhaps if there were breaks where your music breaks? I think you capture your subject well and the closing couplet is so sad...

Pen

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Originally Posted by sparr0w

Also, I apologize to anyone who may have seen it for my earlier post "To Hell With Kurt Cobain". I was very sick and angry and hadn't slept for a couple days, and I should have not posted it. That one, I probably should have kept to myself. Sorry. :bawling:

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Apology accepted but certainly not necessary. And I disagree with you. You should not have kept that one to yourself. Thank you.

I love the compassion in this and wish to honour it for these lines in particular:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sparr0w

And you peel as if skin from the sky,

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Quote:

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you kill off one disease
just to die of another.

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That, of course, is a devastating conclusion!

Thanks again guys. between the personal messages I've been getting and the love from the caring comments on my little rant earlier, I really feel I've made some good friends on here. Oh, and Pendragon, believe it or not, those ARE where the music breaks... heh, I guess you would have to hear it. Yeah, I play by ear, too. I learned how to write tabs a long time ago, and am finally just starting to learn to write music, but I pretty much go by memory (I havent forgotten one word or one note from any poems or songs I've written since I was 11), and am lucky enough to be able to translate what I hear in my head to actual parts (I usually write piano, bass, and second guitar parts to accompany, in the hopes of having someone to jam with again soon) without much trouble. I could tab it out for you, if you'd like.

I like it, at least for the poertic value of the words, and would like to hear the song if at all possible. I really like the line "And you peel as if skin from the sky."

I also agree you should not have kept the poem To Hell with Kurt Cobain from being posted. It really shows raw emotion. Though, I am curious, are you a fan of his music, or were you?

About Nirvana, I was a huge fan at one point (listened obsessively from 93 to probably 97). Don't realy dislike them persay, just burned out on it. I must admit I'm curious about your name... Mutatis-Mutandi? Seems like the kind of name with something interesting behind it...

I would love to hear this ballad yourself singing Chris. Is that possible? In this poetry, there are many lines almost all worked for me and it reminds me of my teenage days. Poem written from the heart looks like this and this is one of my favourite poem Chris. Thank you very much for sharing.

The following lines are really poignant which flash backed me to my early days. The last 5 lines are really heartbreaking one which I loved the most. They really made me cry. I'd read your earlier work whenever I get time again.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sparr0w

After all she's just a little girl
wearing big mommy shoes,
and she nods out
forgetting her place in this world.

---

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sparr0w

Oh how sweet
can this nothingness be;
Perfect void of
most anything.

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by sparr0w

Do your cigarette burns
serve as faithful reminders?

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by sparr0w

In the end it becomes
what you fought all along
if you just give it time-
you kill off one disease
just to die of another.

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Keep up your good work Chris! :thumbs_up

Well, my name is a mistake, in a way. I usually go by the name Mutatis-Mutandis, but I forgot the last "s" when I registered. Mutatis mutandis is latin for "those things having been changed which need to be changed," or "necessary changes having been made." I would like to say I am a scholar of Latin, but truth be told, I got the name from a Mudvayne song.

i`d really like to hear this one is action.
the lyrics are beautiful , an optimistic girl who never really got used to life, got used and hurt.

"Do your cigarette burns
serve as faithful reminders?"


you should post a video somewhere, i`m interested as to how the lyrics would come out with such feeling.


"Oh how sweet
can this nothingness be;
Perfect void of
most anything."

i think that`s the one line that really stuck with me.
it`s nice, i`d like to see more lyrics from you, maybe some more of your songs that you haven`t posted yet?

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Originally Posted by sparr0w

Thanks again guys. between the personal messages I've been getting and the love from the caring comments on my little rant earlier, I really feel I've made some good friends on here. Oh, and Pendragon, believe it or not, those ARE where the music breaks... heh, I guess you would have to hear it. Yeah, I play by ear, too. I learned how to write tabs a long time ago, and am finally just starting to learn to write music, but I pretty much go by memory (I havent forgotten one word or one note from any poems or songs I've written since I was 11), and am lucky enough to be able to translate what I hear in my head to actual parts (I usually write piano, bass, and second guitar parts to accompany, in the hopes of having someone to jam with again soon) without much trouble. I could tab it out for you, if you'd like.

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I would like that, Sparrow. I have my guitar here by the computer desk all the time. :) But send it to my PM, OK? Unless others are interested as well.