To hell with Kurt Cobain

When the sickness is overbearing
and you feel your kidneys throbbing.
When you stay up in promise of
the next blow...
is this what you meant?
Did you mean to tell us
that nothing is worth anything?
That heroin will rape you
of much more than your soul...
is this what you meant to tell us,
you sick bastard?
You hid behind your punk rock
and your blonde hair
and your sexy "quiet artist" facade.
You acted as if life
could make for a good book...
I curse your soul.
You never really told us
that we would wake up
choking on our vomit,
that we would end up in flop-houses
making trips on the "L"
down to Adams Street to hustle dumb tourists
for ten dollars...
You never mentioned that we would trade one sick
for another
and despise ourselves for it.
To hell with you, Kurt Cobain.
You lying ****.
This is my last stand.
Do any of you know what it feels like
to be a junkie?
you sit in your perfect lives
and pretend to have problems,
when in fact you are just a drama-hog
just like the rest of them.
Most of you are still in high school.
Most of you still have something to lose.
If I sound angry, it's because I am.
The world ****ed me
and I can only blame myself.
Do you have any idea how infuriating that is?
When the only person you can scream at and strike blows at
is that aging bastard in the mirror?
To hell with heroin shiek
and doctor phil
and the rest of them.
I only wish
that before I finished all of this
I could have published something.
Unless I change my mind, my last words are this...
Give up writing. Give up entertainment.
Go to school, go into business. Have a family. Forget being immortal.
The world forgets people like us before we even pass.
Peace.

The fury in this is amazing but as a piece of confessional self-analysis it falls somewhat short. Notwithstanding the glamour of Cobain's life & death, did he really compel you to follow him? And if he had not existed wouldn't you have found it necessary to create him?

Yeah, actually I have to apologize for even posting this one. As it says in the poem, and I'm just being honest here, I've been struggling with heroin for a while now, and I was up all night dopesick. When I get dopesick, I get very angry and misdirect my energies in destructive ways. This is one of the ones I should have just written to get it out of my system, and then tore it up. I do that alot. It's theraputic. That's what I should have done here. On an up note though, it compelled me to finish writing this song I've been working on for over a year now. It's one of those songs that's gone through dozens of sets of lyrics, and about as many revisions on the music itself. I'm finally done with it, I think. In fact, I think I'll post the lyrics now. They make for a pretty good poem. Most of my music avoids the whole verse/chorus/verse pattern. Instead, it's usually a block of non-repetitive music (I go in 16 measure cycles), followed by a breakdown into the lyrics, in kind of one long verse, followed by more music. This one, despite how short the lyrics are (for me anyways) is almost eight minutes long. It's about a friend of mine, Sarah, who is also addicted to heroin (and has been for almost 15 years) who just lost custody of her two daughters, Lilly and Athena. So yeah, check it out if you want, anyone who reads this, I'm gonna go post it right now. It's called "Old Soul". Sorry again for the rant. Peace!-Chris

Look, Chris, if ranting will help you bust that habit, mon ami, rant on! You know that it will eventually kill you and you need to quit and you say you are struggling, which tells me you don't want to stay in that shape. So rant in you need to. Preface your poem with a "Help! This is a Rant!" People here can be amazingly caring about problems. Take it from someone they help quite often.

Pen

as Pendragon said we are all eager to help, there may not be anything that we can do but wer`e willing to try. hell even if it`s just listening or whatever.

the poem itself was brutally honest to a point where my stomach started to cave in from fear, mostly because i guess i`m kinda like the latter lines...

"you sit in your perfect lives
and pretend to have problems,
when in fact you are just a drama-hog
just like the rest of them.
Most of you are still in high school.
Most of you still have something to lose."

your way to smart to go like that, so don`t.

Man, you guys, I really appreciate all of your comments. I hate to be the guy on here causing drama and posting angry rants, but things have gotten really bad lately, a bit worse than I can handle at the moment. On monday Im going to call up the hospital and get myself on the list for state-aided detox, after which I'm going back on methadone. Again, sorry for making my business so public, as its not a pretty thing to talk about, but you have no idea how much your support means to me. You guys, my friends on here, all of you, are pretty much all I have at the moment in the way of support, so again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you!!! Truly-Chris

When u gotta vent, u gotta vent. :)

Good luck to you, I hope you can get clan.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by sparr0w

When the sickness is overbearing
and you feel your kidneys throbbing.
When you stay up in promise of
the next blow...
is this what you meant?
Did you mean to tell us
that nothing is worth anything?
That heroin will rape you
of much more than your soul...
is this what you meant to tell us,
you sick bastard?
You hid behind your punk rock
and your blonde hair
and your sexy "quiet artist" facade.
You acted as if life
could make for a good book...
I curse your soul.
You never really told us
that we would wake up
choking on our vomit,
that we would end up in flop-houses
making trips on the "L"
down to Adams Street to hustle dumb tourists
for ten dollars...
You never mentioned that we would trade one sick
for another
and despise ourselves for it.
To hell with you, Kurt Cobain.
You lying ****.
This is my last stand.
Do any of you know what it feels like
to be a junkie?
you sit in your perfect lives
and pretend to have problems,
when in fact you are just a drama-hog
just like the rest of them.
Most of you are still in high school.
Most of you still have something to lose.
If I sound angry, it's because I am.
The world ****ed me
and I can only blame myself.
Do you have any idea how infuriating that is?
When the only person you can scream at and strike blows at
is that aging bastard in the mirror?
To hell with heroin shiek
and doctor phil
and the rest of them.
I only wish
that before I finished all of this
I could have published something.
Unless I change my mind, my last words are this...
Give up writing. Give up entertainment.
Go to school, go into business. Have a family. Forget being immortal.
The world forgets people like us before we even pass.
Peace.

---

Chris, this throws much rage against him for what you've become. I'm a big fan of Nirvana as well and I still listen them when I'm down but I can understand your current situation which I recommend you not to make it even worser and my recommendation is to go through rehabilitation. Chris, ranting is what we do when we don't what we are doing, but definitely a way to throw all the smouldered anguish and all the despise we accumulated. But seek for some good advice and don't make it worse.

Love,
Dibyendra