My Thoughts on My Fascination With Pride and Prejudice
Jane Austen’s Mr. Darcy has captured the hearts of women across all spectrums, across the globe. Mr. Darcy is a sexy, compelling figure encompassing all of the aspects society deems so desirable in the ideal mate. Tall, dark, handsome, and wealthy are the initial, superficial characteristics that draw us to Mr. Darcy. Upon closer inspection, we find Mr. Darcy to be kind, considerate and compassionate. He finds his true love in the “every woman”. Elizabeth Bennet is not the reputed beauty, the wealthy heiress, or the women of accomplishment expected to catch the fancy of such a sought after bachelor. Elizabeth Bennet is the girl next door. The girl so many of us are. In addition to average looks and little wealth, Elizabeth is further encumbered by a family with a large element of the ridiculous to it. Her mother and younger sisters are silly and superficial and her father does his family an injustice, loathe to involve himself in anything other than his own pursuits. Mr. Darcy embarks on his own personal journey and is a better man for it. He comes to recognize and appreciate who Elizabeth is in spite of all of the societal marks against her and is willing to buck the system, if you will, to have her. What woman doesn’t dream of finding the man who will put all expectations aside and sweep her off of her feet? There is little wonder as to why Mr. Darcy has remained “the” romantic icon of all time.
I have only recently discovered Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet. Interestingly, I found this wonderful couple at a time when my own personal situation was sadly lacking and under intense scrutiny. I picked up the Keira Knightly and Matthew McFadyen version of Pride and Prejudice and popped it into the DVD player one Sunday afternoon when I was feeling particularly vulnerable and lonely in the midst of an extended physical separation between my husband and myself. I was instantly smitten. Like most of the female population, I felt an instant connection to the character of Mr. Darcy. I headed to the local bookstore to obtain the book by Jane Austen. I was hooked. I have read the book over and over again. I can't get enough. I've read essay after essay online about these characters and went on to rent other Jane Austen inspired movies. Having previously never been obsessed with a fictional character, I began to explore reasons for my profound attachment. Eventually it became clear; Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet, through their courtship and love story, embodied all that I’ve found in my own courtship and love story with my husband. Of course, direct parallels are not to be found, it is in the spirit of the principals where the similarities lie.
My husband and I are a modern day Lizzy and Mr. Darcy. Upon our meeting, my husband was a young Lieutenant in the U.S. Air Force. I was a young Airman. Ours was a love match prohibited by the Uniform Code of Military Justice. Just as Mr. Darcy discovers in Pride and Prejudice, love knows no rank. Despite our best efforts, my future intended and I could not seem to avoid the sparks that flew each time we met. From the beginning, reasons for our attraction were not to be found. Being a military officer in the post Officer and a Gentleman era, there was no short supply of women finding this young man a desirable and sought after bachelor. I was a rather plain young lady from a poor, and barely respectable family. Some say I possessed a wit and sense of humor rare to women in my situation. Others say I was rather acerbic and needed to know my place in the centuries old rank and file of the military. Whatever the perception, I tried to find my place in the male dominated world of soldiers without compromising myself as a woman and as an individual. My husband has often been described by those under him as intimidating and unapproachable. He has been described as quiet, somber and socially withdrawn. Like Mr. Darcy before him, I’m convinced his quiet compassion and dedication to the duties of the office laid before him have been mistaken for pride and contempt.
From our very first meeting, my husband and I were drawn to one another. It was the joke amongst the soldiers that they had to physically restrain my husband from seeking me out. It never failed we ran into each other on a regular basis. Eventually, we came to a point where we had to accept there was something between us. Unfortunately, our differences in military rank prohibited us from socializing. Finally, against our better judgment we decided to begin seeing each other secretly. We had to determine if what we felt was real. Soon, it became clear it was. We knew we were destined for each other. I left the military and soon we were wed. Over the course of the last fifteen years, the differences between us have been a source of controversy and misunderstanding, as I predict was the same for the Darcy’s. We’ve squabbled over his stubbornness and sense of superiority in addition to my affinity toward my family and the myriad of other infinities against me. We’ve argued over the follies of my family and the snobbery of his family. We’ve pretty much argued about everything from pork and beans to world peace. We have loved each other with equal passion.
Today, my husband serves his country in the war zone in Iraq. His sense of duty and honor is as pure and solid as any Mr. Darcy felt to his own family. It is this sense of duty and honor that keeps him from me, and our three children. It is in his absence that I sought comfort in the lives of Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy. It is in the lives of Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy that I find understanding of myself, my husband, and our current situation. It is in the love story of Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy that I recognize my husband and myself and I routinely give thanks to Jane Austen for providing me this tiny comfort at this time of unrest for our fellow countrymen and for my beloved husband and myself. My husband will be home for the warzone in a few short weeks and we will continue on with our own “happily ever after”.
