Not worth a title

Having never made it past the 10th grade I know nothing of the "rules" of poetry.... I doubt that I've produced anything of value..... a bit of self-indulgent whining at best.

I know the emotions that I feel & would like to convey; but in trying to make things rhyme and establish patterns, it just comes out as corny.

That being said; here's a bit of drivel to entertain (or horrify) you.



My father’s life upon the sea
A rough and tumble occupation
Passed to him from the prior generation
Has now been handed down to me.

A father’s pride in his son
The pat on the back, the approving smile
The “job well done”, the “lets chat a while”
This is something I’ve never won.

A father’s love I’m forever denied
This dashes my soul
Like a boat on a shoal
As no wind in my sails and an opposing tide.

But a real love has found me
In the form of a man
With him beside me I know that can
Face each new day upon life’s cold sea.



From this point forward; I promise to leave the poetry to those that have talent.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BibliophileTRJ

Having never made it past the 10th grade I know nothing of the "rules" of poetry.... I doubt that I've produced anything of value..... a bit of self-indulgent whining at best.

I know the emotions that I feel & would like to convey; but in trying to make things rhyme and establish patterns, it just comes out as corny.

That being said; here's a bit of drivel to entertain (or horrify) you.



My father’s life upon the sea
A rough and tumble occupation
Passed to him from the prior generation
Has now been handed down to me.







A father’s pride in his son
The pat on the back, the approving smile
The “job well done”, the “lets chat a while”
This is something I’ve never won.

A father’s love I’m forever denied
This dashes my soul
Like a boat on a shoal
As no wind in my sails and an opposing tide.

But a real love has found me
In the form of a man
With him beside me I know that can
Face each new day upon life’s cold sea.



From this point forward; I promise to leave the poetry to those that have talent.

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i dont agree about letting poetry to those with talent
talent is something that you have to make grow like a plant
it is not already grown
i hope you understand what i want to say

i think poetry is the way that you set your feelings in a paper, it doesnt have to be loved by every one, its important that you do what you like and not what other people are supposed to listen,

also if you practice you'll undestand that you are not that bad as you think

"talent is something that you have to make grow like a plant"
Experience is more like the incremental growth of a plant. Talent is a person's distinct individual adeptness at a certain task, or versatile tasks, which provides impetus for expansive development.

Well I'm in the tenth grade now and I can assure you that your poetry is fairly decent. I've seen poetry that's a lot worse than yours so don't start chiding and limiting yourself. I've always believed that the main objective of poetry is to never marginalize your thoughts or force your rhymes. Let the ideas flow and permit your own stock of vocabulary to take course. Don't ruminate over words until you've lost track of the general idea you intend to convey. While finishing your first or second stanza always be aware of how the following stanzas connect and flow with the first few so that you establish continuity and don't confuse your readers. Poetry can be vaguely worded so as to be interpreted in various forms by different people, it can be strongly worded so as to get your direct word across or it can fluctuate in low or high tensions. Imagination and wording is the most important factor of poetry. You can't write a piece that is too cliche and you can't force your rhymes.... Forcing your rhymes can turn a potentially good, generated work of poetry into abysmal drivel. The Idea and the way it is conveyed is the main focus. If you read your poetry and realize it sounds too much like something you've read, heard or written before, you should cancel it out and start afresh.

This is my thought. I hope you can respect it even if you don't want to agree with it.

geez bib...i think it's a great poem...anyhoz what are rules for but to be broken, forgotten, challenged and revised..and it's worthy of a title, too....thank you for opening a door n2 yr life...i look 4ward to yr next contribution...

Aww i liked it Biblio.
It may have not been your traditional structure-orientated type of poem but it had soul and lots of heart. In the end i think that is what makes a good read.

I loved your boat metaphor and "lifes cold sea". I really identified with that "cold sea" part actuallly, and rather liked how you started out with a stanza about your dad and things past and ended up with a beat of optimism and hope.
Please do keep practicing! No one will improve without a bit of practice