Regret Of Death.

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01-27-2007, 04:53 AM
spacetoon

Regret Of Death.

Hi

Here is my second work.. It's a story about Death himself.

Regret of Death

Chapter 1

The manner of death became part of humanity since he were created. We can't change fate, but it may change us. The fear of death as well became part of us. His unpleasant manner combined to-gather with our fear to output regret. Humanity hadn't challenged Death, the disease who was spread since earth created, the cure of life. They welcomed Death in their laps. They welcomed Death in their society untill it became one of us. Unlovely friend.

Death's existence was the only way to end life. Humanity improved and discovered another ways to end life. They overspread betrayal, hatred and obnoxious instead of improving candor, love and respect. They darkened life. Even Death regretted it. He hoped if he hadn't been created to end life. He thought of a way to end his, but he couldn't. Death thought of ending his eternal life because humanity doesn't need him anymore. They dedicated their life to selfishness. Selfishness destroyed their life and created Death, their Death, not God's.

Humanity refused a glorious death, they denied him. So Death challenged humanity, becuase they hadn't challenged him. He refused their denial whether they liked it or not. He announced a war, a battle. It became the battle of glory. Which One's glory, humanity or Death?

Chapter 2

Humanity brought their army, tanks, jets and weapons of mass destruction. Death brought no one. He himself fought and brought back his glory. He fought against an army that could destroy the whole earth or erase it from the universe. In the battlefield, soldiers were running, others were preparing guns, bombs and tanks, while others were giving orders as if they were Gods. Ironically, soldiers were obeying their orders. However, Death was doing nothing. He just brought the weapon of Death to kill them.

" I am the end" Death said full of glory to human.

Later, after the battle, there were silence, silence of life. Soldiers were covered by blood, their blood. Bullets of Death were inside their bodies. Bombs of Death had cut their arms, legs and blew their eyes out. The smell of Death was there, Death himself was there checking if there was anyone alive, so he could tears up their soul for good.

Death Overpowered humanity. He honored and erected himself as the King of Life. Death was a king who repesented justice. To humanity he was a so-called king. He must be extracted. Mankind began a new revolution against Death.

Chapter 3

A new revolution began against Death. The palace of Death crowded with people who denied Death's justice upon them. Their tears overwhelmed the floor of the palace. Death as a king of life does nothing to harm those people. He laughed at them.

"I am a king, a king whose justice is to steal something precious" Said Death with a hysterical laugh " I put my finger on your own lips to steal your smile. I am a king."

The flame of the revolution grew bigger. While Death was sitting on his throne looking at those poeple with petty. They spoke emblems, emblems against Death. The king of life got angry and gave a speech, and he who denied it, he who shall be punished or extracted from his body.

"I hear your screams, I come to you and you think it's a dream, I say to you that your home is beneath the sand, live your life in there, till God let you stand." Death spoke emotionlessly "Till you are no more. Isn't that justice?"

Those who was in denial, Death executed them. He punished them and extracted their soul from their body. However, mankind knew well that they had no chance to defeat Death. Still, they had two Death, Their death and God's.

The End

I need you to help he correcting any fatal mistake in grammar. However, I am ready for your helpful criticism.
01-27-2007, 10:52 PM
Adolescent09

Some parts seem redundant. Others just need to be expounded.. Your overall idea is very crisp and semi-original, but here are the sentences/paragraphs that appear obscure, or just redundant to me:

"Death's existence was the only way to end life." True statement, but isn't that a bit obvious?

"Humanity improved and discovered another ways to end life. They overspread betrayal, hatred and obnoxious instead of improving candor, love and respect. They darkened life."

This piece was very powerful, because it signifies the "birth" of death. I really liked this but...

"Even Death regretted it. He hoped if he hadn't been created to end life. He thought of a way to end his, but he couldn't. Death thought of ending his eternal life because humanity doesn't need him anymore. They dedicated their life to selfishness. Selfishness destroyed their life and created Death, their Death, not God's."

I see your manifest attempts at personifying death, but I'm not fathoming the idea of death committing suicide when you said "thought of a way to end his". I also don't understand "Even Death regretted it", although that does sound very powerful and I might just be oblivious to its deep meaning. Selfishness destroying life and creating death is very interesting, but isn't selfishness just ONE example of the vices which contribute to the birth/cause of Death? You should have added selfishness to your other epitomes of universal sin "betrayal, hatred, darkening life.." etc.

"Humanity refused a glorious death, they denied him. So Death challenged humanity, becuase they hadn't challenged him. He refused their denial whether they liked it or not. He announced a war, a battle. It became the battle of glory. Which One's glory, humanity or Death?"

Wow, this was deep and complemented the rest of your first part very well as the chapter conclusion, but the meaning of "glorious death" in the first line still blaffles me(after having read the paragraph a dozen times already). They denied Death a "glorious death"? Perhaps this sentence is too deep and vague for me to understand, because oddly it sounds very good, but very confusing simultaneously. The rest of the last part I believe alludes to humanity overpowering death/strife. Being strong willed and not succumbing to evil forces. If this is what you meant, your conclusion was very powerful and effective.

I'll review the rest of your chapters/sections if you want, but as for now, you've done well spacetoon.
01-28-2007, 02:59 AM
spacetoon

Thank you Adolescent09.

Quote:

"Death's existence was the only way to end life." True statement, but isn't that a bit obvious?

It's true. I put this sentence to assure that Death was one way to end life, there is no other ways. This sentence signifys the importance of this way(Death's way).

Quote:

I see your manifest attempts at personifying death, but I'm not fathoming the idea of death committing suicide when you said "thought of a way to end his". I also don't understand "Even Death regretted it", although that does sound very powerful and I might just be oblivious to its deep meaning. Selfishness destroying life and creating death is very interesting, but isn't selfishness just ONE example of the vices which contribute to the birth/cause of Death? You should have added selfishness to your other epitomes of universal sin "betrayal, hatred, darkening life.." etc

Of course Death can't commit a suicide, he couldn't. He feels pain, he feels sorry for humen being. That's why he THOUGHT of a way to his life, but he realizes that he simply can't.
As for selfeshness, you're right. It's just one Example, It's enough though. Becuase selfishness represents humen's way of life. It represents hatred. Hatred is part of selfishness, isn't it? So I epitomize all of these things Darkness, Hatred, betrayal, grudge in one word "Selfishness". Anway, thanks for this idea. I'll consider it. Many thanks.

Quote:

Wow, this was deep and complemented the rest of your first part very well as the chapter conclusion, but the meaning of "glorious death" in the first line still blaffles me(after having read the paragraph a dozen times already). They denied Death a "glorious death"? Perhaps this sentence is too deep and vague for me to understand, because oddly it sounds very good, but very confusing simultaneously. The rest of the last part I believe alludes to humanity overpowering death/strife. Being strong willed and not succumbing to evil forces. If this is what you meant, your conclusion was very powerful and effective.

"A glorious Death" is to die between your family laps. You die very comfortably without pain and suffering. Family is the only one who could make your suffering and pains end with a glimse. They're the one who'll make your Deathbed a heaven. A glorious Death is to die full of love. A glorious Death is to die for doing something good in your society that could make you immortal. Immortality is a glorious Death.

The last part that you mentioned that humanity mustn't submit to the evil force. You're absolutely right. The Evil force represents Selfshiness, it's an evil force which invaded our world. Isn't that right?

Quote:

I'll review the rest of your chapters/sections if you want, but as for now, you've done well spacetoon

Thanks, I am looking forward to it.