Poe`s letter to his Aunt!
I have it since a long time.
I can`t get enough of reading it.. So I decided to share it with you guys..
Aug: 29th [1835]
My dearest Aunty,
I am blinded with tears while writing this
letter - I have no wish to live another hour. Amid sorrow,
and the deepest anxiety your letter reached - and you well know
how little I am able to bear up under the pressure of grief - My
bitterest enemy would pity me could he now read my heart - My
last my last my only hold on life is cruelly torn away -
I have no desire to live and will not But let my duty
be done. I love, you know I love Virginia passionately
devotedly. I cannot express in words the fervent devotion I feel
towards my dear little cousin - my own darling. But what
can [I ] say. Oh think for me for I am incapable of thinking.
Al [l my] thoughts are occupied with the supposition that both
you & she will prefer to go with N. Poe; I do sincerely
believe that your comforts will for the present be secured - I
cannot speak as regards your peace - your happiness. You
have both tender hearts - and you will always have the
reflection that my agony is more than I can bear - that
you have driven me to the grave - for love like mine
can never be gotten over. It is useless to disguise the
truth that when Virginia goes with N.P. that I shall never
behold her again - that is absolutely sure. Pity me, my dear
Aunty, pity me. I have no one now to fly to - I am among
strangers, and my wretchedness is more than I can bear.
It is useless to expect advice from me - what can I say?
Can I, in honor & in truth say - Virginia! do not go! - do
not go where you can be comfortable & perhaps happy - and
on the other hand can I calmly resign my-life ítself. If
she had truly loved me would she not have rejected the
offer with scorn? Oh God have mercy on me!
If she goes with N.P. what are you to do, my own Aunty,?
I had procured a sweet little house in a retired situation on
Church hill - newly done up and with a large garden and
[ever]y convenience - at only $5 per month. I have been dreaming
every day & night since of the rapture I should feel in
[havin]g my only friends - all I love on Earth with me there,
[and] the pride I would take in making you both comfor-
[table] & in calling her my wife - But the dream is over
[Oh G]od have mercy on me. What have I to live for? Among
strangers with not one soul to love me.
The situatíon has this morning been conferred upon another. Branch
T. Saunders. but White has engaged to make my salary $60 a
month, and we could live in comparative comfort & happiness
- even the $4 a week I am now paying for board would
support us all - but I shall have $15. a week. & what
need would we have of more? I had thought to send you
on a little money every week untíl you could either hear
from Hall or Wm. Poe, and then we could get a [little] fur-
niture for a start - for White will not be able [to a]dvance
any. After that all would go well - or I would make a
desperate exertion & try to borrow enough for that purpose.
There is little danger of the house being taken immediately.
I would send you on $5 now - for White paid me the $8
2 days since - but you appear not to have received my
last letter and I am afraid to trust it to the mail, as
the letters are continually robbed. I have it for you & will
keep it until I hear from you when I will send it & more
if I get any in the meantime. I wrote you that Wm.
Poe had written to me concerning you & has offered to assist
you asking me questions concerning you which I answered.
He will beyond doubt aid you shortly & with an effectual
aid. Trust in God.
The tone of your letter wounds me to the soul - Oh Aunty, Aunty
you loved me once - how can you be so cruel now? You
speak of Virginia acquiring accomplishments, and entering into
society-you speak in so worldly a tone. Are you sure
she would be more happy. Do you think any one could love
her more dearly than I. She will have far - very far better
opportunities of entering into society here than with N.P. Every
one here receives me with open arms.
Adieu my dear Aunty. I cannot advise you. Ask Virginia.
Leave it to her. Let me have, under her own hand, a letter,
biddíng me good bye - forever - and I may die - my
heart will break - but I will say no more.
Kiss her for me --- a million times
For Virginia,
My love, my own sweetest Sissy, my darling little wifey.
think well before you break the heart of your Cousin, Eddy.
I open this letter to inclose the 5$ - I have just received
another letter from you announcing the rect. of mine.
My heart bleeds for you. Dearest Aunty consider my
happiness while you are thinking about your own.
I am saving all I can. The only money I have yet spent
is 50 cts for washing - I have now 2.25. left. I will
shortly send you more. Write immediately. I shall be
all anxiety & dread until I hear from you. Try and
convince my dear Virga. how devotedly I love her. I
wish you would get me the Republican wh: noticed the Messenger
& send it on immediately by mail. God bless & protect
you both.
