Hear Me Not !!!

I would like to share my FIRST poem in English I tried to write in my own language once...But this is my first time in English...I was always sure that I wont be able to write a poem because i believe I have no talent..anyway before 2 months I thought why not give it a try..I hope its acceptable :)

Hear me not!!

As always, hear me not.
Shut me, in the sunny day and hot
or even, in the chilly day and frost.

Silent, I've always been.
Pleasure, I've never seen.
Oppressed, but my soul is keen
to start all over and redeem.

This is life, hard and ugly.
But, I will raise my voice so loudly
that even the kingdom of far away
will hear my noise, and will lay
down because my word has conveyed.

I liked it for the power that is related here. Just two suggestions--1) the second line should probably start "shut me out", and the last line should probably include the word "was" instead of "has". Just my opinion so take it or leave it. I really enjoyed the directness of it.

Thanks :) I am pleased to read your suggestions

I find this poem so readily enjoyable as an example of talent. No qualm with your English either.

Thank you very much Mililalils :wave: I am really touched..and your replies gave me a motive to continue writing :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Foxvoices

the second line should probably start "shut me out", and the last line should probably include the word "was" instead of "has".

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very much agree with the sugestion, reading it through with the sugestions sounds better but other than that it is an amazing poem and i can feel the power in which it is refering to.

its a nyc poem .. i liked it and you may try to improve some stanza as they said up
but other than that is great & good try , keep writing in english
hope i can read some 4 u in Arabic u mention that you write in that .

best of wishes

Wow guys :D i posted this ages ago :D thanks and I did change it according to the suggestions :D

Thank you again lukelord and hoope :) you boosted my spirit :)