an ideal husband

Your fateful reading of the play has brought you to a pathetic final statement of "the perfect man cannot exist for a woman." I think you are missing Wilde's point entirely. Yes, Robert and Lady C. are self-deceived in their putting one another on a pedalstal. Each falls and they are nearly broken--socially, politically and romantically. When their failings do come to light they realize that their love carries them beyond the failings.////In Lord Goring Wilde presents his "ideal husband", because despite is protestations of being self-interested he does fight for his friends to his own possible demise: marriage to Mrs Chevely. Also, he is seen by Mabel for who he really is, warts and all, and she loves him still.

The irony of the title becomes clear. There is no one ideal husband, ideal is judged in the eyes of their wives, there is no winning formula. This is contrasted thru the marriages of the chilterns and the relationship (and eventual marriage) between Lord Goring and Mabel Chiltern. Lady Chiltern is the puritan character, and like in many of Wilde's plays, is taught to forgive. Therefore Chiltern is only ideal to her if he is flawless, but this is impossible, so the irony of the title in this relationship is obvious. He says "Why can't you women love us, faults and all!" Chiltern's major flaw is that he is hungry for power (which usn't unusual for men of this time) but this flaw is only to Lady C, who we see is very unreasonable. This is upported with Loring Goring who admits his faults "I am very selfish" but Mabel doesn't care and loves him anyway. An ideal husband, ie the perfect man cannot exist for a woman.