Christmas 2020 # 2

SANTA’S HELPERS HAVE A CRICKET TEAM

Santa’s Helpers have a cricket team
And they play when they can
They have no problem getting numbers
And the substitute is twelf man

IN SANTA’S CHRISTMAS VILLAGE

In Santa’s Christmas village
What do you call a female Elf?
Well not an Elfess or Elfette
So, the name would be “a Shelf”

SANTA CLAUS PASSED HIS TEST

Santa Claus passed his test
One fine frost filled day
Which was evidenced
By Noel plates on the sleigh

SANTA’S SLEIGH BROKE DOWN

Santa’s sleigh broke down
So, he stopped a passing motorist
Who offered to give him a toe
But then he was a Chiropodist

A BROKEN DRUM IS THE BEST

A broken drum is the best
Christmas gift you can get
That might come as a surprise
But you really can’t beat it

THERE’S A MEAN FEMALE AT THE POLE

There’s a mean female at the Pole
Playing all the reindeer games
“Olive, the other reindeer, used
To laugh and call him names”

CHRISTMAS EVE AT THE NORTH POLE

Christmas Eve at the North Pole
Under moonlit skies
Creeping around the Village
Are the Mince spies

SANTA HAS TO WORK HARDER THIS YEAR

Santa has to work harder this year
At the North Pole I fear
Since the jackpot of Euromillions
Was one by Santa minions

WHEN HE ONLY RECEIVED BATTERIES

When he only received batteries
His enthusiasm was muted
But there was a hand written note
Which read “Toys not included”

A FAMOUS CHRISTMAS STORY

A famous Christmas Story
Contains a well-known character
Who died eating Macaroni
He’s the Ghost of Christmas pasta

EATING CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS

Eating Christmas decorations
Caused something of a crisis
With a sore throat and a fever
Ending with a case of Tinselitis

I DON’T WANT A CHRISTMAS GIFT

I don’t want a Christmas gift
That’s very practical
Nor a homemade present
Or something musical
Not an article for wearing
Nothing thoughtful or twee
No items for the garden
Or anything scented fragrantly
And nothing so expensive that
The value is shocking
I just want something shapely
In a Christmas stocking

CHRISTMAS EVE IN THE KENNELS

It was Christmas Eve in the kennels
And all the canines were all agog
They all made merry all night long
Finishing by singing Fleas Navi Dog

PUZZLED AUNTY

Bimbette wouldn’t buy
Her niece a jigsaw
For Christmas Even though
She’d asked for it before
It was Because it was labelled
6-8 years
So not finishing it in the two week
Holiday was her fear

THEY FIRST MET ON A SPECIAL CHRISTMAS EVE

They first met on a special Christmas Eve
And chemistry sparked between the two
When passions fires were truly quenched
He asked before bidding her a fond adieu
“What are you doing on New Year’s Eve?”
She replied “oh I’m definitely doing you”

THIS YEAR I’M GOING TO STAY UP

This year I’m going to stay up
On New Year’s Eve
Not to see in 2021
But to make sure 2020 leaves