A Little Bit Of Humour # 307

I’M SOMETHING OF A JOKER # 9

I’m something of a joker
But being a comic is tough
I have a microbiology joke,
But it’s not cultured enough

THE EARLY BIRD GETS THE WORM

The early bird gets the worm
Isn’t that the correct term?
Well I have some advice to give
The late worm gets to live

I REMEMBER MY WISH WAS TO CHANGE

I remember my wish was to change
The World when I was a young man
Now that I’m old my wish has changed
And I want to change the young if I can

I HEARD ABOUT A YOUNG ACTOR

I heard about a young actor
Who was playing the part of a Page
Fell through the floorboards
But he was just going through a stage

I SUFFER FROM KLEPTOMANIA

I suffer from kleptomania
I have to admit
But when it gets bad,
I take something for it

A FRISBEE

I was wondering,
Why does a Frisbee
Appeared larger and larger
Then it hit me

HE SURVIVED MUSTARD GAS IN BATTLE

He survived mustard gas in battle,
He was pepper sprayed by a policeman
And the result of those traumatic events
He was rendered a seasoned veteran

SWITZERLAND

I’m not sure what the best thing is
About Switzerland, and I’m not fussed
I don’t know enough about the country
I do like the flag, so that’s a big plus

CHEETAH AND LION

I saw a cheetah being
Chatted up by a Lion
I thought, “He’s trying
To pull a fast one"

IN THE EIGHTIES I USED TO SUPPLY

In the eighties I used to supply
Filofaxes to the mafia at the time
I suppose you could say I was
Involved in very organised crime

A CEMENT MIXER COLLIDED WITH A PRISON VAN

A cement mixer collided with a prison van
And the incident was critical
Motorists are asked to be on the lookout
For sixteen hardened criminals

MY GRANDFATHER INVENTED

My grandfather invented,
And you might well scoff,
The cold air balloon, well
It never really took off

MY UNCLE TRAINS ANIMALS

My Uncle trains animals
To be honest he’s a bit of a bore
He has one dog that does magic tricks
It’s a labracadabrador

A MAN SPILT ALL HIS SCRABBLE TILES

A man spilt all his Scrabble tiles
It happened in a heartbeat
Leaving letters all over the road,
"Well that's the word on the street?"

I BOUGHT THE WORLD'S WORST THESAURUS

I bought the world's worst thesaurus
And it’s irredeemable
But it really is the worst
But not only is it terrible, it's terrible

MY DOG ATE ALL THE SCRABBLE TILES

My dog ate all the Scrabble tiles
When they were spilt on the mat
And for days he kept leaving
Little messages around the flat

I GOGGLED MY SYMPTOMS

I Goggled my symptoms
As I had an irritated eye
And found Conjunctivitis.com
That’s a site for sore eyes

THE HEART OF A LION

My granddad has
The heart of a Lion
And a lifetime ban
From Woburn

WHY DID THE CHICKEN GO TO THE SÉANCE?

Why did the chicken go to the séance?
Rather than stay where he resides
The reason he went to the séance
Was so he could reach the other side

HUMEROUS HAIKU # 8

Rudyard Kipling once
Said, never look backwards, you
Will fall down the stair

lol... had to google "Woburn": a safari park :)

also RK's quote :) Bridge Builders: "Never look backwards or you will fall down the stairs":

Quote:

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Bridge Builders (1893) by the British writer Rudyard Kipling is an Indian story about the building of the “Kashi Bridge.” The story mainly displays Kipling’s mastery of the technical details and knowledge related to bridge building. His biographers agree that the author acquired this knowledge through interacting with British civil engineers who were assigned by the Crown to build numerous bridges in India as part of the industrial movement in British India. The building of the “Kashi” is under the supervision of Engineer Findlayson. At a certain moment, Findlayson is lured into opium consumption and apparently starts to hallucinate. He dreams that the bridge is threatened to be destroyed by Indian gods who consider such a project as a desecration of the natural world. They decide to flood the city and the question that keeps on haunting Findlayson’s mind is whether his bridge would survive the natural catastrophe or not. Fortunately for him, the bridge eventually resists the flood. Behind its simple plot, Kipling’s story inspires serious philosophical and existential questions related to the duality between science and the spiritual. Symbolically speaking, Findlayson’s project stands for an atheist man’s belief in materialistic reality and scientific progress in the face of a traditional and spiritual India that resists all acts of desecration. Findlayson himself is aware that his triumph over Indian gods is only temporary as the bridge will one day or another disappear and all men will be ultimately vanquished by death without solving the question of eternity. https://www.amazon.de/-/en/Rudyard-K.../dp/B00FZVQD3W

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Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor

Thanks Tailor, I've not read the Bridge Builders, I will make a point of searching it out.