Honky ****ing Crazy N-Word Lover

Honky ****ing Crazy N-Word Lover
A novel
By Wolf Larsen

Warning: do NOT read this if you have a problem with obscenity, or if you are very religious.

“Democrats are Dixiecrats!”
— Malcolm X

About The Book’s Title
I grew up on the South Side of Chicago, a place controlled by something called the “Regular Democratic Organization”. Some whites on the Southwest Side of Chicago called me “N-Word Lover” (although they didn’t say it like that, they said it with the 2G’s & the R). Meanwhile, some blacks on the Southeast Side of Chicago called me “Honky”. And other people just called me “****ing Crazy”. So I was “Honky ****ing Crazy N-Word Lover”. Honky was my first name, ****ing Crazy was my middle name, and N-Word Lover was my last name. I didn’t tell anybody about my Jewish ancestor, because then my name would have been “Honky ****ing Jew N-Word Lover”.

For my ancestor Jean Gelinas, a Jewish carpenter who immigrated from Europe to North America, probably because of religious persecution from Christians.

Please note: I don’t strictly follow the Queen’s English. I’d just assume **** the Queen of England up the ***. Therefore, I “respect” the rules of grammar & capitalization when they suit me, and I piss all over the rules of grammar & capitalization when it suits me as well.



Chapter 1
So the President of the United States of America is snorting cocaine off the First Lady’s tits. Then the President gets on Twitter. And the President tweets: “Oh yippety dippity deeee! Oh fnippity fo fummm! My itchy finger is so itchy itchy itchy to push that atomic button! Oh itchy itchy itchyyy!” Meanwhile, all the rich people of America are snorting entire solar systems up their noses. And all the space aliens being snorted up the noses of the rich are complaining & screaming, “Hey rich people! Stop snorting us up your noses!”

Meanwhile, the United States Air Force is bombing somewhere. The people being bombed are screaming: “A bunch of American hamburgers are falling from the sky! Yummy yummy! A bunch of grinded up cannibalistic cow patties are falling from the sky! Yummy yummy! It’s time for a family fun meal! Oh noooooo! Wait! It’s not food! It’s bombs!”

Meanwhile, the Department of InJustice has declared all Americans guilty of something-or-another, and has just finished putting prison walls all around the United States of America. And now, all the American people are tossing Bubba’s salad. And all the Bubbas of America are chanting together:
“Toss that salad!
Toss that salad!
Toss that salad!
And make Bubba happy!”
And all the American people are singing together: “It’s a beautiful day to toss Bubba’s salad! It’s a beautiful day to toss Bubba’s salad!”
And all the Bubbas getting their salad tossed are singing: “It’s a beautiful day to get our salad tossed! It’s a beautiful day to get our salad tossed!”

Meanwhile, the Democratic candidate for President is looking into the television cameras. And while the Democratic candidate for President speaks, the Statue of Liberty is giving him a blow job. The Democratic candidate says to the American people, “Crazy ka-blam kaboom and let’s bomb bomb bomb all the terrorist midgets of midget land! We can’t fix healthcare! But we sure can bomb bomb bomb the planet Earth and all of humanity into bits! Yahooooo!! Just label the moon a terrorist, and bomb that! Just label Mother Teresa a terrorist, and zap her away! Because predator drones are fun fun fun! Family fun fun fun for the whole wide world under the sun! So let’s all go ka-blam ka-boom tat tat tat! Yippieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”

This is when the geriatric Madam of the United States Whorehouse on Capitol Hill shows up for a news conference. She’s dressed in fishnet stockings & miniskirt & see-through blouse with no bra, and boobies hanging all the way to the floor.
The geriatric Madam of the United States Whorehouse on Capitol Hill speaks to the news media as she sits on Uncle Sam’s face. The geriatric Madam says: “I’m going to sit on the face of the American people, and let them eat out the 100-year-old fish buffet of my geriatric vagina! Whooooppeee!!”

That’s when one of the space aliens who’s been snorted up the nose of America’s rich people escapes, and the space alien parachutes out of the sky over Washington DC. The space alien then pulls down his pants, bends over, and moons all the politicians & news media in Washington DC, as he says in space alien language: “Kiss my lemon meringue pie all you earthling penis-for-brains!”

So, all the American people watching on television have been mooned by the space alien. A public opinion poll is conducted of the American people to assess their opinion of being mooned by a space alien, and 70% of Americans say that they feel like sucking Uncle Sam’s **** while being ****ed up the *** by the Statue of Liberty with a huge strap-on dildo, and 30% of Americans say that they feel really horny when they think of the Statue of Liberty with her huge tits & her huge Dick, and 157% of all Americans feel that dancing to the presidential debates is fun, and 948% of Americans feel that the First Lady’s big plastic boobs will start World War III, and are looking forward to it.

Meanwhile, the vice president is giving the 2 inch penis of the American President a blow job. The blow job is being painted by the White House painter, and becomes an abstract piece of art entitled: “A Happy 2 Inch Presidential Penis to Everybody!”
This is when the United States Department of Homeland Insecurity declares an Emergency of big plastic boobs running amok throughout the nation, and the Department of Homeland Insecurity advises the American people to stick nuclear missiles up their butts at once!

Then terrorists hijack two airplanes. But somehow, things go terribly wrong for the terrorists. And instead of hitting their targets, the terrorists somehow wind up crashing the airplanes into the buttholes of the President & the First Lady. That’s when the two tits of the First Lady (Millie & Vanilli) address the American people: “The gang bangers in blue of the Police Departments of America are really sexy sexy sexy with their big guns always going off — their bullets sure shoot straight!”

The 2 inch penis of the American President also addresses the American people and says: “What we need is the God’s buttocks of law and order! Law and order in the tossed salad! Law and order in the national cum juices! Law and order in the hubba hubba Boing Boing Boing of braless tities on a sunny afternoon!”

At this point, the Born-Again Christian & Feminist Coalition Against Sex has a protest outside the White House against the 2 inch penis of the President of the United States of America. They’re outraged that the American President would show off his two inch penis on television!

That’s when the United States Whorehouse on Capitol Hill decides to begin impeachment proceedings against the President for showing off his 2 inch penis on television. The 2 inch penis of the American President is summoned before Congress. There, in front of Congress & the American people on television the 2 inch penis of the American President declares: “I’m proud of my 100% American 2 inch penis! Me & my Great American 2 inch penis are going to make American great again! And you can’t stop me & my Great American 2 inch penis from cleaning out the swamp of Washington DC!”

That’s when things in America become very partisan. In red states, most of the citizenry rally in defense of the American President’s two inch penis. However, in more progressive parts of the country, namely in the blue states, the liberals join the Feminist/Christian Coalition Against Sex in protesting the President’s two inch penis.

Meanwhile, the neo-Czar of Russia has been plotting with midget porn actors (“we’re not short where it counts!” is their motto) to undermine the American elections, and reelect the 2 inch penis of the American President. The liberal news media are not fooled, and immediately expose the plot.

The plot becomes thicker, when the obese Stalinist dictator of North Korea eats all of America’s hamburgers & French fries in one sitting! Then, the North Korean dictator ****s Ronald McDonald (the patron saint of the United States of America) up the *** in a porno/propaganda flick entitled: “The Huge Penis Invasion from North Korea!”

Americans set aside their partisan differences briefly, and red states & blue states are united in their condemnation of the North Korean dictator ****ing Ronald McDonald up the ***.
But then the Washington Monument turns into a humongous penis ****ing God up the ***. That’s when all the angels in heaven start singing together: “Uncle Sam’s cum juices splashing everywhere! Oh beautiful coke whores sucking my red white & blue flagpole! Can we please please pee on you?!”

Meanwhile, all the terrorists that flew the airplanes into the anuses of the President & the First Lady are being prosecuted by a bunch of kangaroos in black robes. The kangaroos in black robes announce in Gregorian chants: “These legal proceedings of whatever-the-****, shall be conducted according to the whatever-the-**** of whatever-the-****, so help us God!”

However, the proceedings are briefly interrupted by routine police work, that is a black man is being shot by the police outside on the front steps of the Supreme Court. Before dying, the black man announces: “I feel so proud to be shot by the police in a city with a Democratic Party black mayor!”
Later, the mother of the now deceased black man with tears of pride in her eyes, says: “We black people have for centuries looked forward to the day where our sons & daughters could be shot by the police in a city with a black mayor!”

The policeman who shot and killed the black man is immediately rewarded with the “administrative leave” of a paid vacation. As he is currently enjoying the sun in Hawaii, the cop could not be reached for comment about shooting some black man.

Then the neo-Czar of Russia flies over America on a stealth invisible giant penis, and the neo-Czar of Russia urinates the beautiful sunshine all over America. And once the liberal news media exposes this giant plot of the stealth Russian penis, conservatives in red states immediately begin kissing their Bibles, and ejaculating glory hallelujah glory hallelujah all over each other. Liberals, on the other hand, begin spanking each other’s naked booties in public, as they sing out loud in Gregorian chants their politically correct repentance for feeling sexual lust and more sexual lust and even more sexual lust until sexual lust is bursting and splashing everywhere!

That’s when the United States of America starts a nuclear war with North Korea, and thereby rescues Ronald McDonald’s anus from the evil North Korean dictator. However, the North Korean dictator escapes to China by way of a secret passageway through the Devil’s ball sack.
Of course, communism was created by the Devil, in order to thwart God’s beautiful plan for capitalism to triumph across the free world with hamburgers & French fries for all.

Since the North Korean dictator is now in China, the American President & both houses of Congress have a big united bipartisan anti-Chinese orgy together. At the big anti-Chinese orgy huge penises fly through the sky, the Statue of Liberty ejaculates red white and blue all over America out of her big black Dick, and the Democratic members of Congress begin considering a pardon for the President’s 2 inch penis.

The possibility of some Democratic members of Congress pardoning the President’s two inch penis angers the “left” wing of the Dixiecrat party. The “left” wing of the Dixiecrat party being a place located inside of some feminist’s anus.
By contrast, the Republican Party is located inside of some born-again Christian’s Balzac.

Meanwhile, it’s discovered that all the terrorists that flew the airplanes into the buttholes of the President & the First Lady, well, all of the terrorists have big tits & big dicks. That’s right, all the terrorists are chicks with tits and a dick! Hubba hubba! Terrorist chicks with tits & a dick!
This of course angers former vice president Dick Cheney, who comments to the news media: “I’m supposed to be the biggest Dick around!”
All of the black men of America disagree. As do all of the porn actors of America as well.

So the porn actors of America immediately have a parade down the streets of Washington DC. At the parade the porn actors all receive blow jobs from all of the Presidents of the United States of America, both past and present. And then God up in the sky decides to address the American people on television. As the Virgin Mary gives God a blow job, God says to the American people: “You are the chosen ones! I prefer you fat ignorant donkey & elephant voting born-again Christian feminist prudes over far more intelligent people on this planet!”

Afterwards, the Dixiecrat candidate for President gives a press conference where he’s simultaneously sucking both the dicks of the Grand Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan and America’s first black President. As he sucks both Dicks the very talented Presidential candidate also manages to give a speech: “I still remember the moment when I embraced the black cause for freedom & equality, you see I was sucking Jesse Segregation Forever Helms’ 3 inch white pride, when the phone rang, I answered the phone and it was none other then Barack Obama, and Barack Obama said how you doing Joe, and I said I’m doing fine how you doing Barack, and Barack asked me hey what’s that gurgling sound Joe, and I said oh I’m just sucking Jesse Helms’s Kok, and then Barack said well when you’re done sucking Jesse Helms Kok, I’d like you to come on over here to my place and suck my black Kok next, and if you suck my black Kok real good, you could be my vice president, because you strike me as a man Joe with a lot of Kok sucking experience in Washington, and that’s exactly what I need in a vice president, and when I got off the phone with Barack I stopped sucking Jesse Helms’ racist segregationist Kok immediately, and Jesse Helms said hey man why don’t you finish what you started, man let me tell you Jesse Helms sure was mad!”
While he gives his speech Dixiecrat Joe is being sodomized by the black female vice presidential candidate Karen Harris with a strap-on, so it’s all very progressive!

Meanwhile, all the store mannequins have somehow come to life. And they all rip their clothes off, and go dancing through the streets, as they sing: “We pledge allegiance to the nuclear missiles shooting out of all the penises of the capitalist politicians in Washington, and to the corporate bailouts that they pull out of some orangutan’s *******, and all the Benjamin Franklins in white envelopes being passed around in the corridors of power, so help us horny God in the sky, that likes to impregnate 12-year-old virgins, can we play with our balls now, National or American League? Which one is going to hit more home runs with those big baseball bats, and get from first base all the way home, I’m cuuuuuuuuummming home baby!”

Then, the President’s 2 inch penis goes missing. An international crisis ensues. The liberals accuse the Neo-Czar of Russia of stealing the President’s two inch penis. The conservatives say no, it was the “Communist” Party of China that stole the President’s two inch penis.

The Neo-Czar of Russia states: “Why would I steal the 2 inch penis of the President of the United States of America, when I have a 2 inch penis of my own?”
Israel declares that some Palestinian organization has stolen the 2 inch penis of the President of the United States of America. A Palestinian spokesman gets on international television and says: “We would like to assure the international community that we are not interested in the 2 inch penis of the President of the United States of America, as the penises of us Palestinian men are much larger!”

This statement is then considered an insult to the American values of burger, fries, & Coke — or so it is proclaimed in a joint bipartisan statement of the Madams of both political parties in the world’s biggest whorehouse on Capitol Hill. The joint bipartisan statement of the whores of Congress reads: “In order to promote bipartisan anal-sex-American values we hereby proclaim that naked elephants & donkeys dancing down our streets with their little 3 inch wee wee flagpoles exposed is the happiest happy happy that happy could ever be happy with! In addition, for the remainder of this President’s term in office, a special Congressional Presidential 2 Inch Penis Committee will coordinate Cox sucking on the moon between the legislative & executive oh I love the taste of cum branches of all the hairy balls of government.”

To deal with the international crisis of the American President’s 2 inch penis, a special session of the disUnited Nations is called.
The kangaroo representing the United States at the disUnited Nations declares: “The United States government proclaims that all babbling extraterrestrials living in our imaginations shall now be bombed at once!”

The kangaroos representing both England & Greece at the disUnited Nations have gotten lost somehow, and they’re both hopping around on the moon.
NASA sends a special giant penis to the moon, to rescue the disUnited Nations kangaroos of both England & Greece. However, both the kangaroos of England & Greece are now lost inside of the Virgin Mary’s vagina in heaven. So, NASA sends a giant penis to the Virgin Mary’s vagina in heaven, to rescue the kangaroos of England & Greece.

Of course, the born-again Christians of America are outraged, and all the born-again Christians of America enter the Virgin Mary’s vagina in heaven, to protest the big NASA penis rocketship there.

Then the current First Lady who’s white, and the last First Lady who’s black, have a delicious 69 together. Michelangelo sculpts the two first ladies in their delicious 69, and Pablo Picasso paints the two first ladies in a delicious 69, and a film crew makes a pornographic movie of the two first ladies having a delicious 69.

The pornographic movie of the two first ladies is then featured at the prestigious Kubla Khan Film Festival. And at the prestigious Kubla Kahn Film Festival, all the rich beautiful people of the world, dressed up as Marie Antoinette & Louis XVI, walk down the red carpet to view the pornographic movie of the two first ladies. The film is entitled: “Giant Delicious Vaginas Are Invading Us From Mars!”

The society reporter for the National-Cum-All-Over-My-Face-Gazette is standing at the entrance of the film festival, as all the Marie Antoinettes & Louis XVIs are taking turns walking down the red carpet. The society reporter, who looks so cute that you want to **** him up the ***, looks into the camera and says: “Here amongst all the vomit-in-the-toilet-after-eating beautiful people of the world, the truly rich don’t eat caviar, so that they can maintain their straight-out-of-the-graveyard skeleton-like skinny look, so the truly rich feed the caviar & the grinded up bodies of the homeless to their dogs & cats! Strangling the homeless to death, and grinding up their bodies, and feeding the homeless to their dogs & cats, as well as feeding caviar to their dogs & cats, is a beautiful expression of the beautiful people’s beautiful affinity for the rights of beautiful animals.”

And now, the society reporter who’s so cute that you’d like to **** him up the ***, is standing next to a rich-&-famous anorexic vomit-in-the-toilet skinny-to-the-rails airhead.

The society reporter looks into the camera and says: “Here I am standing next to this anorexic vomit-in-the-toilet skinny-to-the-rails airhead, as you can see.”
The society reporter then says into the camera: “This particular anorexic vomit-in-the-toilet skinny-to-the-rails airhead is the Grand Mad-Damn of red carpet affairs, and she’s married to the business tycoon Mr. Dickhead Scratching-His-Balls Idiotton the III, CEO & President of the Your Money Or Your Life Corporation.”

Then the interview continues as the cute society reporter asks the anorexic airhead: “What are your favorite vomit-in-the-toilet-rituals?”
And Ms. Anorexic Society Lady answers: “Before vomiting in the toilet I like to go to animal shelters and **** all the horny dogs there, to give them some relief from all the horrible conditions of animal shelters, and I’d also like to say that the toxic masculinity of working-class men that do manual labor is highly offensive to the beautiful people of the beautiful society of the beautiful upper classes of the world, and therefore working-class men that do manual labor should shut their mouths, because who wants to hear the toxic masculinity opinion of working class laborers, anyway?”

But then, one of the chicks-with-big-tits-and-A-Dick-terrorists flies above the red carpet affair on a giant flying-nipple-predator-drone. And in an act of terrible titty terrorism, ejaculates space alien jism all over the beautiful people of the red carpet affair.
The next day, all the congresspeople in the big whorehouse on Capitol Hill, vote for a bipartisan resolution condemning this terrible titty terrorist act involving massive space alien jism.

The leading Republican of the House of Representatives, Mr. Butt**** Butthead, who is chairman of the Congressional-Committee of Puppy Eating, takes a moment out from eating out the *** of the born-again Christian right, and comments to the cute big-plastic-boobs newscaster on the Two Dogs ****ing News Network: “This purple space alien jism on a French Impressionist canvas at the Louvre cannot be tolerated! Therefore, our predator drones will immediately bomb the Louvre and bomb the Vatican, and also bomb some islands in the middle of the ocean because why not what the ****?, I mean, what the hell, we haven’t bombed anything lately, it’s time to bomb the yeeeeeehaaaaaw out of something!”

And Mr. Three Testicles, the leading Democrat of the House of Representatives, who is chairman of the Hairy Butt Congressional Committee on Extramarital Affairs with Sexy Sheep, is giving an interview to the “progressive” war hawk Ms. Endless Doo-Doo Mouth of the liberal Piss-All-Over-Your-Dog-He’ll-Love-It-News Media Network. (Ms. Endless Doo-Doo Mouth is a “progressive” war hawk because she’s a lesbian).

So, Ms. Endless Doo-Doo Mouth is asking Mr. Three Testicles on television: “Do you have a giant spaceship in your butthole?”
Mr. Three Testicles answers: “The Russians have invaded our underwear with their nuclear weapons! There’s probably a Russian with a nuclear weapon in your underwear right now! There are even Russians camped out in the Balzac’s of all the professional athletes of America, at this very moment! We demand the complete de-Russia-ification of the Balzacs of all professional athletes now!”

And then Ms. Endless Doo-Doo Mouth asks Mr. Three Testicles: “And what about the ‘white privilege’ of the Harry balls of flying toaster ovens?”
Mr. Three Testicles answers: “Working class whites working for minimum wage are definitely experiencing too much privilege! Therefore, white privilege is like billions of hopping giant penises hopping and hopping all over the streets of our nation! Hopping and hopping penises! Oh penises hopping and hopping and hopping!”

Now it’s time for voting in Segregation Zity, I mean Segregation City Chicago, where all of the “progressive” lakefront liberals, “militant” black nationalists, and Cu Clux Cockroaches all go to the polls together to vote for the jackasses of the Regular Dixiecrat Organization.

Copyright 2020 by Wolf Larsen

Advance permission is given to all to share and republish the above piece of literature, whether in physical or Internet form, as long as it is not edited, credit is given to the author, and the intention of such publication is not hostile.