A Little Bit Of Humour # 296
GETTING ON # 11
You know you’re getting old
When you’ve been on hold
For so long to a utility supplier
That you forgot what you called for
I THINK IT’S MISOGYNISTIC
I think it’s misogynistic
To use the word misogyny
I’m not being pedantic but
It should be ms-ogyny
I SAW A MARMITE TRUCK THE OTHER DAY
I saw a Marmite truck the other day
Driving down the motorway
And I bet my mate ten pound
That it was heading yeast bound
AT MY ADVANCED AGE # 2
At my advanced age I find
I am surprised by something
The presence of public toilets
Are worryingly comforting
LONG AFTER NEEDING BIFOCALS AND HEARING AIDS
Long after needing bifocals and hearing aids
We still make love in the silent gloom
The only difference being that during the act
It would be difficult to tell with whom
EARLY TO BED, EARLY TO RISE
Early to bed, early to rise
Makes a man healthy wealthy and wise
Early to rise, late to bed
Makes a man haggard fatigued and dead
ONE FOOT OF SNOW FELL
One foot of snow fell
In the town of Lexington
So, when he went outside
He only wore one Wellington
5G
There are no limits to technology
And advances are anticipated with 5G
Enhancing forms of communication
Imparting important information
Using varied multimedia interfacing
Video clips and picture messaging
But there is a downside or failure
Primarily photos of user’s genitalia
DON’T FOLLOW THE HERD
Don’t follow the herd,
Just think for yourself
Try to remain independent
And be very careful
When following the masses
As sometimes the M is silent
SPORTING COURAGE
I’m a very courageous
Sportsman, basically
As it takes a lot of balls
To play Golf like me
WE MAKE A VERY VARIED RANGE
We make a very varied range
Of average items in our factory
But because they are average
It’s more like the satisfactory
THERE IS TO BE A REVOLUTION
There is to be a revolution
In signage, so look out
Take Exit signs for example
They are on the way out
I WAS TRYING TO EXPLAIN PUNS
I was trying to explain puns
With a great degree of difficulty
To a group of kleptomaniacs
But they just take things literally
FOR MY JOB I DO SHIFT WORK
For my job I do shift work
At a publishing place
I have to help a one armed
Typist do upper case
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 438
Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
Well if you don’t plant seed
You can’t reap what you sow
THEY ARE HAVING TO REMAKE
They are having to remake
The Ewok movie
As they now identify
As Shewoks apparently
WHEN YOU SEARCH HIGH AND LOW
When you search high and low
On every shelf and every floor
For your car keys on a bunch
Only to find them in the front door
IF YOU GO TO A MUSLIM WEDDING
If you go to a Muslim Wedding
But you can’t afford the attire
Then there is a an easy solution
Go to Mosque Bros and hire
IT WAS A GLORIOUS WEEK IN JUNE
It was a glorious week in June
And I wore my best ensemble
But after Day three at Wimbledon
I hadn’t seen a single Womble
HAVE A NICE DAY
“Have a nice day” he said
And I smiled at him
But I had a dreadful day
So natural I sued him
