A Little Bit Of Humour # 284
LOST WALK
Two hydrogen atoms were walking along
One said, 'I think I've lost an electron.'
'Are you sure?' was the others interrogative
The first said, 'Oh Yes, I'm positive... '
THE BOYS
The Police arrested two kids
One was drinking battery acid,
The other was eating fireworks.
No doubt a right pair of Berks
Now this is true though you may scoff
They charged one and let the other one off.
CHEESE CYCLE
My brother is a cyclist and a cheese nut
And he always carries some in his pannier
But he also has very particular tastes
So the cheese he carries with him is Paneer
THE LORD SAID UNTO JOHN
"Come forth and you will receive
Eternal life" The Lord said
But unfortunately, John came fifth
As a result, he won a TV instead
IT WAS UP ON ILKLEY MOOR
It was up on Ilkley Moor
Where I met a Yorkshire chap
And I could see he was dyslexic
As he was wearing a cat flap
VLADIMIR ILYICH ULYANOV
Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov
Was over in London, visiting
When Trotsky knocked the door
And asked “Is Len in?”
DOCTOR’S INTUITION
The doctor said he thought
I had curvature of the upper spine
He wasn’t sure though
He said it was just a hunch
BECAUSE OF HER CONFIDENT STRIDE
Because of her confident stride
Everyone noticed Anne Boleyn
And the King set his cap at her
As her rivals would only amble in
STAR WARS TODAY
If the Star Wars series
Was only just written
Luke would be a vegan
Flying the Millennial Falcon
I KEEP FALLING OVER
I keep falling over
I don’t know what for
I should talk to someone
Maybe a Trip advisor
MARRIED WEIGHT ISSUES
When single women get home
They see what’s in the fridge
And then go to bed
However married women get home
See what’s in the bed
And goes to the fridge instead
YESTERDAY MY HOUSE WAS BURGLED
Yesterday my house was burgled
And today I feel really crappy
They stole my anti-depressants
Well I just hope they are happy
POOR SAM
Sam went to the Doctors
With every ache and pain
And with every sniff and sniffle
He would go again and again
If he had a simple heat rash
He thought he had meningitis
If he had a bad case of wind
He thought he had appendicitis
The doctor tried him on placebos
Giving Sam pots of sugar pills
But despite the docs best efforts
Sam returned with non-existent ills
The doctor tried to be patient
But one day when Sam came back
The doctor gave him the bad news
“I must tell you you’re a hypochondriac”
Sam became all hot and bothered
And created a right old fuss
Then when he calmed down he asked
“What’s a hypochondriac? Is it serious?”
LAW IS LIKE THE FAMILY BUSINESS
Law is like the family business
And that includes my Niece
She is a Corrections Officer
With the Grammar Police
MY CHAUFFEUR IS A RUSSIAN
My chauffeur is a Russian
From a city called Rostov
He’s very good at his job
His name is Pikup Andropov
