Halloween Tales 2019 # 3

DOUBLE, DOUBLE, TOIL AND TROUBLE

Double, double, toil and trouble
Fire burn and cauldron bubble
Shake it shake it at the double
Don’t drink much or you’re in trouble

THEY MAY LOOK CUTE AND SWEET

They may look cute and sweet
They may look smart and dandy
But they’re vicious little monsters
Who’ll rob you of all your candy

SHE MAY BE A WITCH

She may be a witch
And she may do spells
Which sounds like poety
As far as anyone tells
So just beware of
Unnatural smells
Or you’ll fall victim
To one of her spells

WE WENT TO A FANCY DRESS PARTY # 2

We went to a fancy dress party
With a Hogwarts theme
There was me and my girlfriend
And her twin sister Irene

However after a drink or two
Alcohol caused a bit of a hitch
As with twin witches I couldn’t
Tell which witch was which

I THINK MY CHICKENS ARE POSSESSED

I think my chickens are possessed
My wife is very much distressed
Their feathers are all dishevelled
And the eggs they lay are Devilled

EVERYONE WANTS CANDY ON HALLOWEEN

Everyone wants Candy on Halloween
As they march on their trick or treat patrol
But the only Candy that interests me
Will be swinging on a silver pole

HALLOWEEN PICKUP # 1

When you’re on the pull
If you want to break the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your endeavour
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something clever
During the Halloween season
Just say to any girl you meet
“If you let me show you a trick
I can promise you’ll get a treat”

IF VAMPIRES CAN’T SEE THEIR OWN REFLECTION

If vampires can’t see
Their own reflection
In a mirror or anything else
That’s shiny
Then the thing I
Have always wondered is
How do they manage?
To keep their hair tidy?

I DON’T BELIEVE IN SPOOKS AND DEMONS

I don’t believe in spooks and demons
I think that should be understood
But there are always more trick-or-treaters
Than there are kids in the neighborhood

I MET A GIRL ON HALLOWEEN,

I met a girl on Halloween,
Wearing blood suckers attire
But alas she wasn’t costumed
She was actually a vampire

THANK GOODNESS FOR HALLOWEEN,

Thank goodness for Halloween,
I can say that without hesitation
Because the cobwebs have suddenly
Become Halloween decorations

HALLOWEEN PROPOSITION

My future wife was dressed like a tart
When we first met on Elm Street
And she said very provocatively
“I'll be your trick if you'll be my treat”

HALLOWEEN IS ONE OF THE FEW

Halloween is one of the very few
Acceptable times to wear body glitter
When you have a reasonable expectation
Of not being mistaken for a stripper

HALLOWEEN IS ALL ABOUT CANDY

Halloween is all about Candy
Which can be very droll
Unless she has daddy issues
And swings from a pole

WHY COULDN'T THE WITCH HAVE CHILDREN?

Why couldn't the witch have children?
It wasn’t just because she was a meanie
The answer is far more fundamental
Because her husband had a hallow weenie

I AM BEING HAUNTED BY

I am being haunted by
A dancing ghostly vision
Who really has the moves
So I call him Boogie Man

HALLOWEEN FANCY DRESS

My friend asked me
What I was going to be
For Halloween
I said “Drunk will do me”

HALLOWEEN IS JUST AN EXCUSE

Halloween is just an excuse
For girls to dress inappropriately
And that’s why Halloween
Is the best holiday for me

HALLOWEEN IS A CONTEST

For my friends and I, Halloween is a contest
And I go all out to beat them all
This year I dressed my dog up as a cat
But now he won’t come when I call

GOTH HALLOWEEN

I wonder if Halloween is the only
Day of the year that the goths
Dress colorfully like butterflies
Instead of the normal drab moths

THE LESSON THAT HALLOWEEN TEACHES

The lesson that Halloween teaches
Us all, Might well strike a chord
It’s pretending to be something you're not
Which will lead to a sweet reward

A HOLIDAY DECEPTION # 2

I pretend to be someone I’m not
Just to receive something sweet
Which could be for Valentine’s Day
Or just for a Halloween treat