A Little Bit Of Humour # 279

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 429

What are little girls made of?
Sugar and spice and all things nice
That's what little girls are made of?
Well try to remember that the next time
Your holding her hair while she throwing up

SENIOR MOMENT AT THE SALON

I walked into a hair salon
With my mother in law one day
With a shop full of customers
I proceeded to loudly say
"How much do you charge
For a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked out
Leaving behind a laughing mob

ONLINE MICE

Mice have very high standards
Including their online needs
So when they are surfing the web
Their search engine is Ask Cheese

A MOTHERS TALE # 2

I was out shopping with the kids one day
And we stopped for lunch at a burger place
We had just begun to eat our burgers
When a smell papered that I couldn’t trace
It was so bad that I couldn’t eat
I checked the baby and she was clean
"Johnny, have you had an accident?"
"No mum," Johnny replied. “Not me”
The smell got worse and I cursed
As I didn’t bring spare clothes with me
"Are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No mum," Johnny replied.” not me”
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
Because the smell was really smarting
"Are you really SURE you didn't have an accident?"
he leaped up like he was departing
Dropped his pants and spread his cheeks
And said "see mum, I was only farting!!"

RAPPED

A man was sent to see a Psychiatrist
For an appointment he could not miss
When the doctor saw the poor chap
He was dressed only in plastic shrink wrap
The Doctor said, with no ifs or buts
"Well, I can clearly see you're nuts"

CHEESE FETISH

The dairy man had a cheese fetish
And his wife liked him to paint her
Which he did with liquid cheese
In fact he actually Double Gloucester

HIS PERFECT WOMAN

According to my brother
When choosing one over another
The perfect woman will be
Quite easy to find really
His perfect woman indeed
Would only actually need
To make his life complete
Two tits and a heartbeat

THE NAKED TRUTH (1)

Mary stood naked before the bathroom mirror
And wiped the steam away so she could see clearer
Then her heart sank at what she could see
She said to her husband "I’m fat and I’m ugly”
“I look horrible; pay me a compliment" she sighed
"You have perfect eyesight" He replied

AN ILL WIND

An elderly couple were in church
When about halfway through,
May leant over and whispered
In the ear of her husband lou,
'I just let out a silent fart
What do you think I should do?'
'I think you should put a new battery
In your hearing aid' Replied Lou

YOU CAN LEARN A LOT FROM TV

Fed up of missing his favourite shows on TV
Young Ben wanted was his own telly
“Could I have a telly in my room dad”?
Reluctantly Dad said yes to the lad
Ben stayed in his room the first night
Next morning he gave his parents a fright
He asked his them “what is love juice?”
His mother left making some feeble excuse
Leaving his Dad to explain the basics
Of sexual intercourse and its mechanics
The boy sat in open mouthed amazement
Dad asked him after his embarrassment
“Exactly what program did you have on?”
The boy replied "I was watching Wimbledon"

THE NAKED TRUTH (2)

Mary stood naked before her husband
“What do you like most about me?”
"What is it that turns you on more,
My pretty face or my sexy body?"
He perused her nakedness briefly
"Your sense of humour!" said hubby

SLEEPING BEAUTIES

Men wake up looking pretty much as they did
The night before when they went to bed
While women wake up looking an awful fright
Because they manage to deteriorated during the night