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Halls of the Dark Muse

It Is What It Is

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by
Dark Muse
, 03-07-2012 at 06:37 PM (1755 Views)
Some of you who may recall the goings on that have been occurring between a certain friend of mine whom I had lost touch with but had recently reconnected with, just as a brief recap, he said that his e-mail account had been hacked into and he did not know he was being prevented from receiving e-mail, thus he thought that I was the one avoiding him and I thought he was avoiding me because he was not responding to any of my e-mails, but I recalled an alternative e-mail address of his and contacted him via that and we had begun speaking again.

Well ever since are reunion I sensed there was something different about him in some subtle way, though there was nothing in particular I could point to, nothing tangible or obvious, there was no logical reason for me to feel this way, call it a sixth sense, instinct, intuition, being good at reading people, but I just felt something was off.

At first I thought maybe it was just because it had been so long since we have talked and than he told me that he was going through some personal stuff and he was having a sort of crisis of identity and beginning to question who he really is and what he really wants for himself. So we have been conversing back and forth and he seemed to be making some progress upon the stuff he was dealing with, and than it all came crashing down as he confessed the real truth for everything that has happened.

Apparently he has developed feelings for me beyond that of friendship, and we first lost touch, he had in fact been intentionally avoiding me, and the whole story about the hacker was made up, and he does not feel that he can continue to maintain a friendship with his feelings being what they are and so he is withdrawing himself from my life.
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  1. MystyrMystyry's Avatar
    ?????
  2. tonywalt's Avatar
    and then what happens?
  3. Dark Muse's Avatar
    Well it seems the friendship is alas no more since it is his wish not to have any further communication with me, as he feels unable to deal with his feelings and rather just move on and forget.
  4. qimissung's Avatar
    Ok. So, did you all not discuss moving your friendship to another level? Or do you not want that either? Maybe you're involved with someone, I don't know. But if you did want that, is it that he doesn't feel capable of dealing with a serious relationship?
  5. Dark Muse's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by qimissung
    Ok. So, did you all not discuss moving your friendship to another level? Or do you not want that either? Maybe you're involved with someone, I don't know. But if you did want that, is it that he doesn't feel capable of dealing with a serious relationship?
    There is no chance of us having a relationship beyond friendship, which is part of why he is bowing out because he knows there is no hope in it.

    For on and most importantly, I am attached to another person, and quite happily so.

    And for two, his situation is complicated. He is married, but they have an open relationship, so his wife has a lover, and he has lovers of his own, and they all know about it and are happy with that arrangement, but while I am cool with him living that lifestyle choice, he knows that I myself am strictly monogamous.
  6. Buh4Bee's Avatar
    Sorry DM, I think it's time to blow out the flame on this one. What kind of person lives in an open relationship, anyway? If he can't commit, than he should stay single. By nature we get jealous and want what's ours. Who wants to share a man? Better yet, who wants to be with a man who can't control his emotions. He sounds like a weak man and will only make you miserable. Woman, you desire to be worship, you know this. Not held on a pedestal to be admired when he feels like it. Sorry, if I offend you, but it sounds so HS. I know that it is more complicated than my simple interruption, but still- you deserve more and I say cut it off. You'll just keep spinning your tires and going no where. What's the point? Again, take my words with a grain of salt! Sorry, if I hit a sensitive nerve- I'm not judging what you do.
  7. Dark Muse's Avatar
    I do not judge him for his lifestyle choices, as far as I am concerned consenting adults may live however they choose with each other, and what can I say, a lot of my friends are of a libertine nature. But I am sorry to loose his friendship, for whatever flaws and faults he may have, we had a very deep understanding of each other, and there were things which could be confided between us that could not be spoken of to anyone else. In his own way he was darkly beautiful.
  8. Buh4Bee's Avatar
    My sympathies! Intimacy can make boundaries seem confusing.
  9. mtpspur's Avatar
    I would have to say it's for the best he leaves--mostly because the foundation on HIS part was based on falsehoods and dreams--e-mail hacking indeed. But my viewpoint comes somewhat that I have found it incredibly easy for people to up and leave me for hardly a reason at all. It's a shame--had he been more open --or on the other hand less I want what I want because I want it--you might still have the friendship--but frankly I believe he has way too much emotional baggage. Then again I haven;t had a candy bar today so I'm slightly grouchy. Take care.
  10. Dark Muse's Avatar
    I am most angered by the fact that he had first attempted to simply vanish upon me without a word, knowing well that I still have my own emotional issues because of having someone else in my past do the very same thing to me. It is a self-destructive tendency of mine, I am drawn to the emotionally baggage types and not surprisingly it does not often work out well in either friendships or other types of relationships. But because of my own instabilities well it is the lost souls who I most easily develop close attachments with because they can understand the darkest parts of me.
  11. mtpspur's Avatar
    I have been thinking about this fellow a bit and still think oyu are well rid of him. The marriage status--open or otherwise--sounds ot me he gets bored easily and hops from relationship to relationship--I dislike ganes myself and find the truth so much simpler. I tend to graviate to the lost souls as well BUT in the past ten years have come to the comclusion that MOST of the lost LIKE it that way and do not wish to leave their crutches behind. If you can avoid responsibility, commitment--whatever you can easily let life slip on by. And I am NOT necessarily the healthiest mental case either but I do KNOW when I'm being a jerk. All thre best--I always learn something from you. Nice to see this side of you--said with respect.