jhonerliz

My monthly period comes.... just now....

I really don't know what to say here. I also can't understand what I feel for having my monthly period now.

It's been five years of waiting, five years of disappointment, five years of craving, craving to have a baby.

In our first year of marriage, my husband and I told to each other that maybe for God, it's not yet the proper time to have a baby and just we need to wait when God will bless us a baby. But it's already 5 years of waiting. So my husband and I decided to consult on a doctor. I had my first consultation and we realized that asking help for medicine is really expensive. But we need to continue the medication because having a baby is more important than wasting money.

While I'm in the stage of medication, I read from Didache, my gospel reflection this lines, "When there is faith, God is doing His miracles." I showed this passage to my husband and he hugged me. He told me that we need to continue our faith to Him and that He will soon bless us with a baby.

Days passed with full of mixed emotions. Every time I think the different things that may happen to me if I become pregnant, I feel the excitement. Its also happy to see that my husband is always beside me. I trust God but fear also haunts me. There are many times that "what if" stocked up in my mind and can't move myself from trusting God again.

And now, just now, my period comes. I already texted my husband (his on office right now) and informed him about this. I started crying as I logging on here. And I am still crying. I don't know if how long will I wait, if how long will I ask God for it and if how long will I feel the depression and craving to have a baby.

Is five years of waiting not enough? Is the pain not enough?

What will I and my husband need to do for us to have the gift that we are waiting for? Please tell me... Oh God, please tell me what will I do... Do we need to keep on trying and to keep on waiting?...........