My Blog...How original.

I copied it and will read later.

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *hugs*
follow his example everyone. lol.

I read about half Shurty. Perhaps I will try to finish it later. But your writing is quite good. I'm impressed.

As far as it goes, this story is very good. The characters were fairly good for such a short piece. The ambiguity is interesting; I didn't notice it at first.

The opening worked quite nicely. You introduced two characters and the central conflict. That led quickly into the matter of Auni's hand. The only thing wrong with that part was that the symbols were not described. The subsequent conversation with Eligantia was good and revealing. Auni's last sentence in that, regarding someone else seeing the things hinted at the events later that night. If the demons are trying to take over Madoline, then something nasty is going on.

I don't know what is ahead in this story, but I think that the problem with Madoline is only the second step, and there are several steps ahead. The next step will for the girls to tell their parents. I don't know how the parents will react, but I doubt that they will do anything effective. The next step beyond will for Auni to try to figure out what is going on, and that will require learning what the symbols on her hand meant; i.e., research. Some writers would tie the story to ancient Gods, but there are other possibilities.

I think that you should continue to develop the characters. It would be nice if Auni did something interesting when she wasn't being harassed by demons. Madoline might be a little younger than would be best. I got the impression of her being five or six. I think that she should be a couple of years older, just for convenience in communications.

Most of the stories that I critique have major problems with sentence structure and punctuation, but your story doesn't. there are a few places where you used non-standard construction, but those were for emphasis, which is fine.

As far as it goes, this story is very good. The characters were fairly good for such a short piece. The ambiguity is interesting; I didn't notice it at first.

The opening worked quite nicely. You introduced two characters and the central conflict. That led quickly into the matter of Auni's hand. The only thing wrong with that part was that the symbols were not described. The subsequent conversation with Eligantia was good and revealing. Auni's last sentence in that, regarding someone else seeing the things hinted at the events later that night. If the demons are trying to take over Madoline, then something nasty is going on.

I don't know what is ahead in this story, but I think that the problem with Madoline is only the second step, and there are several steps ahead. The next step will for the girls to tell their parents. I don't know how the parents will react, but I doubt that they will do anything effective. The next step beyond will for Auni to try to figure out what is going on, and that will require learning what the symbols on her hand meant; i.e., research. Some writers would tie the story to ancient Gods, but there are other possibilities.

I think that you should continue to develop the characters. It would be nice if Auni did something interesting when she wasn't being harassed by demons. Madoline might be a little younger than would be best. I got the impression of her being five or six. I think that she should be a couple of years older, just for convenience in communications.

Most of the stories that I critique have major problems with sentence structure and punctuation, but your story doesn't. there are a few places where you used non-standard construction, but those were for emphasis, which is fine.

first, the reason it has no Major problems is becuase i had edited with andya last year.
I'm guessing from what you have written, that you have just read the first chapter. lol. because in the later chapters (i have, i think, 32 on the sight) you find out what's going on.
do you think madoline is too young? argh... what makes you say that?
oh, and what age does Auni strike you? my little sis said 14. if you get that impression too, i'm going to have go back and fix it. (whee).
and, last but not least!thank you for such awsome comment on what you think! this one girl on this sight, though i appreciate her constant posting, it brings more attention, is driving me nuts with her short comments that don't tell me what' wrong or what right. lol. thanks you so much for an "in depth" comment!

oh, and thank you virgil.

I didn't get a clear idea of how old Auni was; she seemed to be in her early teens certainy not over sixteen.. Madoline seemed five or six, and I think that she would be better at ten or so.

Most of the stories that I critique have major problems with sentence structure and punctuation, but your story doesn't. there are a few places where you used non-standard construction, but those were for emphasis, which is fine.

YES! YES! YES! Thank you!

Lol. yes andya, i have already given you credit for your wonderful work. i'd hate to see what this story would be like without your help!