maraki16

First thing Mara is to get out and go somewhere, the library, a friend's house, shopping. Don't stay enclosed. I think enclosed spaces for a long period of time repress. Second, if you do any sort of exercise, like jogging or tennis or whatever, get out and do it. Exercise re-orients the mind, sort of reboots it. Third, you can't blame your parents if they asked and you "did not wish to answer." If you feel comfortable, you tell them how you feel. Fourth, you need a friend or two. Isolation distorts reality. There is a normalizing effect to being in a group. Of course I mean a good and decent group, not a dysfunctional one. I hope you have some friends you can trust.

Now as to some of your wild claims.

are my dreams ever coming true?- i guess not.
am i going to find the one i am looking for?- probably not.

and

i feel like i stuck out. like i don't belong here. i am different. not special, by no means better than the others, but i am different. i feel like i was not meant to be here. but then where?

Mara, you're 19. I know that is an adult, but you still have a ways to go before you can say dreams aren't coming true or you won't find the person you're looking for. I bet within 5 to 10 years several of your dreams will come true and you wll find that special someone. And still you'll be a young 29. Hey I'm 47 and still all my dreams haven't come true. It takes time and perseverence and action. Sitting in your room is not going to change anything. Now never ever consider yourself not special. We are all special. You are special. We are individuals and obviously you are a sensitive individual, and if you are an individual then you can't help but be special. In time you will find where you belong, if not in Athens then some other city some other place. Things will settle in. Don't worry. I hope I helped. And take some of those suggestions I gave. They may help.

Virgil gave some good advice, but I know it's hard to motivate yourself when you're in that state. What you're feeling isn't nonsense; I can tell by what you have written. You are so very young and your dreams can be achieved in time. That special someone is out there, but you won't find them cooped up in your room. you have to go out and the world and experience life. What is your purpose? You have the opportunity to create it.

thank you really much, both of you. i try to convince myself as well that the world is full of perspectives, but my dreams seem so hard to be achieved... the only good thing about me, is that although i hit bottom at times, at the end i never give up for some reason. instict of survival? maybe....
and virgil i know your advice is good, actually, it's the same thing i would advice someone to do, but it is a bit difficult to take the decision and act. maybe my emotions need to do their circle and then i will be able to face the world again and see the brighter side.

Maraki, Virgil's advice is good. Very good. And I think the best thing about dreams is their unattainability, if you can reach them then maybe you need better dreams. But you can't reach yours, or can't seem to just yet and that is good. You have good dreams. Don't give up hope.

The day I stopped asking the question: 'why am I here' was the day I started living. Sometimes why isn't the right question to ask. Sometimes (and if you knew me better you'd understand the irony of this statement) it is better not to ask. Just do. The meaning of your life is what you make of it and you've got lots of time to do that.

And you're not on your own. Many people feel as you do at some point in their lives. I hope there's some small consolation in that.

I bet there's lots more that's 'good' about you besides resilience. For one, you write really nicely

Man ! that is so sad..

Sounds like me when i feel so sick of everything .. i just write..

Yet u need to have a little faith in ur self.. & try to face the life .. My best friend said once " LIFE IS CHANGING "
though i dont think so .. but i try to pretend..
coz that is the only way i can survive this harsh days.

wish you all the best.

I back the exercise suggestion. I have frequent feelings of well.. I don't even know what you call it.
But exercise ( I run every morning ) plus writing ( poems, stories, novel drafts ) even if it has no purpose other than to serve yourself, helps, I promise.
I only really skimmed this blog but I'm going to read it again later and give some other thoughts
xx

The questions you ask yourself, about your purpose, about your place on this earth - and the frustration of the misunderstanding will, I believe, subside.
It is my belief that we aren't always born or live in a place comfortable enough to call "home".
Once you find people like you - once you go places which make you happy, things, people and places you connect with - that darkness will subside.

That I can promise you. Just be patient.

Thank you for your comments people. patience...yeah, i know the word...but it has never been to my liking patience....it brings to my mind images such as waiting for the bus to come for endless hours, standing up and with my feet hurting me. not a relly pleasant situation.

No patience...? Hmmm...How 'bout "chilaxing"?