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Not exactly :)

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by
mir
, 02-16-2008 at 07:15 PM (2677 Views)
A problem:

My host family here and I get along, generally. Certainly I'm not as nuts about them as I am about my family back in the United States. But 5 months after I became their new "figlia", I still fight with my mom about one thing or another several times a week. I'm not a very responsible person, and my casa here seems to have rules about everything, which I always end up forgetting, or generally doing something wrong. It's really tiring! Plus, I always feel like my mom is mad or disappointed in me about something/everything. She is always busy and tired, and I feel like apart from everything us I'm just another weight - she's a single mom taking care of now-three kids, a dog, and aging parents all on her own. When she doesn't have as much to do and is more relaxed, we get along; she has more patience and we can joke together. But the times when she's relaxed are pretty rare. In general, we're just very different personalities. And I still feel like this family laughs so rarely!

But, on the other hand, my family has done everything that they can for me, including inviting me along when they go out, taking me to other parts of the country which I doubt they would have visited otherwise, and I think generally trying, in their way, to make me feel at home. I've discussed this with my host mamma, and she's basically left it up to me. I know that a lot of the problem is me - that I can't remember the things that would make her not-mad at me, that I seem to tune people out after I think I know everything they're going to say and don't say when I don't understand; that basically I'm maybe not the sort of person who should have chosen to go on an exchange program.

So: do I tell them that I just don't think it's working - that I think it would be better off with another family, and take my chances with that, hoping that it will also make things easier for my mamma here - or do I stick it out and deal with things as they are?
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Comments

  1. motherhubbard's Avatar
    I say stick it out. I think that learning to get along with another family is part of the experience. Most of the time there are little tensions to work through. It's hard on you to be there and it's hard on them to take in a new member, but ultimately you will all benefit from the experience. Good luck and remember to keep communications open with her. I'm sure it will work out.
  2. Virgil's Avatar
    Tough call mir. It sounds like they've invested a lot (I don't mean money but effort and emotion) into helping you. If you think it would be best for them, then I can understand it. Perhaps you should ask if they think it's working out. Otherwise it sounds like a typical mother-daughter relationship. I've never known a teenage daughter not to argue with her mother. I would lean toward staying, but it's hard not being there in your shoes.
  3. mtpspur's Avatar
    Personally I tend to be a believer in the dealing with the hand that got dealt to me. I favor sticking it out. I would attempt to remain true to your value system but also be the best 'daughter' you can be within the parameters you perceive. Frankly I believe if you cut and run the only lesson you have learned is that it's easy to walk away when the going gets annoying. What then will happen when you face a r-e-a-l problem. As to your mother I salute the fact she's taken on the responsibility--presuming her arm wasn't twisted and there's no money involved--of having you in her life. Enjoy and learn. You'll like yourself better for having stuck with it. With respect-Rich
  4. kiz_paws's Avatar
    I am leaning towards staying, as the others have said. I think, too, that the different culture might add to your 'flounderings' -- in North America, the way that things go seem so slack and laid back, and it is a bit more rigid there? Well, I am not there, so I can only speculate. But it sounds like you have a decent communication base with the host mom, so hang in there, mir! You have us to talk to, too!
  5. 1n50mn14's Avatar
    Stay. =] I think a lot of your problems probably come from cultural differences. Have fun, stay safe, and learn.