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Barmy Blue's Bland Blog

The Exciting Case of the Exploding Egg

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Be thankful I didn't put EGG-citing and EGG-sploding. I did consider it.

So. It's colder now. Summer is over and Autumn is here. Time to snuggle in jumpers and extra blankets but not yet cold enough for all out central heating and winter bedding. Not just yet.
When it gets colder I like to wrap up in blankets (I have a problem. For the past 3 Winters I've collected a blanket or two and/or snuggly cushions each year. I have enough now that I needn't succumb to that temptation this year), eat nice hot foods such as soup and a sudden desire to consume bread, particularly toast. I guess it's the desire for carbs and the warmth of fresh toast.
I like plain toast. Well. With butter. And it makes me think of scrambled eggs. I guess it's the association of cooked breakfast and toast from idyllic memories of hotel breakfasts on Summer holidays.
So today I thought to myself, we have some eggs to get rid of and it's cold. So why not have scrambled eggs on toast. See if mum wants some too. She does. You know what would go great? How about scrambled eggs AND beans on toast. She's keen on the idea. We could try the ultimate combination of CHEESY beans and scrambled egg on toast. Now that sounds delightful on this cold morning.
So I set about creating this amazing meal. Small can of beans. Eggs. What order to do it in? Eggs in the small pan. Beans in the other small pan but which ring on the hob? The big or the small? We usually only have access to the two at the front, a small one and a bigger one. If I use the bigger one the thing will cook faster. So which one goes where? Should I do them separately? No. they'll get cold. Also when to do the toast? Might as well be hot so last then?
Beans first. Because I scramble eggs in the pan so they'll be quite quick. But pan scrambled is dry which is why I suggested adding beans. Mum usually microwaves scrambled eggs but I find it a bit soggy now and the pan is more convenient I think.
Which eggs to use? We have a few boxes of eggs. When I bake something (especially when it's for family) I like to use fresh eggs. It's become a bit of a habit. Old eggs are usually still fine but if I'm not sure about them I hard boil them and put them out for the foxes. It's worked out well so far and I've never encountered a bad one.
So. Now the eggs. I always give eggs a quick shake before I use them. It's a nice way to gage how good the egg is. Nice and sloshy is still fresh enough. When it sounds a bit more slappy like there's something a bit more solid in there then they're still okay but need to be eaten pretty soon.
So I do my egg shake. Crack two in the pan. Pretty liquid. It just all pours out. Fair enough. I planned on just two eggs, one each, but it doesn't seem enough for breakfast for the two of us. Maybe two more then. (We haven't bought eggs for a while since we have 3 boxes of various ages and various amounts of usage. I've opted for the one with the later use by, which is May. We've had 6 month old eggs before. They're not the best but they're okay. And there were six to use up in this box (this is the same box the first two eggs came from))
So I get two more eggs. The beans are nearly done at this point and I'm about to put the toast in.
Shake eggs. Predictably slappy. Crack an egg. Dribbles again. Okay. Next egg. Crack it on the edge of the pan just like the others.
It explodes in my hand.
Spraying egg shell everywhere.
I scream/shriek.
A mold green blob had flopped into the pan of nicely cooking yellow eggs.
It's starting to smell.
Mum comes to check on me. It's rare that she does because she doesn't hear me when the tv is on. It wasn't since it was morning.
She heard the pop. And shriek (for my dignity I'd like to call it a shriek). She thought it was the toaster. We had problems with it yesterday. Maybe it electrocuted me. I'm glad that wasn't it. Toaster was fine today. Thankfully.
So she comes in. Well. This is funny/interesting.
The heat is still on and this is a ROTTEN egg. So it's really starting to smell. I turn off the heat and have to go and wash my hands. You should clean your hands after handling eggs. I used hand sanitizer before. But this required soap and water.
I asked mum to check there wasn't any shell in the beans.
When I come back she's picking up egg shell and the smell has spread upstairs. Then the dog starts retching. She does that quite often. Nothing came out. But did she wretch because of the smell? So we open the doors to try and air out the house.
We clean up the eggs. Had to get rid of the first 3 in the pan too since the rotten one had contaminated them.
We're still going to have the beans on toast. But if it was just beans on toast I'd have used a big tin. There's not really enough beans for two. Then I have a great idea. after putting in the slice of cheese as planned I decide to add a small can of corned beef. Oddly I quite like cooking canned corned beef. I did it with pasta sauce once and found it oddly delicious.
And so I served this interesting mixture with added tomato sauce (I always put tomato sauce in cheesy beans to replenish the colour and so the tomato flavor isn't lost. Also I find tomato sauce gets a bit sweeter when heated).
It was good.

Turns out my mum, who is nearly 70, had never in her life experienced a rotten egg and neither had I. I've read about them, heard about them, seen them in film and television but I've never experienced one before. So this was an experience for both of us.

Im not sure why it exploded. It seriously exploded. That's not an exaggeration. Do rotten eggs always explode when you crack them? Or is it because I shook it first and that stirred up the gasses inside?


  1. NikolaiI's Avatar
    It's so nice to read this, a gentle narrative. Peaceful breakfast until suddenly, eggs explode and all. Hopefully a good story after the clean up.