keep your chin up= im sorry it took so long to return to you and answer your last message.
Do I mean a lot to a lot of people? I don't feel it anymore, and I think that when I felt it I was having the wrong feeling. I'm not treated like someone who means a lot. I'm treated like an occasional dump yard where to drop occasional miseries, because there was no one else supportive enough around them. But when I need to talk about something, like if I feel bad, there's no one around and I end up talking to myself. People have the time and will to talk to me only when they see fit; never when I need it. I'm completely alone. All this time trying to be nice and supportive has brought absolutely nothing. Maybe it's a cultural matter, like you say. I realize I should stop being a caring person always available for people I once regarded as friends, who are uninterested in understanding anything I'm saying. I realize nobody knows me and I know nobody either. Surely none of this makes any sense to anyone but me. The desert's coldness feels a lot more sincere. It's time to quit.
Not real sure what I would do maxi. I'm sure that people often overlook your true value, you mean a lot to a lot of people and there will always be those who don't understand you or your ways because of the differences in culture maybe. an ocean apart makes a lot of difference in the way people think. observe the two of us and the cupcake insident as an example. Maybe it is not you so much as lack of understanding on their part and lack of communication. It is hard to say I'm not sure I understand what you are saying. it is a lot easier to just say your wrong rather than try to understand.
They would say I was the only one who payed attention to them, and now they back off because they are dissatisfied with my answers. They asked, and disliked my opinions, but if I spoke or thought like them they would say I don't care. I've even been called unreliable, as if I could cause some damage from an ocean away just because I said I don't agree with what they say they want to do with their lives. I used to have some use for a while and not anymore, and I'm truly sick of feeling disposable. I'm sick of overthinking why I've been treated like garbage. I'm through, and I feel it's time to step aside, which I've been postponing for a long time. There're some I felt close to, they don't like me anymore, and probably never did at all, so all this time trying to be their friend feels like a waste. Now if I had a problem and needed to talk I'd be totally alone, like always. What would you do if you were in my position? Would you keep trying to hold a link with them?
I believe you, but I've been thinking much about this lately, and every day I'm more and more convinced that I have to learn to keep my mouth shut. My mind works very different from the minds of people I once thought I knew. Many can't really pick what I mean, apparently. Many don't talk anymore, and if they do, they speak angrily because I don't say what they are expecting to listen. Those who used to ask for my opinions have backed off. They dislike what I say, but they asked in the first place. My mind works by itself, and they seem to feel that a friend is a person whose mind follows their lead no matter what they say or do, but on the other hand, if I follow their lead, they would say I don't give a damn. I don't understand what people expect. They seem to lack a steady mind, and I seem to have no more arguments to support my speech with them. I've stayed long nights listening to what they needed to say, when I should have been studying, working or resting.
the meaning for you, and for the idiots around here is quite different. there where several words you used that I had to ponder before decideding rather or not to be mad at you or just kinda laugh and smile. I generaly picked the smile option cause i know you didnt mean any harm
i didnt mind it when u did it.
Thank you very much for participating I didn't know you dislike being called a lady, and you never told me when I did it. I suppose you must have felt odd. I apologize.
http://www.online-literature.com/for...ad.php?t=45889 First thread I created more than two years ago when I joined has been bumped and some people are speaking. Just thought you might want to participate. Not a request though. Just thought I would say it. Restarted from http://www.online-literature.com/for...29#post1079229 (if you don't feel like reading the whole, which is long, or you can just drop a vote on the poll and say nothing, or as you wish).
