pretty much on the same motif as far as sentiments are concerned. i love the way you expose the sentiments of the character. even when he simply states how he feels, it is full of endurance. your character gained my respect, i saw dignity in what i read. although someone could feel pity about someone having such bad experiences, i could not feel that. it is a person that simply doesn't deserve it. to be honest i think i might like the first story more, though i cannot tell for sure. this one has more action, it guides the reader to imagine a certain scene without putting a lot of his own imagination himself, but still, i did not feel opressed, i felt like my imagination was free to think of anything i wanted. i don't know if you get what i'm saying, but what is important, is that the way you write is really touching and i strongly believe it can have an effect on others. i was thinking of your previous story yesterday for a great deal. and i don't know with how many others you have shared them, but i am sure everyone loves the way you write. and as a reader, i am not one of the easily-satisfied. and usually i do a hard critique on others because i believe in the ability of constant improvement. but really, i don't have anything to say. i don't know if there are any mistakes concernind the form of the text or anything like this, but it would take me a lot of time to trace them, for the essence of your writing has captured me...
the only things i have are in my blog. i used to write a novel, but since i am not a tech freak and not that clever, i had not saved it properly on the pcs(yes, i thought i had saved it in my 2 pcs) and after a format...it was vanished into thin air! after that i did not know if it was worth it to write ie all over again- and writing in english is a little difficult when it is not your mother-tongue you know. anyways, if you want you can check my few entries. thanks!
Well it seems you thoroughly understand my story! Everything you point out is completely true. Do you have any pieces of writing i could read?
well i... i believe it is a really beautiful piece of writing. the first sentence is very good. what i liked the most is the fact that the aspects of the boy's character and life are revealed little by little throughout the story, while the reader is left to reach to his own conclusions, which might prove to be wrong in the process. you know at first, i had the feeling that this story contained a part of your own story, of your own feelings and attitude. the warmth in his words is hard to be achieved out of mere creativity. i believe that in such occasions, the author is revealing some of his own feelings. i still have the very same feeling, though i do not know if that is true or not. but anyway, i should just stick to the story. as i was saying, i like the way the character is revealed. really smart that you don't mention what is it that has 'to be fixed'. and at first i had the impression that it had to do about an immature young person, full of self-destruction and completely lost(a conclusion proved to be wrong of course...) and there comes the 2nd paragraph. a wounded aspect is revealed that touched the softer side of me. and it was then that i started to understand what was going on and feel sympathy for this young person. i understood why he had no reason to do anything. then, in the next 2 paragraphs you continued to add pieces to the puzzle of his story. i saw a really romantic, good-hearted person, someone mature. a person determined to put his own needs aside. someone ready to get hurt so that his loved-one could continue with her life and be happy even without him. even if that meant that his own world would collapse and he would be forced to live among the debris of his life until he found the determination, the will, the strength to move the rocks away, to stand up and rebirth. find his ego again, become a part of his own life again. i suddenly came accross to the grandeur of a person that is hard to find nowadays. he just wants her to be happy. not with him. with anyone that can make her happy. the whole monologue, all of his thoughts focuse on her existence. even when in the last paragraphs he says that he has to do something with his life and finally seems a little determined, like all this thought bare fruit after all and helped him reach to a decision useful to his own self...the motivation comes out to be related to her again: the world SHE lives in will be better. so he will make an attempt. he wants to do something. and he seems to be open to the idea of falling in love again, although he knows it is all in vain. for he knows that his heart belongs to her, and he can do nothing about that. and he might not want to give it to anyone else afer all. a character so down-to-earth but so etherial and with so big and bright wings. living among the sinners and the selfish and still being full of grace... i believe you have understood what i think of your story, considering what(oh god! i guess i have written too much after all!) i have written. i hope to read something from you again soon.thank you, it was a pleasurre.mary
Ill have to head off to the gym now, was fun posting with you! Maybe pick this up again tomorrow lol.
