https://www.online-literature.com/forums/blog.php?72281-de-Renal The largest classic literature discussion forum on the Internet. Read Write Teach Share. en Sun, 07 Jun 2026 05:13:35 GMT vBulletin 10 https://www.online-literature.com/forums/images/misc/rss.jpg https://www.online-literature.com/forums/blog.php?72281-de-Renal https://www.online-literature.com/forums/entry.php?10917-Drifter Thu, 26 Aug 2010 13:20:54 GMT Summer is slowly dying, the air is not as hot anymore. Morning chills always soothe me somehow, there's a feeling of ease in everything I do.
Autumn is my favourite time of year. Trails of long shadows following my steps, walking through the streets covered with fallen leaves; I hear them rustling among my feet. The days are shorter, the Sun low above the horizon, and warm winds mix the clouds in the bloody sky, announcing the evening that slowly falls from the vast oceans of universe.
There's a feeling of sadness and happiness, intertwined with memories of the past and anticipation of what may come. There's a need to walk through the parks in the afternoons, sit on benches, watch people go by and invent their fortunes, while, at the same time, my spirit wanders off to my balcony, where I sit with sunset on my face, tucked up in blanket with book in my hands and thoughts in distant lands. Sometimes it's the timeline that stops existing, and I find myself drifting back through the centuries, roaming through the halls of ancient monasteries, feeling the spirits coming back to life, speaking the illnesses of their times, or wandering over the squares of middle age towns, watching the processions of weary knights coming back from eastern wars. Fair ladies pass me by, beggars and paupers of ill skin and rotten teeth approach me, grinning at my face, asking for food, hoarsely laughing. I come from another time, but they don't frighten me; antics and jugglers, monks and peasants, healers and clairvoyants whirling up the dust, transforming their three-dimensional space into the reality of my sleepy room. And I find myself back in my chair, awakened from the daydreaming, regretting the swiftness of time into which I’m lost. The borders are erased, and all that there is left are remains of the day. ]]> de Renal https://www.online-literature.com/forums/entry.php?10917-Drifter https://www.online-literature.com/forums/entry.php?10775-Squandered Thu, 29 Jul 2010 09:36:16 GMT Morning serenity. The world is still turning, not much has changed since yesterday. The Sun is appearing above the horizon, cold air streams through... Morning serenity. The world is still turning, not much has changed since yesterday. The Sun is appearing above the horizon, cold air streams through the windows making the room shiver. I sit in my bed rethinking the past and listening to the sounds of the city. It all became equal, days and nights shifting, one flowing into another, turning into soft, fluid solution of recent occurrences and deeds. No tangible border in between. I breathe slowly, feeling the cold particles rushing deep into my lungs, and for a moment a vague feeling of composure overwhelms my tired limbs.
Silence becomes me, and, although broken by the distant siren from time to time, I am comforted by its stillness. Yet, no peace is present. I can’t seem to articulate my dreams; even if I tried, I can’t get a hold of their puny bodies. The more I think of them, the more volatile they are becoming, vanishing into thin air of my mind one after another. And, just before my eyes open to consciousness, I become infinitely sad. There is no ‘because’, only ‘whys’ grinning at me like carnival harlequins. I feel no regrets; my actions are my children whom I’ve somehow managed to squander along the way. Trying to get up, I can’t; the weakness is stronger this time. The tea’s gone cold, and I wonder what time it was. The Sun is already in its crowning point, I can tell by the absence of shadows in the room. I think I’ll try to sleep now. ]]> de Renal https://www.online-literature.com/forums/entry.php?10775-Squandered https://www.online-literature.com/forums/entry.php?10743-Settled Wed, 21 Jul 2010 13:42:20 GMT My life has entered a quiet phase. After many years of turbulences, reaching the bottoms and climbing heavens, I am now settled on a level of... My life has entered a quiet phase. After many years of turbulences, reaching the bottoms and climbing heavens, I am now settled on a level of harmony. Everything I ever wanted is mine, and, observing from the distance, one could say I’m happy. Or, at least, undisturbed.
I didn’t have it all when I was a child, or, maybe I should say – I’ve learned the life a hard way. Unlike most of my friends, the sweet fruits of youth were forbidden when I needed them most. And not much is what I wanted – some knowledge, and a chance to travel from time to time. So I ended up finishing college I never even thought I might like; the circumstances I found myself surrounded by were so unexpected that I considered myself lucky enough to be given the opportunity, without thinking about the consequences.
There was a moment in my life when I found myself completely lost. I couldn’t tell the difference between right and wrong; the world I once knew turned into the distorted projection of something I thought I should settle with, and, with all the people around me telling me I couldn’t go farther than that, I did.
But, it’s funny how life always finds its way to get you back on the right path!
Maybe it was the revolt in me that made me rethink my deeds and redo my thoughts, or maybe just pure human urge to survive and stay sane at the same time; I don’t know – when the walls closed down on me, I jumped into the whirl hoping to be strong enough to swim out alive and well. And I did.
But often, when I lie in my bed before going to sleep, I think how thin the line is between staying at the bottom and coming out in one piece; and I’m thankful I chose to fight for the latter. ]]> de Renal https://www.online-literature.com/forums/entry.php?10743-Settled https://www.online-literature.com/forums/entry.php?10738-Alone Tue, 20 Jul 2010 10:22:17 GMT The end of the day always makes me sad somehow. At twilight, when everything is quiet, peaceful, soft, I feel trapped by my thoughts who grow bigger... The end of the day always makes me sad somehow. At twilight, when everything is quiet, peaceful, soft, I feel trapped by my thoughts who grow bigger and bigger, buzzing like the bees building the hive inside my head, and finally deteriorate into nothingness. Sometimes the setting sun, which slides down my bedroom window, makes me easy; its warmth cuddles my face and I think there is nothing in this world to make me more tranquil than this soft, warm blanket from the sky. The past haunts me, and I keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again. I never learn; and I'm not sure one ever does. The dreams I have vividly speak of my regrets, even though, when I'm awake, I know things couldn't have been different. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I wake up with tears rolling down my cheeks. People I loved aren't here for me anymore, and there is no way to tell them I'm sorry. And even if I did, nothing more can be done. I just wish I had more courage to except the fact that every person, including me, is all alone. ]]> de Renal https://www.online-literature.com/forums/entry.php?10738-Alone