https://www.online-literature.com/forums/blog.php?44518-In-Limbo The largest classic literature discussion forum on the Internet. Read Write Teach Share. en Fri, 05 Jun 2026 20:44:35 GMT vBulletin 10 https://www.online-literature.com/forums/images/misc/rss.jpg https://www.online-literature.com/forums/blog.php?44518-In-Limbo https://www.online-literature.com/forums/entry.php?5438-In-Limbo Sat, 17 May 2008 18:16:23 GMT Stomach acid and blood in between dry heaves... Jesus Chris, how the **** did I get here? I can't really even remember...
When I was young I wanted to be a Junkie. I thought there was something romantic about it. The "dying poet". All of my heroes at the time.
These were the early nineties I'm talking about. That's my generation, after all. Long since passed. Shannon Hoon, Lane Staley, and of course,
Kurt Cobain. Later in life came others like Charles Bukowski and William burroughs and Bob Dylan and Jim Carroll. All drunks and junkies. All of them
my heroes.
Not that I particularly blame my current situation on the media, just that I soaked it all up and identified at the time, or so I thought.
I never thought about the other side. I never considered the sickness. Never thought about the almost complete lack of proper sleep. The constant
and ever growing stomach ailments. Going to sleep at 3:00 in the morning and waking two hours later, needing a drink or a hit because I was too
sick to continue sleeping. Waking up feeling like someone was kicking my *** all night while I was passed out. Hustling my family and closest friends
for a few dollars at a time. Stomach acid and blood in between dry heaves. Jesus christ, how the **** did I get here?
The first time I got high was somewhere in sixth grade. Speed. Some prehistoric diet pill called "Adipex". I believe it was an amphetamine.
I remember so sharply how I took five or six or them (way more than necessary) and shoveled the snow in the driveway slowly, enjoying at the time
the biting cold air. That night was the first I ever spent tossing and turning on account of drugs. I diddn't particularly like it, but I diddn't
really not like it, either. Around the same time I experimented with downers that my dad was prescribed to. I don't remember what they were called,
but I remember how much more I liked them than uppers. You need to know that I was a spaz as a kid, a serious spaz, so downers made me feel more
"normal". Ironic, as I can no longer remember what "normal" feels like. No more target range. **** it.

...to be continued ]]> sparr0w https://www.online-literature.com/forums/entry.php?5438-In-Limbo https://www.online-literature.com/forums/entry.php?5253-In-Limbo Sat, 26 Apr 2008 23:53:00 GMT "Any problem can be solved with proper concentration.
Any code can be broken with a little time
and a viable starting point.
Things tend to end in much the same fashion
in which they began.
What falls in the middle, as riddles,
are the interchangeable".
-(Introduction, Shoelaces For Tranquilizers, by me)

And so here I am. Here I sit in this place with bottle in hand... Here we are at the begining of my one and only blog, which I will title "In Limbo". The passages will be labeled accordingly (IE In Limbo 001, In Limbo 002, etc). Eventually, my goal here is to chronicle my thoughts, experiences, and insights on a weekly basis (though I may choose to post more than once a week at times). Before we get to that, however, I will aim to catch you, the reader, up on my life story. The things that have happened in my life up until now, and the way in which I theorise how these experiences may have affected and/or impact myself, my thought processes, my overall approach to life, and also not to discount the effect these experiences may have had on those around me who love me (which inarguably affects me by proxy in return).
I must also forwarn you that the story of my life is, how shall I put it politely, "inordinate". Yes, inordinate. That is a good word. A good start at least. Another way to put it is that there are people out there who may find themselves being disturbed by some of the things which they may read in this blog, particularly these opening entries which tell the backstory of my life. There is everything from homelessness to alcoholism and heroin addiction to molestation, and then some things that are even worse. If you are easily offended or disturbed, I do not recommend continuing.
Otherwise, if you do decide to read on, for whatever reason it may be, I can certainly promise you one thing: Honesty. I will be brutally honest and censor nothing. The main reason for this is my overall aim here: To subject myself to a searing self-analysis though incredibly sincere introversion. Some of you may no doubt benefit from this. As I alluded to before, there are a number of reasons one may choose to read this blog, and then another set of reasons alltogether why one may choose to continue reading after starting.
Perhaps you are reading this because you are a fan of my poetry. Perhaps you wish a looking glass into someone elses mind. Maybee you hope to learn the lessons which I learned for you through my actions and experiences, so that possibly you can "take my advice", instead of following in my footsteps and suffering the consequenses which I have suffered. A good portion of you are simply bored. Whatever your reasoning, I hope you enjoy. I hope you can get something out of it. And finally, I really really hope that if you choose to read these entries, you choose also to leave some kind of comment. I don't care if you have criticism. That's cool, as long as it's constructive (It's okay to disagree with what I write. Just tell me why).
I don't care if you don't have anything "deep" or "insightful" to say. A simple "thanks for taking the time" is high praise, indeed! It really bums me out with my poetry when I see, for example, 144 views, but only 10 comments. It leaves me thinking I did something wrong. Also, I would really above all appreciate it if you were to tell your friends to check out these blogs (if you enjoy them, that is). If you shoot me a Personal Message, I could keep you updated on when I post a new "In Limbo" blog, and also if you would like, whenever I post a new poem. Again, thank you so much for at least reading this, and I sincerely hope you plan to continue following up with future posts.
-De Mi Corrizone- Chris O. ]]> sparr0w https://www.online-literature.com/forums/entry.php?5253-In-Limbo