Literature Network Forums - Blogs - Planet of the Ape by BulletproofDork

Hey! What's this?

BulletproofDork — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 00:29:24 GMT

Huh, what's up with these changes? :p .... WHEW! Look at that. You can save a draft! That's good. Definitely good. Wonder what else is new.

But anyway, that's not why I decided to blog today. I decided to blog today 'cause I'm faced with a big dilemma. Do I look better with glasses or with contacts?

Seriously, though.

GLASSES.

CONTACTS.

I'm not quite sure what I like best.

Planet of the Ape

BulletproofDork — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 02:48:56 GMT

The new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. So he took out a card, wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:1." Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.
Revelation 3:20 begins, "Behold, I stand at the door and knock."
Genesis 3:10, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked."

That was an old joke my parents used to love telling. I was cleaning out the family room and I found an old typewritten copy. Funny, but now, I really can't figure out why I used to like it so much.

Anyway, for the reason I'm super excited. CAMP IS NEXT WEEK! I can't wait to see all the old friends ... Every year, we exchange email adresses and phone numbers and every year I happen to lose them. I'm hanging on to a spark of home that this year will be different.

We picked pictures from Lebanon to print today ... Guess how many pictures? 150 AND we didn't even get through half of them. But anyway we were playing around with some of them and this is how one turned out.

I'm rather satisfied with it. :p :p :p

... Oh, and I might as well say it: I HATE PHOTOBUCKET!

Planet of the Ape

BulletproofDork — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 08:25:07 GMT

Has no one noticed the title of my blog?! :(

So the plane is tomorrow. Busy, busy, busy. Last minute visiting.

I kind of feel bad about not blogging very often here. But it's just that the ever present stifling heat is kind of a put off. And then the laptop is always losing connection, or someone is using it. I've got plenty of excuses.

OOOOOOH, I almost forgot. Guess who has contact lenses?! MOI! I tried them on yesterday and they are cool! But I only got like 50 pairs to wear when I'm going out. It's kind of funny, but I am perfectly okay with that. I've been wearing my glasses for almost forever and not having them is going to take some getting used to. I mean, I look soooo different. :cool: I'll definitely be posting some pictures.

And I got an eyebrow job ..... Gee, that sounds weird. We went to a salon and got our eyebrows plucked. Painful, yes.

I've always had Groucho Marxish eyebrows, but I think the lady might have gone too far on me. It's weird, like one moment you like then and the next you don't. My mom thinks I look too old. :D If that's true, I'm hoping I could pass for 21.

Planet of the Ape

BulletproofDork — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 20:28:38 GMT

I WANNA GO HOME SO BADLY!

A month is just way too long of a time to be away from home. I miss my cats, my dad, my friends, my computer, even my mom's blood red car. It's too hard to live in someone else's house for this long. I mean, I'm not the cleanest person in the world and I really try to remember to wash all my dishes as soon as I'm finished with them, but, man, it's hard! ... Especially since my uncle happens to be a huge clean freak, and I couldn't be more opposite.

I did have the best day ever last Sunday. We went to the beach and we actually were able to swim in it! The Mediterranean is so nice and warm! But the bottom is sooo sharp. :mad: I cut my foot and it still hurts a ton. The lady who invited us is a lot of fun too. In French (or Arabic :D It's hard to tell which is which sometimes), the pool is called a pisine (no idea how to spell it, but it's pronounced 'pee seen'), she told us she prefers to swim in the sea because the pisine is ... (piss in :p)

Anyway, we had a lot of fun. And I got a bagful of pretty rocks and seashells.

I don't know if any of you (besides Bakiryu :D) watch Doctor Who, but recently I watched the "Shadows in the Library" episode. I feel so stupid, but nearly everytime I enter a room at night, I unconciously count the shadows! It's stupid! But that episode was so freakily awesome.

Planet of the Ape

BulletproofDork — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 13:03:49 GMT

Bullet is very tired today. After spending an a few loooong hours on the beach (and getting a fabulous tan :D), she must come home to find the house being prepared for dinner guests ... Bullet also thinks she's being spolied rotten, but that's just an entirely different matter.

Bullet really likes Lebanon, but the lack of people her age is undeniably present. Like when Bullet met the next door neighbor after coming home from the beach. Thier conversation went something like this:

HER: "I heard you went to the beach today. How was it?"
BULLET: "It was great. Look at the tan I got.
HER: (completely ignoring Bullet) "So how was the weather?"
BULLET: Like usual ... sweltering.

Then the conversation turned to how hot the weather is getting.

:flare: :mad: :yawnb: :( :lol: ;) :alien: :idea: :p :bawling: :blush: :thumbs_up :sick: :crash: :) :D Sorry. :p The neighbor's daughter is here and she just wanted me to do that.

(sigh) Gotta go. Everybody is saying it's their turn to use the computer.

Planet of the Ape

BulletproofDork — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 15:04:13 GMT

BONJOUR! COMMENT-ALLEZ-VOUS!

Sorry. It's just that everybody here speaks French and it's so annoying. Especially to non-French speakers. Like you can be driving in the car with someone and all of a sudden they will start speaking French and laughing heartillly. Then you're sitting there, wondering if they're laughing at you. Wondering if they're insulting you right there, to your face. It's so bloody annoying!

Anyway, I have awesome pictures. And I can't wait to post them.

These are just some random pictures from the photobucket account.

Anyway, I can't stay on long. Apparently, my uncle has to pay a lot for internet and I am trying not to stay on long.

Our house is on the sixth floor and the balcony is just marvelous for throwing things off of. I want to throw a tomato but it'll be too much (and I'll get into BIG trouble), so I'm stuck with candy wrappers.

I really like how close together everything is here. Like, the other day I walked to the bakery (by myself) and ate zaater with labneh. The other day, I blogged about how crazy the drivers are. Well, when I was trying to cross the street (to get to the bakery) there's a huge street with two sort of dividers in the middle. AND no pedestrian crossing! So in order to get to the bakery, I had to pick the moment when it was least likely for the cars to run me over. Frightening prospect, considering the amount of cars unwilling to stop.

Planet of the Ape

BulletproofDork — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 15:04:09 GMT

BONJOUR! COMMENT-ALLEZ-VOUS!

Sorry. It's just that everybody here speaks French and it's so annoying. Especially to non-French speakers. Like you can be driving in the car with someone and all of a sudden they will start speaking French and laughing heartillly. Then you're sitting there, wondering if they're laughing at you. Wondering if they're insulting you right there, to your face. It's so bloody annoying!

Anyway, I have awesome pictures. And I can't wait to post them.

These are just some random pictures from the photobucket account.

Anyway, I can't stay on long. Apparently, my uncle has to pay a lot for internet and I am trying not to stay on long.

Our house is on the sixth floor and the balcony is just marvelous for throwing things off of. I want to throw a tomato but it'll be too much (and I'll get into BIG trouble), so I'm stuck with candy wrappers.

I really like how close together everything is here. Like, the other day I walked to the bakery (by myself) and ate zaater with labneh. The other day, I blogged about how crazy the drivers are. Well, when I was trying to cross the street (to get to the bakery) there's a huge street with two sort of dividers in the middle. AND no pedestrian crossing! So in order to get to the bakery, I had to pick the moment when it was least likely for the cars to run me over. Frightening prospect, considering the amount of cars unwilling to stop.

Planet of the Ape

BulletproofDork — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 09:29:21 GMT

Three things occur in Beirut with annoying frequency - the traffic, the heat, and the power outage.
There is something in Lebanese blood that drives them with the compulsion to drive like maniacs and attempt to run each other over. Nobody sticks to one lane and everybody drives the wrong way. That, combined with the sweltering heat, makes for one nauseating headache.
The power outage is especially annoying. You can be watching TV on any day of the week - when BAM ... the power is gone. A second later, someone (usually my well-meaning uncle) will say "the power's gone". Even though it's perfectly obvious! :mad:
The most adorable little girl (who also shares my first name :D ) left Lebanon last Wednesday. So dissapointing! That kid was so darn cute! Unfortunately, she didn't speak a word of English, so it was kind of hard, but still manageable to talk.
In these almost two weeks we've been gone I've gotten very good at one thing - kissing. Upon greeting, Lebanese people are known to kiss each other on the cheeks. But the difficult thing is to know how many times. It's most commonly three times (alternating cheeks), but some, mostly old people and shy little kids, do either three kisses on one cheek or just one kiss on one cheek. And in America, some Lebanese people do one kiss on each cheek. :p It's really quite confusing.

A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

Learn Chinese
English Phrase / Chinese Translation

1. "That's not right"............... Sum Ting Wong

2. "Are you harboring a fugitive?".. Hu Yu Hai Ding

3. "See me ASAP".................... Kum Hia Nao

4. "There goes Stupid Man".......... Dum Dum Wa King

5. "Small Horse".................... Tai Ni Po Ni

6. "Did you go to the beach?"....... Wai Yu So Tan

7. "I bumped into a coffee table"... Ai Bang Mai Ni

8. "I think you need a face lift"... Chin Tu Fat

9. "It's very dark in here"......... Wao So Dim

10. "I thought you were on a diet".. Wai Yu Mun Ching

11. "This is a tow away zone"....... No Pah King

12. "Our meeting is next week"...... Wai Yu Kum Nao

13. "Staying out of sight!"......... Lei Ying Lo

14. "He's cleaning his automobile".. Wa Shing Ka

15. "Your body odor is offensive"... Yu Stin Ki Pu

16. "Great"......................... Su Pah

You Drink Too Much Coffee When...
* Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.

* You ski uphill.

* You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.

* You speed walk in your sleep.

* You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack."

* You answer the door before people knock.

* You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

* You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.

* You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

* You sleep with your eyes open.

* You have to watch videos in fast-forward.

* The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.

* You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.

* You lick your coffeepot clean.

* You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."

* You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.

* You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.

* Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

* You chew on other people's fingernails.

* The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.

* You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.

* You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.

Planet of the Ape

BulletproofDork — Sun, 08 Jun 2008 10:44:57 GMT

Equal But Not The Same
"Equal" is not always synonymous with "the same." Men and women are created equal. But, boys and girls are not born the same.

1. You throw a little girl a ball, and it will hit her in the nose.You throw a little boy a ball, and he will try to catch it. Then it will hit him in the nose.

2. You dress your little girl in her Easter Sunday best, and she'll look just as pretty when you finally make it to church an hour later. You dress a boy in his Easter Sunday best, and he'll somehow find every mud puddle from your home to the church, even if you're driving there.

3. Boys' rooms are usually messy. Girls' rooms are usually messy, except it's a good smelling mess.

4. A baby girl will pick up a stick and look in wonderment at what nature has made. A baby boy will pick up a stick and turn it into a gun.

5. When girls play with Barbie and Ken dolls, they like to dress them up and play house with them. When boys play with Barbie and Ken dolls, they like to tear off their appendages.

6. Boys couldn't care less if their hair is unruly. If their bangs got cut a quarter-inch too short, girls would rather lock themselves in their room for two weeks than be seen in public.

7. Baby girls find mommy's makeup and almost instinctively start painting their face. Baby boys find mommy's makeup and almost instinctively start painting the walls.

8. If a girl accidentally burps, she will be embarrassed. If a boy accidentally burps, he will follow it with a dozen fake belches.

9. Boys grow their fingernails long because because they're too lazy to cut them. Girls grow their fingernails long - not because they look nice - but because they can dig them into a boys arm.

10. Girls are attracted to boys, even at an early age. At an early age, boys are attracted to dirt.

11. By the age of 6, boys will stop giving their dad kisses. By the age of 6, girls will stop giving their dad kisses unless he bribes them with candy.

12. Most baby girls talk before boys do. Before boys talk, they learn how to make machine-gun noises.

13. Girls will cry if someone dies in a movie. Boys will cry if you turn off the VCR after they've watched "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" movie three times in a row.

14. Girls turn into women. Boys turn into bigger boys.

The Hamster
The children begged for a hamster, and after the usual fervent vows that they alone would care for it, they got one. They named it Danny. Two months later, when Mom found herself responsible for cleaning and feeding the creature, she located a prospective new home for it.

The children took the news of Danny's imminent departure quite well, though one of them remarked, "He's been around here a long time--we'll miss him."

"Yes," Mom replied, "But he's too much work for one person, and since I'm that one person, I say he goes."

Another child offered, "Well, maybe if he wouldn't eat so much and wouldn't be so messy, we could keep him."

But Mom was firm. "It's time to take Danny to his new home now," she insisted. "Go and get his cage."

With one voice and in tearful outrage the children shouted, "Danny? We thought you said Daddy!"

A Poem for Moms and Dads
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my sanity to keep.
For if some peace I do not find,
I'm pretty sure I'll lose my mind.

I pray I find a little quiet
Far from the daily family riot
May I lie back--not have to think
about what they're stuffing down the sink,
or who they're with, or where they're at
and what they're doing to the cat.

I pray for time all to myself
(did something just fall off a shelf?)
To cuddle in my nice, soft bed
(Oh no, another goldfish--dead!)

Some silent moments for goodness sake
(Did I just hear a window break?)
And that I need not cook or clean--
(well heck, I've got the right to dream)

Yes now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my wits about me keep,
But as I look around I know--
I must have lost them long ago!

QUIT WHILE YOUR AHEAD
A man was waiting for his wife to give birth when the doctor came in and informed the new dad that his son was born without a torso, arms, or legs. The son had only a head! But the dad loved his son anyway, and raised him as well as he could, with love and compassion.

After 21 years, the son was old enough for his first drink. Dad took him to the bar and tearfully told the son he was proud of him. Then Dad ordered up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously, and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy took his first sip of alcohol.

Swoooop! A torso popped out of the bottom of the son's head! The bar was deadly silent; then burst into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begged his son to drink again. The patrons began chanting, "Take another drink!" The bartender stood still, shaking his head in amazement.

Swoooop! Two arms popped out. The bar went wild. The father, crying and wailing, cried for his son to drink again. The patrons continued their chant: "Take another drink!"

But the bartender turned his back at this point, ignoring the whole affair.

By now the boy was getting tipsy, but with his new hands he reached down, grabbed his drink, and guzzled the last of it. Swoooop! Two legs popped out.

By now the bar was in chaos, with the father on his knees, thanking God. The boy stood up on his new legs and stumbled to the left, then to the right, then right through the front door, and into the street, where a truck ran smack into him, killing him instantly.

The bar fell silent. The father began to softly moan in grief. The bartender picked up the boy's empty glass, and began to clean it, muttering, "That boy should have quit while he was a head."

Amused? :D

Planet of the Ape

BulletproofDork — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 13:50:39 GMT

Arabs are loud people. Seriously. I mean, I used to think I talked a lot, but here - nu-uh!

Planet of the Ape

BulletproofDork — Mon, 19 May 2008 17:02:01 GMT

It's done. I've finally entered three pictures to the fair, so there is no possible way of changing my mind. I'm just praying I've chosen the right ones.

And now, I've decided to start saving for a videocamera. My digital camera can record a maximum of 60 seconds, but it's not really enough time to do something fun. :p What good times I could have, forcing the kids at church to act in a play.

Good news. After spending numerous hours trudging through shopping mall after shopping mall, I've finally found a pretty dress for my uncle's wedding. It's brownish with milky white polka dots. So even if we don't end up going, I can still wear it to my graduation next year.

Speaking of graduations, I cannot wait for next year! Andya will be graduating from high school, and I have exclusive rights to her slideshow. I'm just bursting with excitement, and cannot wait to sort through humiliating pictures.

:D :D :D

Planet of the Ape

BulletproofDork — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 06:06:21 GMT

I meekly followed my mom inside the large, glass doors, pausing only for a moment to glare at the poster of the picture perfect model. Her bleached white teeth taunted me.
The receptionist glanced at us from her computer screen. From her bored look, I could only assume she had been playing a game of solitaire and not doing so well.
About five minutes later, I was seated in the big, scary adjustible chair. I anxiously glanced around the room. On the left wall, a couple of built in shelves housed a dozen denture models. Creepy. Next to them was a bunch of technical-ly equipment. In the middle of the room, was a TV on the wall. There was nothing playing. Isn't it funny how a trip to the dentist's office can make you see irony in everything? :p
On the right side, there was - yup, you guess it, more equipment, and a couple of handouts and recommended toothpastes.
I glanced at the room across the hall. Three adults and two dentists were attempting to force a small, sobbing kid to open his mouth.
My sympathies, friend.
But my time was coming, too. Two dentists followed by my mother walked into the room. First I needed a cleaning, then some coating on my teeth to protect them from future decay.
I got through the cleaning okay, but the teeth coating, :crash: , that was a different story.
They gave me GOGGLES! That was when things really started going badly. They put blocks around every tooth that they were coating, so that no saliva could reach them.
That should have been my cue to spit everything out, knock the two dentists' heads together, and run out the door. There was a nice Indian lady, next door. Maybe she would understand.
But most likely not.
In conclusion, I have no cavities! Twelve years without getting a single one! It isn't fair. :p I want a silver tooth, like Captain Jack. Granted, his are gold, but I'll take what I can get.

:p Kidding.

Planet of the Ape

BulletproofDork — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 01:13:17 GMT

I was reading B's entry a few minutes ago. Hope he doesn't mind if I do the same. :D

From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Groucho Marx

I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.
Dave Barry

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
James Thurber

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
Mary Hirsch

The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity.
Harlan Ellison

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.
Rita Rudner

If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer.
Alfred North Whitehead

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.
Dorothy Parker

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
Dale Carnegie

Never criticize a man until you've walked a mile in his moccasins.
Native American Proverb

Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.
Dave Barry

I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.
August Strindberg (I thought this was funny, but don't really agree with it)

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
Mark Twain

Eccentricity is not, as dull people would have us believe, a form of madness. It is often a kind of innocent pride, and the man of genius and the aristocrat are frequently regarded as eccentrics because genius and aristocrat are entirely unafraid of and uninfluenced by the opinions and vagaries of the crowd.
Edith Sitwell

No race can prosper till it learns that there is as much dignity in tilling a field as in writing a poem.
Booker T. Washington

Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.
Dave Barry

Tomatoes and oregano make it Italian; wine and tarragon make it French. Sour cream makes it Russian; lemon and cinnamon make it Greek. Soy sauce makes it Chinese; garlic makes it good.
Alice May Brock

What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease.
George Dennison Prentice

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'
Jay Leno

Sharing food with another human being is an intimate act that should not be indulged in lightly.
M. F. K. Fisher

Cleanliness and order are not matters of instinct; they are matters of education, and like most great things, you must cultivate a taste for them.
Benjamin Disraeli

Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength.
Eric Hoffer

Politeness and consideration for others is like investing pennies and getting dollars back.
Thomas Sowell

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
Dave Barry

:D :D :D

Planet of the Ape

BulletproofDork — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 01:42:43 GMT

And a B+ on a different assignment, but still, I'm happy. :p I decided to celebrate with the wild font color.

A slightly blush-worthy thing happened at class lately: Example.

Teacher: Your next assignment is to shoot something meaningful to you.

Me: *raising hand* But isn't that ... illegal.

Nobody laughed. :blush:

I took some pictures with my digital camera too.

(That's Rony with the catnip)

(My paws and Garfield's toes. :p ... And tail.

For some reason, I really, really like the second one. It draws to me, but Andya says it's weird.

Anyhow, I'm so psyched about my grades. There was test recently, too, and I only got one problem wrong. I can't believe how irresponsible adults can be, though. I mean, three fourths of the class don't even get their projects done on time. :alien: Why not! We get a minimum of two weeks to finish something, and I personally think that is more than enough time ...

End of short rant. I need chocolate.

Planet of the Ape

BulletproofDork — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 05:20:52 GMT

Big. Chocolate. Bunny. Ears.

Mmmm.

Well, this is the second entry. . . . .

I've got a lot on my mind, hmm. *sarcasm*

Should be getting to bed, soon.

That woman's voice is like a whale giving birth.

Not that I've ever heard a whale giving birth before.