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Coming Home

Shurtugal — Tue, 22 Jan 2013 11:24:34 GMT

It's 2013.
Coming here is like coming home. I miss such a friendly environment with such stable friends. When things are in a whirlwind where I am at, I can come here and find a sense of peace. I've definitely done some growing up here.
I approach my second semester of my second year of college. I am both eager and apprehensive as to what this semester might hold. Outside of a impressive amount of music classes, after all I am a music major here at the community college, I am taking Introduction to Philosophy and a psychology course on child development. All my math and English requirements are out of the way and I now focus on my social and physical sciences.
It has been such a shamefully long time since I have written anything, I do not know where to begin.
I am turning 20 (it's striking to think I joined when I was nearly 14 years old) and am preparing to transfer from my community college to a university with not only music (vocal performance) as my major but doubled major in Korean. I'm looking at UCLA and UC Irvine as my potential schools along with a few school in South Korea.
Last May and June I actually went to Korea by myself for a whole three weeks. Jumped on a plane and traveled and practiced the little Korean I knew. Most frightening, stupid, and wonderful thing I've ever done.
I have a boyfriend now. First boyfriend I've ever had. That's a exciting and frightening change. We've been together for a little over 6 months and I have no idea what I'm doing.
I miss literature. I have for a while only stimulated, if one could even call it thus, with youtube videos and facebook. I have come back here (hopefully for a longer stay) in order to remind myself of the importance of knowledge found in books and wise council. It's good to be home.

America is Like Kimchi

Shurtugal — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 06:58:21 GMT

Essay I wrote for my intercultural class... :D

To me, America is like kimchi. Kimchi is a traditional Korean dishes made of vegetables that have been spiced and fermented. There are various types of kimchi made from different vegetables such as napa cabbage, green onion, radish, or cucumber. What most people think of kimchi though is the napa cabbage. Although there various other ingredients the brunt of the dish is the cabbage.

The reason why I think America is like kimchi is because while America is made up of mostly white/anglo people (cabbage) what makes America so different from a lot of other countries is how there are a mix of other cultures (the spices). Without these other cultures and races, America would be nothing but another country that only hosts a certain race of people. This is similar to kimchi in that without all the spices and other ingredients, kimchi would just be plain cabbage. Another similarity is that kimchi only gets better the longer it ferments. Obviously, Americans do not ferment but the relationships between the different cultures have had time to adjust to each other. One-hundred years ago it would have been a rare sight to see cultural diversities we see today and take for granted. It has only been through time that we have gradually blended together and which makes us the diversity we are today. The final thing that makes America similar to kimchi is the different types of kimchi there are. The similarity here is the way each city in America not the same in its diversity. The group of people in the Bay Area is different from the group of people in New York or in Los Angles. While there are some commonalities, there are obvious differences.

Needless to say, America is not exactly like kimchi. The most obvious flaw to this metaphor is that while there are many cities with a lot of cultural diversity and intermixing, especially around the coast, there are still more that are not. This not a bad thing in anyway though. As long there is not prejudice, having a single culture is fine. After all, sometimes it�s nice to have just plain cabbage.

Education

Shurtugal — Fri, 02 Sep 2011 19:11:22 GMT

ummmmmm... long time no see? I feel like a child who didn't call their parents when they decided to stay an extra hour at a party. XD

Yikes, so many things have happened since I've last blogged. For a few things, I graduated highschool, I'm now 18, I moved out of my parents house and moved in with my grandparents, and I just finished my first week of college.

Ummm... with that out of the way. I would like to share with you my first college essay.

Education can be a necessary step to a productive lifestyle. While not all occupations call for it, though most jobs do these days, it is often an important component to a better life. Education is the steps in which you take through various means to achieve your goals. Do not be fooled into thinking that education is the drive to things. No, something outside of education must be the force that enables you to move through the tiresome road. Finding that, however, can be very trying and difficult. As much as people tell you what you need, until you discover it for yourself, it�s hard to really appreciate.

All through out high school, before my senior year, I would claim I had a passion for this or passion for that, without ever really understanding what that meant. Because of this lack of insight, when I would see some kids who had true zeal, I could not identify it. What baffled me the most was seeing fellow students who would not only stay far on top of their grades, but also participate in countless events to better themselves in the field they wanted to go into. I was a lazy high schooler who put their school off to the last minute thus impairing my ability to do other things. My mom told me I lacked passion for what I wanted. I denied it aggressively, blaming circumstances or school itself for my lack of initiative . I never understood what she meant or what I saw in the other students until my senior year in high school. At that time, I joined a ballroom dance class. The teacher was marvelous. His zeal for dance surged forth each class night often resulting in an hour of free extra teaching. He cared for his students and wanted nothing less than to share with them his delight. As a computer engineer who taught dance on the side lines, he probably sacrificed a good nights sleep a few times just in order to teach us. It was through that class I experienced what passion was.

From this experience, I learned to hone into what I wanted for my future. I cleared out the clutter that previously distracted me from my goals. Discovering what it means to be in love with something is one of those sweet things in life. With my new found passion for ambitions, college and whole idea of education is so much more exciting. Education is no longer a outsized wall to climb over in order to achieve my targets. Now, it is the steps that take me to the heights of my dreams. Every time a subject is finished, a project done, it means I am one step closer to fulfilling my desires. No person or even language can tell you what passion is. It something you have to live.

Another Blog

Shurtugal — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 18:43:30 GMT

So, i have started another blog on blogspot.
http://13elievesuju.blogspot.com/
it's a blog thatwill keep one updated with this sewing contest i'm entering. Look at all my sketches, rate vot,e, and all that jazz.
Please read!

Note to Self

Shurtugal — Sat, 12 Feb 2011 19:56:14 GMT

If glum or feeling blue, do not listen to hopeless songs about love going astray, heartbreaks, and other depressing subjects. Also don't listen to too many love songs, 'cause then you will become jealous. Don't listen to angry songs about power and such, because then you'll become upset and disdained at the the people who... have (on purpose or not) hurt you.Avoid music that you have put your own meanings behind them. Those broken memories and shattered will reappear as you listen to them.

All in all, avoid music for the time being... or at least do not let yourself marinate in all the things listed above if you so happen to listen to music.

Graduating and Korea

Shurtugal — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 22:57:54 GMT

I'm graduating from highschool this year....... Blah. I'm starting to consider not doing ANYTHING for my graduation, like, technically not even graduate. No diploma, gown, ceremony, party, ect... Since I'm homeschooled and am not in an ISP, I won't have a ceremony unless I join this group of other homeschoolers like myself or plan one with me being the only graduating person in my "class". (Which, excluding me, doesn't exist)
Well I'm not joining a group because the only group I know of, I'm not willing to put in any effort into it and give up any Friday night dance classes. (Reason one, I enjoy the dance classes too much. Reason two, I don't think it's altogether really fair for my dance partner).
The other option of planning my own doesn't really appeal to me. In fact the whole entire idea of graduating just kinda annoys me in general...
Also, there seems to be a chance that I might go to South Korea this very summer for three weeks. I'm gonna flip if I actually get to go. ^^ My dad has already said that he's not totally opppossed to the idea and thinks it might be in fact good for me. :) So yeah, exciting things going on. I really hope I can go. Something about the Asian cultures consistently call my name. Spending three weeks there w/ a family (The system I'll be probably going through has you stay at a "hosts" house.) and taking a intensive launguage course I think will give me enough time to see if I really do like it or if I'll be repulsed. I pray that I can go. I just love Korea. (And it's not just because I like their music. ^^)

Interesting

Shurtugal — Sun, 23 Jan 2011 20:17:18 GMT

This week has been INTERESTING.......
Been kind depressed and stressed out all week. Last night at a party, I just started crying. (THAT'S REALLY EMBARRASSING BY THE WAY!) Just been like, emotionally unstable. So, I avoided going to places that I thought would give me time to think a lot in public.
Other things that made this week interesting.
I didn't eat ANYTHING for 24 hours. That's a first.
I almost passed out for unknown reasons (other then not eating for like, uh, 12hrs at the time).
I threw a piece of lettuce at a friend at a Round Tables. That was fun. :D
This morning while I was lying in bed, I was super sad and crying and all that fun stuff so i started praying and i was like, "God, I jsut don't know who I can talk to about my problems.......... Oh wait." Duh. XD
Interesting Week.

"Ooops" and "Venting"

Shurtugal — Sat, 18 Dec 2010 20:30:56 GMT

Has it really been so long since i last blogged? I really didn't realize it had been. >< I thought it was only a few weeks, not almost two months! I'm sorry. :( I didn't mean to.
Okay, I'm going to vent. Whether you like it or not. I'm sorry. But I have some stuff on my mind.
One thing. I'M SO LAZY!!!!!!!!!! Grr! Like yeah......... I sleep for like 8 hours, and i'm wiped out all day. Really??? It's so frustrating. I don't want to be tired. I REALLY, REALLY don't want to tired. I had a party the other day, and like, yeah, i did some cleaning and made some cookies, but i was practically falling asleep and it was only like, what?, 10:30? Nathaniel was tired too, but at least it was because he had only like 3 ( i think) hours of sleep and went to school all day..... Then there's me, i went to bed at 11, got up at around 8, cleaned the house, watched some tv, made some cookies, beaded a bracelet, checked the computer, and some more cleaning. I didn't even do school. :mad5: And yet I'm wiped out by the time people start arriving and before everyone leaves i have a terrible headache?
WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME? I'm sick and tired of not being able to retain energy. I'm tired of not being able to sleep well. I can't remember the last time i slept all through the night without waking up once. I wake up in the middle of the night really hot. But in the morning, i'm freezing.
When i woke up this morning, at like 6 (against my will ) I had the weirdest stomach ache... It felt like my intestines were on fire and they were really sore. :sosp: really? Come on........
Gah....... And like, i'm not very good at school. I don't apply myself at all. I'm just sick and tired of it. It's like there's no point to it all. So what if i'm smart or not? I'm gonna die one day anyway........ What's so big about education? Why do you have to a degree just to get a job? Why can't you just be good at it? Or why can't i just take those certain classes to get my degree? How in the world will the make-up of the cell profit me in my singing? Why exactly do i need to know the square root of pi when i read music? Basic math skills, english grammar, i understand why you those. Government... yeah, that makes sense. But algerbra? Biology? CHEMISTRY? why do i need know about this tuff? How will the knowledge of what makes up water help me in a real life situation or in attaining more knowledge in the realm of music?
*sigh* okay, i'm done venting. :P
Other then that, i'm actually doing pretty good. :D
Fighting!
~Argetlam

I'm an Onion

Shurtugal — Sat, 23 Oct 2010 23:39:57 GMT

I just remembered from the first movie of Shrek, Shrek tells Donkey that ogres are like onions--they have layers. well, needless to say, humans are like onions too. We have layers.
Funny thing is, sometimes you don't even realize you have so many layers. You'll just be sitting there, thinking about sometime and as you get more involved in your train of thought, you realize you have just found several new layers of self hidden inside.
Sometimes, it not always finding a new layer but instead finding out that what you thought were two separate layers, were actually one.
It's with a mixture of joy and dread do you discover these layers. Sometimes its one or the other...
Oh, in case you haven't guessed. I found new layers... I'm just a complicated onion.

Hiding

Shurtugal — Fri, 15 Oct 2010 02:09:19 GMT

At choir, I was starring across the room where the basses sit. Like, omg, have I ever mentioned how much I've fallen in love with the bass voice? It's been a recent romance, having only developed since June. Anyway, no one's really concerned with that romance� And that's not what I want to talk about.

The point of this blog is to tell you about an embarrassing something that happened on Tuesday. So as I was saying, I was starring off into deep space toward the bass section admiring their voices and feeling bad for them. The teacher is very hard on them. Really hard on them. But it's fun to watch them make faces. Especially one guy in particular. (Ben I think his name is, but I'm not sure if that's the correct spelling) . He makes the funniest faces sometimes that remind me a lot of my friend� So I was gazing in their direction. (Staring probably would be the more appropriate word, but I'm pretending I wasn't rude.) And suddenly, or unintentionally, I lock gazes with Ben. This has happened once before with him, at the beginning of the semester. We were standing in the hall and I thought he was trying to catch my eye so I attempted to catch his. Then there was a long process of both of us looking confused not sure if we were trying to look at each other or not. Well, this time it started out like that, both of us looking confused about staring at each other, but then it took a turn.

I don't if he smiled and then I blushed or I blushed and then he smiled, but the result was the same. Now, let me quickly explain his first smile. It was not a big toothy smile or anything it was not even a complete smile. It was more of an amused happy look on his face and I'm not even sure if his lips were at curled in a smile. But after that "smile" and I grinned back, out of simple "niceness", and THEN an amused smile appeared on his face. My cheeks flared red.

See, if blushing isn't enough, I was so clever as to hide behind my music sheet. There's something that expresses absolute embarrassment when you hide behind you're music. Well, immediately this made me look more embarrassed then just blushing. So I poked my head out above my music just to discover with no doubt whatsoever, he was most assuredly looking at me. Before all this, I wasn't positive, I had tried to tell myself he was looking past me. But now, with my cheeks raging as red as cherries, he was most defiantly looking at me and grinning. I ducked behind music again. My stomach was a raging cave of carnivorous butterflies. I stole a few more glances in his direction but avoided his entertained eyes which I thought were still looking at me.

So that's my embarrassing tale. And the moral of this story is to not hide behind your music, it just makes you look like a total girl who is crushing on someone. The End.

"If you're in pain, that means you're probably doing it right"

Shurtugal — Sat, 02 Oct 2010 16:23:29 GMT

Well, a brief address to last entry's topic. We have set an appointment with the EMT on the 12th, until that time, I probably shouldn't sing. If I just tell myself it's not even for two week, i think i'll survive through the experiance. I'll try to keep you update with this, hit me over the head if i ever forget.
Let's see, what else has happened... *scratches head* Oh, wednesday i started a babysitting job with a few friends. We go to this church for two hours and watch somewhere around a 20 toddlers and infants. Last week i was abandoned, for just reasons, with all 6 of the toddlers by myself for around 45 minutes. At first, i had to calm the mini panic attack that fought in my mind, but once that was done, the near hour went smoothly. We played with crans and playdough, ate snacks, played hide and seek... Corrected some kids, got them of the counter and the table. Stopped arguements and fights over toys before they really got started. Conforted this adorable little girl when she got hurt. (SHE WAS SO CUTE!!! ^_^) Dealt with the smartest kid there when he usedd his smarts on me to do things he wasn't supposed to do. (never knew how difficult smart kids are. if/when i have kids, i will keep them dumb until their old enough to handle their smarts... I'll assume around 21... heehee, jk. I'm not eve that old)
Yesterday I went to the memorial service of Chi Ping Peng, the grandfather of one of my best friends. It was probably the most beautiful memorial service i have ever attended. Unlike most memorial's i went to, they weren't morning his death. They celebrated his life. It was amazing hearing all the things this 92 year old man did throughout his life.
Then we came home for a pitstop before heading off to my grandparents. At my grandparents, we ate dinner (ugh, i ordered this salad, bleh... nasty salad) and just hung out and talked 'till around 7:30 when my mum and i left for dance lessons.
Can i say i absolutely adore my dance partner?? Cause i really do. I just love Nathaniel. :) He's so amazing. We giggle and laugh all through the lessons like abnoxious teenagers, but i kinda think the teacher enjoys seeing us having so much fun because i've caught him smiling at us. Idk, if he's just doing that because teachers are supposed to do that to make bad students think they're actually good, but whatever. On the subject of the teacher, I would just like to say he's amazing. Like AMAZING. So fun and full of life and you can really, really tell he LOVES what he does. Last night he stayed over a half-hour with us (Nathaniel, Alex,Chelsey, and I) working on our form. (Haha, funny awkward moments to hang over people's head. :D) That when he said what is quoted in my title. My reply to Nathaniel was something to this effect, "So, I guess we can conclude that ballroom dancing is NOT romantic seeing how much pain is involved"
For an example of what our teacher did to keep his arms up for correct form, he, while he was still learning in college, tied a broom across his back and his arms so his arms would stay up strait. O.o Nathaniel's response, "Whoa, that's hardcore."
After the extra private lessons, Nathaniel and I offered to help him get his stuff. (A suggestion from Nathanie's mother) We ended up talking with the teacher about dance clubs at colleges and the prizes you get if you win competitions. Then he gave us a CD of all the music we have been practicing with so we could practice at home everything we learned. He also asigned both of us to learn the ChaCha and the Salsa by next friday. It was flattering to know he likes us enough to give us extra work so we could progress faster.
At the same time, however, now we have extra work to do. XD
My response to Nathaniel, "So..... What are you doing tomorrow?"

:'(

Shurtugal — Sun, 26 Sep 2010 22:49:07 GMT

This weekend has been relatively interesting....There was dance class which always brings happiness to my heart. :blush: Love my dance partner, and i enjoy the other kids with whom we take the lesson with. Then the same night there was game night, and that always holds a bundle of laughter, not matter who's there... it's a larger bundle too. :arf:
Then my friend spent the night... that was nice too.
That was the nice part of the weekend, the light that keeps this weekend worth smiling at... but then theres that shade of darkness.
So, we went to a friends house yesterday and i don't think i have ever been such a depressing house. It wasn't so much that it was depressing because it was dark and grey (although it was). It was depressing cause i remember what her family use to be like. It wasn't the happiest family in the world, and when we were younger i honestly didnt' care that much for going over because of that. But now...... Her dad had three strokes in the past 2 years and was left partially paralized. To see her have to cut his stake and remember the countless times i saw him cut hers when she was little is heartbreaking... The relationship with her mom has gone downt he drain. She calls her mom stupid and they shout at each other a lot....
I don't know if i told anyone, but in june i was told my a vocal doctor that i should stop singing for about a month do to painful vocal problems. Well, in the end, after seeing another doctor a month later, i didn't start "officially" singing till about a week ago. and already, i've been having problems again. Last night, while in the shower, i just started sobbing when i realized that my dream of being a singer might be deing. I realized that maybe this wasn't the course i should take. My voice teacher has even told me that as a singer i shouldn't be having this many problems at sucha young age. So last night was just, I think, a break down of that realization. And i've been crying off and on all day.
So yeah, I need prayer.

Poll? Korea or Japan?

Shurtugal — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 20:44:19 GMT

I'm seriously thinking of learning abroad for my freshman or sophomore year in college.... (it depends on what i can get done in my last year of highschool.) and i have a toss up between Japan and South Korea. Most people are telling me to go to Japan, but i THINK i want to go to South Korea... Some people who argue for Japan say it's because Japan has more technological stuff and they think "rice fields" when they think of Korea. :P
What do you think?

Really?

Shurtugal — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 21:58:28 GMT

Why is it when it finally gets hot enough to go to the beach or go swimming, you'r best friends start school.
Fate, thou art cruel.
I mean, come on, really? Summer's been great relitively speaking.... And i hate the heat anyway, but i've been wanting hot whether so i'll have an excuse to go to the beach or maybe just go swimming with my buddies. ^_^ Granted, Fate did heat up the weather but it was only when my friends started school. And their the type of friends who are really dedicated to their school and won't skip out on homework just to hang out with friends. :P (why must you be such good people?)
We have the kiddy pool that's about two feet, if that, deep. XD And fitting three full grown girls in it plus a toddler is a task that i will not embark on. Besides, i'm not one into wading. If i get wet, i wanna GET WET.
Oh, and if i said that a particular race tended to be better at something then most other races, and the race i'm not talking about not being my race, would that be considered racist?
If it is, is being racist really a bad thing? Like, i mean being a "hater" is deffiniantly not chill, but pointing out that one race has a tendency of being better at something then another, is that really bad?
FORGIVE SPELLING! SPELLCHECK ISN'T WORKING AND I'M TOO LAZY TO GO OVER MY WORK. HOPE YOU STILL LOVE ME.JKJK ^_^

Such great guys....

Shurtugal — Sat, 21 Aug 2010 16:16:44 GMT

I have such wonderful guy friends! ^_^ IS that okay to boast about? Because i'm really proud and honored to know these guys. I mean, they're not perfect (that would probably be annoying) but they're real gentlemen. :) And that's something special. Like Alex, he just got back from Germany, and he got me a present for my birthday even though it had almost been a month since then. He got me a glass bracelet, necklace, and earing(those came with the necklace) from Venice (his family visited Venice while in Europe). Appearently they're this special kind of glass made on this island there. THey're really famous.
And he got everyone chocolate including some for my sister even though she's not really part of the "Gang". (She hates him for that now. XD But it's a good kind of hate). OMgosh! That chocolate was SOOOOOOOO good! ^_^ I ate it all yesterday, i couldn't help it. XP
And then there's Nathaniel! Gah! I love this dude. ^_^ which is kinda weird for me to say like that because he IS my age... But, well, i don't care. :P What's interesting is although we hung out a lot before, i feel like this past year we have discovered more same interests. He's really special. Like, i can't really even say why because sometimes i don't even know. It's going to be really sad when he goes to college after we graduate. I think i'm going loose him!!!!!!! :'( *cries*
And then there's brandon who's unspeakablely awesome. 'Nuff said. XD "CUTEST ASIAN BOY EVER!" (quoted from my older sister)