https://www.online-literature.com/forums/blog.php?14543-Shannanigan-s-Search-for-More The largest classic literature discussion forum on the Internet. Read Write Teach Share. en Fri, 05 Jun 2026 15:12:39 GMT vBulletin 10 https://www.online-literature.com/forums/images/misc/rss.jpg https://www.online-literature.com/forums/blog.php?14543-Shannanigan-s-Search-for-More https://www.online-literature.com/forums/entry.php?9744-Teaching-Again Tue, 19 Jan 2010 23:48:12 GMT So, as much as I was sure that I wouldn't be teaching again any time soon, I am a pushover. When the school called me begging me back, I gave in and returned, with a few conditions:

-I refuse to work full time.
-I will not turn in lesson plans for teaching yearbook.
-I only teach 12th grade English (which I already have lesson plans for).

I like the set up. I'm technically a "substitute" teacher who isn't on a salary...so if the administration starts to demand too much of me, I can just say "no." If they don't like it, I can leave, and I won't be breaking any contracts...not that I think I would ever actually leave like that (I love the kids too much to abandon them, I would wait until the end of the year), knowing that the opportunity is there is very comforting. And, hopefully, it will keep the administration from throwing projects on me like they did last year.

I walk two miles to my mother's house every morning, work out with her on Wii Active for an hour or so, then shower, iron, and she gives me a ride to school by lunchtime. I leave at the end of the school day, find a ride home (I sold my car before leaving for Puerto Rico, but might have a new-used one soon), and then maybe write a few articles for demandstudios.com if I feel like it.

Before, I was writing articles every day and just paying the bills that way. Now that I get paid weekly for "subbing," I feel less inclined to. What I really need to do, though, is get my creative juices flowing and start writing some short stories again. I miss that.

In any case, I am momentarily back once again. Good to see y'all! ]]> Shannanigan https://www.online-literature.com/forums/entry.php?9744-Teaching-Again https://www.online-literature.com/forums/entry.php?9115-Wow Tue, 20 Oct 2009 19:37:04 GMT Where to start?

I've missed LitNet badly...but I've been going through a lot.

I'm in Puerto Rico, and had started a Master's program in English Literature, but am no longer planning on sticking with the program. I've discovered just how much growing I have yet to do, and have realized that a lot of that growing needs to be done by spending time with my family, of which I have none here in PR.

So, it's back home for me.

I also realize that I really, really need to start writing. Like, NOW, or else I just might never do it...and that would make me sad. So...I'm going to go home, and I am going to start writing. I'll have to find a source of income in the time being, of course, and hopefully I will find something that doesn't drive me as crazy as teaching did.

I can't handle that kind of insanity right now. Call me selfish, but I need to get *my* stuff together before I can hope to teach teens how to get *their* stuff together.

...even though they really, really need teachers back home.

I'll figure it out when I get there.

In the meantime, I'm lying back, enjoying Puerto Rican culture, meeting new people, trying new things, and considering this a vacation before going home to start working on, well, life.

Miss you all! ]]> Shannanigan https://www.online-literature.com/forums/entry.php?9115-Wow https://www.online-literature.com/forums/entry.php?8230-A-Teacher-Learned-Something-Today Sun, 17 May 2009 13:47:19 GMT If there is one thing that teaching English literature did for me which studying it in high school and college did not, it was to give me a greater... If there is one thing that teaching English literature did for me which studying it in high school and college did not, it was to give me a greater appreciation for learning about the author, time period, location, and other background material regarding a text before reading it.

I always hated the "Build Background" activities we had to do in high school before actually getting to the fun part of reading a work. In college, I forcefully avoided writing literature analyses using the "Biographical" or "Historical" perspective. I always just wanted to read the work as it stood on it's own; I felt, at the time, that a well-written work would stand on it's own regardless of who wrote it, how old it was, or where the author was living/writing about.

Admittedly, this attitude somewhat carried into my teaching. The department had ready-made worksheets which students were supposed to fill out by reading the "Background" sections in the literature textbook, and before each section I would simply hand out the worksheets and tell them to work in pairs or small groups to find the answers to fill in the blanks. I agreed with them when they said it was boring, but I added that it was necessary in order to understand the reading we were about to do. Then, as a class, we would go through each item on the worksheet; I may act it out or say something funny about it, and we would discuss it and I would answer any questions the student had. Then we would move on to the fun part: reading!

It was soon after teaching "Beowulf," and realizing that the story meant nothing to the students who hadn't done the worksheet and discussed it in class with us, that it suddenly hit me; as much as I hated background info in high school and college, I would be useless as a literature teacher without it, because without being able to discuss the time period these stories took place in, these kids would have NO idea what was motivating these characters, why they did things that are so different from our culture, or even what the author was alluding to in certain situations.

It's sad that it took me teaching literature to see it, and I wonder if my students who aren't becoming literature teachers will ever quite understand how boring "Beowulf" would have been without having done that Anglo-Saxon worksheet.

They loved "Beowulf," by the way, and months after learning it, you can still hear them in my room crying "Beowuuuulf!!!" whenever someone says/does something strong/forceful.

I love that part of the job. ]]> Shannanigan https://www.online-literature.com/forums/entry.php?8230-A-Teacher-Learned-Something-Today https://www.online-literature.com/forums/entry.php?8022-An-Article-That-Made-Me-Think Thu, 16 Apr 2009 17:46:44 GMT http://www.huffingtonpost.com/barbara-ehrenreich/the-higher-education-scam_b_47287.html College can be the most amazingly enlightening experience... http://www.huffingtonpost.com/barbar...m_b_47287.html

College can be the most amazingly enlightening experience of a lifetime. I loved almost every minute of it, from St. Augustine to organic chemistry, from Chaucer to electricity and magnetism. But we need a distinguished blue ribbon commission to investigate its role as a toll booth on the road to employment, and the obvious person to head up this commission is Marilee Jones.

I know; it's an old and outdated article, about to reach it's second birthday...but I do have to wonder how I managed to go this long without stumbling across it. I have read Ehrenreich's work before, and I am currently getting my stuff together to move off island and get my MA in English Literature - it just seems I would have stumbled across this at some point in my internet perusal.

Anyway, all personal surprise aside, the reference to college as a "toll booth on the road to employment" and the need to re-think its roll as such did catch my attention. I've been thinking along the same lines, recently. I mean, really, what does an MA in English Literature do for me, professionally? I can get paid more as a teacher...but that's not really why I'm doing it. In truth, me getting paid more for that MA seems kind of funny to me, since I definitely won't learn any new teaching strategies, teaching technology, or teaching anything during that degree; I'll just gain a bit more content knowledge.

And that's good; and teachers with MA's should be rewarded for working hard to gain more content knowledge, but really and truly, should I decide that I don't want to teach anymore, what is an MA in English Literature going to do for me that my BA in English can't? Not much. Perhaps give me an edge over someone competing for an editing job or something, but is two years and a few thousand dollars worth that?

Luckily, I'm not getting my MA for professional gain; rather, I am doing it for personal fulfillment. I truly love literature, reading, writing, discussing...everything that an MA program would entail. It would push me to think, and I love being pushed to think, because it just gives me the mind-gasms that I can never get enough of.

But, really, why DOES college get to keep its role as the "gateway to the working world"? By now, most of us have realized that there are plenty other ways to gain the knowledge needed for most jobs out there; and in many cases, EXPERIENCE proves to be much more valuable than having sat through a few dozen classes in the last 4 years and listened to and written about the feild you are interested in.

I'm not knockin' college: I love it! (Obviously, or I wouldn't be running back to it like I am now). But why does it have to be THE place to go, and THE place you have to have been to get somewhere? I enjoy college for the mental stimulation; I enjoy college in the moment, without looking toward what to do after graduation. It's smart to have a plan for what comes after graduation, sure, but I don't want to ignore the meal on my plate now because I'm too busy thinking about the dessert, you know?

Just thoughts. I encourage all of my students to apply to colleges; I think it is very important that they see the value in higher education. However, much of that value focuses on the job opportunities it opens and not the experience you have INSIDE the classrooms besides when you're frat-partying and rights-marching. The things that happen in the classrooms can be more that credit-earning survival to the finish line...and not enough people see that, I think.

Despite all this, I know that schools are popping up all over the place that focus on work experience and are slowly debunking my complaint. Still; I felt like writing it down, so there :P ]]> Shannanigan https://www.online-literature.com/forums/entry.php?8022-An-Article-That-Made-Me-Think https://www.online-literature.com/forums/entry.php?7242-For-Those-Days-of-Uncertainty Mon, 19 Jan 2009 14:18:06 GMT As a first-year teacher, I've had my days of uncertainty. This picked me up:

Why Do We Need Literature?

By the way, I've applied to a Master's program in English Literature at the University of Puerto Rico (simultaneous opportunity to improve my Spanish - yay!). Keep your fingers crossed for me! ]]> Shannanigan https://www.online-literature.com/forums/entry.php?7242-For-Those-Days-of-Uncertainty https://www.online-literature.com/forums/entry.php?6597-Writing Sat, 18 Oct 2008 20:28:38 GMT The trick about getting the idea in one's head to write a novel, is that in order for it to acutally happen, you have to commit yourself to it.

This has always been my problem. I've got novel ideas coming out of my ears, but I just keep running into issues of TIME.

I'll admit, there have been times when I really wasn't too busy to be writing. I've had my share of lazy summers and easy semesters. For those, I will take responsibility for. Still, I'm not getting any younger, and time isn't getting any more abundant.

So here I sit, with this new book idea. I acually even started writing it this week, since I've been all holed up in my apartment riding out Hurricane Omar. And yet, I know that once I get back to school on Monday, that the book will be set aside, left to collect whatever kind of dust collects on a file in a jump drive.

I saved it to a jump drive with the fantastical thought that maybe, during my prep periods, I could sit in the teacher's lounge and get more writing done. Pah. As if. Any teacher knows that I'm more likely to have an entire class pass with a grade of 101%.

Grrr.

I don't want to give up on another idea! :bawling: I've had too many lost to my tattered notebooks, I want one to at least make it to a publisher to be rejected! Sheesh!

I read that the key thing to do it just set a time aside each day (or night) to write, and tell yourself that you will get at least ____ pages done every 24 hours.

I don't know, I stay up as late as it is planning, and it's not going to get any easier. Next quarter I start teaching the stuff that I didn't cover while student teaching...all new material for me and the kiddies, yay!

This is why I want the Stegner Fellowship, so I won't feel guilty taking a break from teaching to write, and to have people riding my *** and depending on me to write for two solid years.

Never has that sounded so attractive. ]]> Shannanigan https://www.online-literature.com/forums/entry.php?6597-Writing https://www.online-literature.com/forums/entry.php?6578-Restlessness Fri, 17 Oct 2008 13:29:58 GMT These Great Returns of mine are turning out to not be so Great after all, so I'm just gonna be honest and say, "Hey, I'm here, but I'm a big bad busy teacher now, and I may not be around every day."

But here I am! I survived Hurricane Omar (which decided to become a Category 3 just before hitting us) and have recieved a few days off of school in return, which I have decided to use to get back into my much-missed writing.

So much blog-worthy stuff has been going through my head lately. First off, there is the fact that, well, I have attempted to write quite a few novels in the past couple of years. What always winds up happening, though, is that my impatience gets the best of me, and I drop it.

I remember reading once that a novelist should always have the ending of their novel in their head as they begin to write it, so that they know what direction they are going in. I've never, ever, had an ending in my head for any of my prospective novels. I don't know, I hate ending things, or maybe I just didn't have a strong enough message to know where I was going with the story, who knows? I am, after all, an amateur.

This current project though, I feel good about. I came up with the ending FIRST, and am building the book around it. To solve my issue with impatience, I am instead making the book a collection of short stories which are related to each other, and which will all tie in at the end for the ending I have come up with.

That sounds confusing. Basically, I'm writing a collection of short stories about kids living in the Virgin Islands; stories which show how while the problems they face are similar to those American kids face (we are an American territory), they are a different breed of problems because of the culture they are living in. In the end, all of the stories will tied together as a parent-teacher conference reveals that only parents, teachers, and the community at large can help these kids overcome their problems. Not all problems can be solved, but many can be overcome with the support of the role models around us.

Anyway, uber-excited about that one. So excited, in fact, that I'm thinking I'm going to start applying for the Stegner Fellowship at Stanford. I say "start applying" rather than just "apply" because I don't expect to get in this year, so I'll re-apply every year and just keep my fingers crossed. It's a two-year fellowship at $26,000 a year to attend weekly writing workshops, listen to guest speakers, and write, write, write. I think it would be extremely good for me.

Today the thought occured to me that I could collect a lot of my past blog entries from high school and college, turn them into short stories, and self-publish a book of non-fiction stories from a Virgin Islands student. It would be humorous, mostly, because that is what I would blog about - the stupid things that happened to me, but I think it would provide great entertainmet for someone interested...maybe?

I don't know. The fact that being away from school has instilled this much motivation and inspiration into me makes me wonder if I was really meant to be a teacher and not a writer. Maybe I needed to be a teacher, though, and inspire my students first in order to come to this point. Maybe I'm meant to be both.

We shall see.

I refuse to settle! ]]> Shannanigan https://www.online-literature.com/forums/entry.php?6578-Restlessness https://www.online-literature.com/forums/entry.php?5328-Shannanigan-s-Search-for-More Tue, 06 May 2008 01:49:12 GMT So, yeah, I think I may be back! I mean, this is the first night in a very, very, very long time in which I find myself WIDE awake while the rest... So, yeah, I think I may be back!

I mean, this is the first night in a very, very, very long time in which I find myself WIDE awake while the rest of the world seems to be asleep. For so long I've been so busy, and now, here I am, with a bookcase of unread books behind me, LitNet at my fingertips, and this strange, wiggly feeling which may just be...excitement?

So, a lot has happened since I last posted. To be honest, I've only made one post tonight, in the "What are you thinking?" thread, but I figured I'd start slow :D

My boyfriend Chris and I have just about finished building our apartment. We are living in it now, and it is gorgeous. For the first time ever, I kind of have my own "place," and, thank the heavens, I have MY OWN OFFICE. That ROCKS. My own desk, file cabinet, and bookcase built into the wall. Ahhhhhh....

I finished school. I graduate May 12 with a BA in English and enough Education courses under my belt to get certified locally. I'll be applying to work in a public school here, and I've already been told that the school I student taught at is requesting me :D

Over the summer I'll be in West Virginia, working at a summer camp as an archery instructor. I'm excited to get off island, pull away from work and school, and sort of investigate another part of myself for a couple of months. I'm also hoping I'll find time to read and write while I'm there, as I've missed out on reading a LOT of books I would like to read and my writing skills have plummeted with lack of practice. Gawd, must I sound so acadamn-demic?

Ermmm. I miss it here, hopefully I'll be in the swing of things again soon :) ]]> Shannanigan https://www.online-literature.com/forums/entry.php?5328-Shannanigan-s-Search-for-More https://www.online-literature.com/forums/entry.php?5221-Shannanigan-s-Search-for-More Tue, 22 Apr 2008 17:56:23 GMT Ok, let me get one thing out before I jump into this: I am all for the continued education of teachers. I like that school districts are now required... Ok, let me get one thing out before I jump into this: I am all for the continued education of teachers. I like that school districts are now required to only hire certified (o certifiable) teachers and that certification requires a certain amount of education courses and credits in the subject area being taught. I want our teachers to be educated individuals who we can trust with educating our children.

What I must say, though, is that I think there must be an alternative to using the university setting for the completion of these courses (curls up into defensive stance to avoid blows).

Hear me out. In an ideal world, a significant portion of our population would go to college straight out of high school, and a signigicant portion of people would obtain degrees, and out of that portion, some would decide to take their knowledge and passion for their subject matter into classrooms to keep the ball rolling.

But, ladies and gentlemen, we are not living in an ideal world. And guess what? That's really not that bad.

Confused? Why? I like having classmates who are coming "back to school" even though they have families and homes already. I like having classmates who have simply stayed in school. Non-traditional students bring something different to the classroom. So, no, I'm not here to say that everyone HAS to go to college right out of high school...I was just stating a point that this is what would be ideal if we want to hold teachers to the standards that we are holding them to today.

Unfortunately, we have a less than ideal case. Formerly, being a "student" was my sole occupation. I grimaced at the current high school teachers in my courses who constantly needed extra attention, help, and extensions because of their lack of time and inability to complete assignments that I felt should have been things they'd mastered completing way before stepping into a classroom. I was appaulled that our children were being taught by such lazy people who were "obviously" disconnected with the current world of academia.

Then I became a student teacher.

God.

Suddenly, my ability to write a 15-page thesis with ease is worth nothing. Sure, writing those papers will help me know what problems to look for in my students' writing...but that is knowledge that I had to have had BEFORE stepping into the classroom. Asking a CURRENT teacher to go back and write a thesis is pointless....that will take too long, they're already teaching, they need something more IMMEDIATE than a 14-week course in writing.

Now I look at these teachers in my courses, and I totally understand why all they want is to get a passing grade. They don't want to be excellent students, they want to be excellent teachers, and these classes take up valuable time that could be spent planning and preparing for the next day class. SURE, it would have been nice to have taken History of the English Language BEFORE teaching Anglo-Saxon Literature, but if you're already in the classroom and have 2 weeks to cover your unit, and the university course is 14 weeks, you, my friend, are screwed.

Teachers who have not met certain criteria need something better. My local university offers summer crash courses in some subject, which is nice, but it doesn't offer all subjets. For the most part, teachers who are not certified are required to enroll in at least 1 class a semester which works towards certification in order to keep their jobs. I'm sorry, but that's just useless. The good teachers who love their jobs will let the college course take the backseat, because that's what teachers do: make their students the priority. Yes, the university course has nice information, but it's just going to take too long and provide only enough information for one little bit of the school year's curriculum.

Anyways, not mad, I have more to say, but this is long enough for now. Peace y'all. ]]> Shannanigan https://www.online-literature.com/forums/entry.php?5221-Shannanigan-s-Search-for-More https://www.online-literature.com/forums/entry.php?5016-Shannanigan-s-Search-for-More Mon, 31 Mar 2008 16:15:40 GMT You know why "reality" TV shows have to still give the people on their shows "lines" and actions to say and do, even though it's supposed to all be "real" life?

Because "real" life isn't a plot.

When we read, watch, or hear a story, we expect a beginning, middle and end. An exposition, a rising action, a climax, some falling action, and some kind of conclusion...some closure.

Real life ain't like that.

Sure, we all have an exposition of birth and background. Most of us gain some rising action as we develop as kids, but not everyone is lucky enough to have a climax in their life. And who the hell wants falling action in their life and death as a conclusion? How depressing is that...to think that after the "climax" you only have one direction to go? Can't we live life full speed at a climax until we flatline?

Sure, there are some true stories that have all of these elements. The stories you tell your friends as you sit in restaurants or in coffee shops. The stories you share on a first date.

But, there's my main problem: relationships. Relationships are NOTHING like what you see in the movies. I know we all know that, but, UGH! Why do we keep fooling ourselves, watching these silly same-story romance plots, thinking we might get to have that one day?

A girl I know is falling for a guy friend of mine. He is, no exagerration, an AWESOME guy. He'll make a great husband and father one day. The girl seems a good match for him, too. The problem? She's got a boyfriend.

It'd be nice if the boyfriend were some idiot who was cheating on her and being mean to her all the time in the movies, wouldn't it? It'd be nice if my friend could come to the rescue and make her see how a real man treats a lady, wouldn't it?

Guess what? The boyfriend's a great guy. Perfectly nice guy. Let's his girl hang with my friend as much as she wants, because he's not the jealous type, and he wants her to have friends outside the relationship.

Where's this plot going? Nowhere. Sure, I can update y'all and tell you of all the turmoil going on in the girl's head, and in my friend's head. Maybe there will be a climax if the girl decides to leave her guy...but I doubt it will ever happen. Real life goes nowhere...we live it...and it's up to us to put climaxes in there...if we can manage it...

So, yeah, rant over :P ]]> Shannanigan https://www.online-literature.com/forums/entry.php?5016-Shannanigan-s-Search-for-More https://www.online-literature.com/forums/entry.php?4990-Shannanigan-s-Search-for-More Sat, 29 Mar 2008 14:14:24 GMT http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jenny-block/open-relationships-what-_b_93799.html http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jenny-...-_b_93799.html ]]> Shannanigan https://www.online-literature.com/forums/entry.php?4990-Shannanigan-s-Search-for-More https://www.online-literature.com/forums/entry.php?4923-Shannanigan-s-Search-for-More Sun, 23 Mar 2008 14:06:45 GMT I'm watching Final Destination 3. I know that's not really a film worthy of critical literary acclaim, but it is reminding me of the second time I watched Final Destination 2 (another unnoteworthy film).

I say the second time I watched Final Destination 2 for a reason. The first time I watched it, it was nerve-wrenching. It seemed every corner and crack was a danger to the characters. Outstanding suspense. I saw it with my boyfriend, as did three of my friends.

In the school days following that weekend, my girlfriends and I talked about the movie's effect on our nerves. We noted how much fun it would be to watch the movie a scond time, since we would know when there would just be "close calls" and when there would be actual carnage. We could laugh and jest and be merry, like a bunch of lunatic women in the back of the theatre.

Couldn't do it Friday night, because that was "boyfriend night." Luckily, watching a movie a second time for a "girl's night out" didn't bother the boys since they had already seen it with us. Saturday night rolled around, and the four of us girls found ourselves in the last row on the left side of a dark theatre. Four cute guys sat in the row in front of us, looking back at us occasionally and smiling. One winked.

We laughed.

The movie started. Death and carnage flashed before us and we shrieked with pleasure. The guys looked back, unsurety now tainted their smiles. As each character died, we accompanied the moments before with our own comments of suspense "Do it, don't do it!" The guys eventually stopped looking back. It was a night of freedom, a night where we got to shed the guise of "women" and be rowdy. A night we could cheer gore with as much excitement as our boys did.

It was fun. And it was the last time the 4 of us got together and laughed like that. Time draws people apart, you know, but that memory of that movie and those crazy-woman laughs which so worried the boys in front of us. Good times. ]]> Shannanigan https://www.online-literature.com/forums/entry.php?4923-Shannanigan-s-Search-for-More https://www.online-literature.com/forums/entry.php?4626-Shannanigan-s-Search-for-More Tue, 19 Feb 2008 18:05:40 GMT I truly understand why we have such a hard time finding and keeping good teachers. Holy hell is this job hard. I always loved the thought of... I truly understand why we have such a hard time finding and keeping good teachers.

Holy hell is this job hard.

I always loved the thought of teaching, ever since I was very, very young...and I'm talking elementary school. I remember telling my second grade teacher that I wanted to be a teacher. I knew from then, and it never changed.

I taught and tutored my four younger siblings and was a volunteer tutor through junior high and high school. I often coached friends in writing as the skill popped up in their jobs. I loved writing, that's why I decided to be an English major.

I knew teaching was hard. Coming up with creative ways to keep the kids interested, relating the content to their lives, writing lesson plans and fair tests, dealing with testy kids, parents, and even administrators.

But I had no idea it was THIS bad.

I had no idea that most teachers have to start from SCRATCH, with little resources, at the school I am student teaching at.

I had no idea that teachers were REQUIRED to to item analyses on their final exams, to have their lesson plans reviewed and critiqued at the beginning of every week, or that they were EXPECTED to spend their weekends planning. I had no idea the amount of documentation required for misbehavior, nor the expectations of regular teachers to tend to the needs of special needs students, including ESL students.

Public school teachers have it hard, man. Not that I'm complaining, I love a challenge...but not everyone does. I doubt that we have enough strong-willed, workaholic child-lovers out there patient enough to fill the amount of teacher positions we need filled in this country. Some kids are going to get the duds, the teachers who don't want to be there or who feel "stuck" there, and sadly those kids are usually the ones who need the most help...

God I can't wait to drop this whole "student" bit and become a full-time teacher. I feel like everything but teaching is just encroaching on the time I could be spending becoming a better teacher.

We need a TA system here though...BADLY. ]]> Shannanigan https://www.online-literature.com/forums/entry.php?4626-Shannanigan-s-Search-for-More https://www.online-literature.com/forums/entry.php?3717-Shannanigan-s-Search-for-More Wed, 21 Nov 2007 14:47:59 GMT I....I....I'm not sure anymore.

I've come to the realization that all great works I have studied have been written by people who held nothing back in their writing; people who let it ALL out, told the world how it really was when everyone else was scared to do so.

In my quest to be a great writer, I believe that I need to embrace that quality as well. I think that at a time, I was more than willing. In fact, I think that at a time, I HAD embraced that quality...but I think that time has passed. Now that I look ahead at student teaching, I think to myself, there are just some things that a teacher needs to hold back, some things that students just should not know about their teacher.

I've been thinking of writing under a pen name. How long would that last, and would that go against everything I've ever stood for: being proud to be who you are?

I am not ashamed of myself or anything I do, I'm just having a hard time imagining people hiring me as a teacher if I were publishing the kind of things I want to publish. You would think I would WANT to work somewhere with people who embrace/accept who I am, what I do, and what I write about...but...it just won't happen here, and for now, here is where I want to be...I guess...

maybe I don't...

maybe I need time to think... ]]> Shannanigan https://www.online-literature.com/forums/entry.php?3717-Shannanigan-s-Search-for-More https://www.online-literature.com/forums/entry.php?3290-Shannanigan-s-Search-for-More Mon, 01 Oct 2007 02:12:13 GMT I had started to worry a little about myself and my love for teaching at the beginning of the semester, because I began to notice how annoyed I was... I had started to worry a little about myself and my love for teaching at the beginning of the semester, because I began to notice how annoyed I was becoming with my job at the Writing Center. Perhaps it was the fact that our center kept getting handed off to new directors and nobody wanted to take charge. Perhaps it was the fact that a woman who was not in charge of our center kept trying to tell us what to do, not knowing that some of the things she was demanding were obvious wastes of energy to us. Perhaps it was that my paycheck was taking forEVER to come in. Or, perhaps, and this is the only one I feared...perhaps I was growing tired of helping students write essays.

*gasp!*

I didn't want that to be the case; I love writing, and I love helping students! Combining these things should be heaven to me. A future English teacher should be LOVING this job.

But, I wasn't. I was dreading it. I was sighing when students came to me, and finding excuses not to be in the center. Even students who were genuinely seeking help and very receptive felt like burdens. Why?

I recently took on another job on the weekends teaching SAT preparation courses to high school students in a Learning Center. I LOVE this job. The kids are determined to do well; to go away to big colleges. They're intelligent, they have personalities, and I get to see them repeatedly. What's better, I get to set my own curriculum...set my own pace and use my own methods to teach these kids to the best of my ability. I get to work with them, and I am their go-to girl. I am their resource. I am their teacher. I LOVE going to this job; I show up early, I stay late, I work on lesson plans in my free time during the week...I'm so EXCITED to be there!

And I think I see the difference. When I work at the center, I'm basically subject to each professor's parameters. A student comes in and says that their professor wants them to answer these 6 questions in a 2-page essay, and I have to bite my tongue and not say that it is nearly impossible...I need to work with the students and do what I can. Students come in with unclear instructions or simply not wanting to follow them because they feel it cramps "their style," and I, often not even knowing the professor, must fight to defend the professor's intentions and wants. Now, this may seem miniscule...it should be simple enough that I can tell students "look, you want to get a degree, you need to pass this class, and if you want to pass this class, you need to conform to the professor's wants," but often the students wind up briging arguments or questions to ME that they really need to bring to their professors...and when I tell them to, they don't want to. They're scared of their grade. So, basically, they are using me to vent because I'm not grading them.

And the difference is, with the SAT class, I try my best (and I think I succeed) in creating a relationship in which students can ask ME or argue with ME if they have an issue with something I demand of them. I am the planner of the assignments, and I usually catch my own mistakes, and if not, I trust that my students aren't scared to point them out. What's more, I see these students repeatedly, not just once for them to get help with some foreign assignment; I see these kids every weekend and their questions are almost always ones that I can answer, because they are on topics that I am teaching. They're not coming on once, with a paper on some topic I've never heard of, to get help and leave. They're coming in again and again to slowly learn and grow and DEVELOP their knowledge...not get their problems all solved in one shot.

Thankfully, I feel happy knowing that teaching will be more like this second job, and that probably means I will enjoy teaching a lot more than the Writing Center job. Still, I want to try to regain the love that I had for the Writing Center when I first started...that passion I had for helping people, no matter what the problem was. Hopefully, that hasn't "burned out." ]]> Shannanigan https://www.online-literature.com/forums/entry.php?3290-Shannanigan-s-Search-for-More