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Nostalgia

tired hungry pained REALLY frickin grumpy blog

Rating: 2 votes, 5.00 average.
11 Comments
by
skib
, 03-13-2010 at 01:25 PM (1996 Views)

title says it all. I'm not sure if I want to blow my stack here or just simmer in my selfish thoughts. I guess i'll figure it out here in a second.
I've got friends in town from Michigan. Ranch friends. I had a thing for the girl that's visiting (girl C) a while back and some of the feelings may have survived. So does the guy that's visiting from Michigan. Anyway, three ranch friends (Girl A, Girl B, and Girl C) minus the guy and I got together on Tuesday night. As the booze was consumed, things sparked between me and Girl A, an old coworker who was with us. Nobody's pregnant, but things got a little crazy when the lights went out. There was interest on both sides and the booze silenced the little voice in the back of our heads that said bad idea, guys. **** was pretty awkward the next morning. we've never had that kind of relationship before, and I don't think either of us planned on that happening that night. She got up the next morning and left with hardly a good bye.
Last night, the other michigander friend flew in from texas and we basically did it all over again. he rented a room at the hilton and we all got pretty toasted. not quite as snockered as tuesday, but it still got pretty out of control. i had a five hour energy at ten so I was wired. We had left our vehicles scattered around town, so sober people paired up with not sober people to collect them. I was running with girl A and rolled my ankle. now it's the size of my head. no biggy, i just can't work out for a few days.
we all collected back at the hotel and everyone started arguing about sleeping arrangements. I started out on the floor with a huge bag of ice on my ankle. Guy from michigan left the huge bed to talk with girl B (not michigander girl) out in the lobby. Girl A offers me his spot, telling me i need to get my ankle elevated, also giving me an opening to spoon. guy from michigan comes back, steals my foot elevation and lays down between me and Girl A, kind of killing my hopes to prove that I can in fact spoon without going way overboard. i lay there hating life a lot, he starts spooning her. i hate life even more. (however, it is pretty normal for ranch staff to all pile into one bed. it happens multiple times a week.)
I'd never considered Girl A as an option. we worked together two years ago, i loved her to death as a friend but tuesday night made something in my brain click. i'd thought long and hard all week and thought maybe it would work and not turn to **** like all the other relation****s.
i get up around three am and walk out, telling people I'm going to go walk around to help my ankle feel better. Girl B and Girl C (not michigander and michigander) meet me in the lobby, apparently to give guy michigander and Girl A some privacy, expecting a replay of tuesday (which they had experienced at the last hotel in a bed less than three feet away.) we sat around, me moping/pissed off. we went back some twenty minutes later to find guy michigander and Girl A sitting up with the lights on, wondering where everybody went.
we sit and talk for a bit. I managed to persuade guy michigander (who I'm pretty sure felt kind of bad about what he'd done) to get off the bed around three and go spoon with his almost obsessive love interest, Girl C (michigander girl.) i start spooning with Girl A, (my interest) and very quietly ask "do you want me out of here?" to which I get a head shake no and a hand to hold. spooning goes fine till around six. girl A starts moving around, seeming to have lost her previous interest in spooning. maybe she was just really asleep. i don't know. i felt rather unwanted and really creepy for snuggling closer because she had the comforter completely wrapped around her and someone turned the freaking thermostat down to fifty eight.
the next morning wasn't too bad. i guess Girl B didn't like the fact that she had nobody to spoon with because she went and got her own room. i was still cold and made futile attempts to spoon with Girl A again while we waited for the room to heat up, and absolutely no interest was shown. I know I'm not just imagining double messages here.
i don't know why I bother. tuesday night, girl A was all over me. She was pretty drunk, but I felt like I gave some pretty obvious signs of requited feeling last night before we got too gone. what do I get? a complete lack of interest. I hate women. they're confusing. they're wishy washy. i ****ing hate it. i get all wrapped up in something and it comes crashing down on me.
much as i ***** about missing having someone there, it isn't worth the feelings i get when **** like this happens. I gonna get me a cardboard box and be a ****ing hermit in the mountains.

PS- sorry about ruining the good mood of Daniel's post.

Updated 03-13-2010 at 11:06 PM by skib

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Comments

  1. qimissung's Avatar
    I'm sorry, Skib. Reading your blog sure made me think of my youth, and I do NOT miss all that confusion and those mixed messages and trying to figure out if they really do like you. Or not.

    The only thing I can say, and it's not a sure thing either, is that a more formal approach might work a teensy little bit better. You know, calling a girl up, going out on multiple dates. The thing is she might feel a little disgusted with herself, wondering if it's just the liquor

    And people can approach intimacy better when they can do so slowly. Her barriers came down, then they slammed back up once morning came. She needs a little space and room.

    CALL her later. Say, I know we went at this a little fast, but I would like to write you. Can I have your address? (She's living in Michigan, correct?) Then WRITE. Then call. To each thing in it's appointed order. Then she can feel like a lady. Then she can feel important. Capice?

    The thing is, Skib, you don't get to get out of this without exposing your feelings and feeling embarrassed, and perhaps even humiliated, over and over again. So get used to it.

    And get back up on that horse.
  2. Nightshade's Avatar
    Ok- I am going to be mean for one sec bare with me but I have to say it and hey you might even laugh- or not.
    When I first saw the blog title I didnt notice the author ( a terrible habit of mine) and Im thinking oh a being a girl stinks, periods stink I am crampy and cranky blog entry. Then I saw your name and I was like huh? But isn't skib male, which obviously you are. And FYI I object to being called stupid.

    Now I am the last last last person to give advice on this or related topics given that most 11 year olds probably have more experience in such matters than me.
    But there is one thing I can say, breathe dear nice slow breaths, there is no-one in the world worth tying yourself up into knots for. let it go for a few days then go back and evaluate. Both embarrassment and anger often lead to burning of bridges and thus regrets. And make sure you take good care of your ankle.
    Updated 03-13-2010 at 04:32 PM by Nightshade
  3. skib's Avatar
    qimi-yeah, I guess right now I can't be trusted with reasoning, much less good decisions. No, this girl lives in the same city as me. I see what you're saying though. I'll see if I have the heart to pursue this in a more gentlemanly manner. After I get a few good nights' sleep.

    Nightshade- indeed, there are some very childish/immature things in here. That's one of my bad habits that comes out when I'm cranky. A terrible side effect of multiple all-nighters. I'll try to remember to come back and fix that when I wake up later. I seriously need a nap.

    Thank you both for your advice!
  4. 1n50mn14's Avatar
    Oh, Skib. This blog confused ME, so I can't imagine how you feel, haha. Uhhm. I think a good natured 'good luck' will have to suffice for advice.
  5. Virgil's Avatar
    I don't know if I should feel sorry for you for going through all this, or sorry for me that I lead such a hum drum life that nothing like this happens.

    Let me understand this. I'm not sure I completely understood. You get to sleep with different girls every night and you're complaining? Boy times have changed since i was 20 years old.
  6. JuniperWoolf's Avatar
    much as i ***** about missing having someone there, it isn't worth the feelings i get when **** like this happens. I gonna get me a cardboard box and be a ****ing hermit in the mountains.
    Heeey, me too (although, I might forego the cardboard box; get yourself a nice cave or lean-to). I've already vowed to be alone for the next (at least) six years. Nothing wrong with being self-reliant and strong within yourself. Sounds like a pretty good plan to me. It definately beats all of the confusing, painful, cliche and ultimately time-wasting factors that go into co-dependance.
    Updated 03-13-2010 at 10:28 PM by JuniperWoolf
  7. skib's Avatar
    Becca- ain't much more that can be said. thanks!

    Virgil- If you feel sorry for anyone feel sorry for Girl B. Hers was undoubtedly the most uncomfortable position to be in.
    I'm not a manwhore! Same girl both nights, (I repeat, nothing serious) and this is the first time I've shared a bed with ANYONE in at least three years.

    Juniper- My thoughts exactly. It all sounds so great, right up until your feelings are on the line. Then you look back and think "what the hell is wrong with me?"
    I think you're right. Cardboard won't last with this wet of a spring. Find me a damn rock or something.

    Thanks for putting up with these constant whiney blogs guys- I don't really have anywhere else to vent. You're advice and pick-me-ups really do help.
  8. prendrelemick's Avatar
    Brought back memories of awful, fustrated and confused years of teenage angst, full of spots,unrequited lust and no confidence. God I miss them!
  9. Niamh's Avatar
    I think what you need to do is call her up, ask her can you both meet up for a chat, talk to her about what happened, how it was stupid and immature, but that it made you realise that you actually had feelings for her that were more than just friendship. That if she was interested, would she like to go out with you on a date and that from here on in you'd take it slow and get to know each other way better before doing anything stupid.
    You'd be surprised what kind of result you can get if you pluck up some courage and tell someone how you feel. sometimes you find out they feel the same way.
    before i sign off you gotta understand that that girl must have felt very weird the next morning.
    (oh and i had to double check what you meant as spooning because over here it means something in particular and i was like "wow!" but i'm hoping its the definition i found. Hoping)
  10. applepie's Avatar
    Niamh's advice is good. Why don't you try asking her out to do something that doesn't include alcohol? The only reason I suggest that is what you think are mixed signals might be her not wanting to push things if she figures it was a drinking induced situation. Drunken nights can make for all kinds of crazy thoughts, and nobody, Girl A included, is anything more than confused normally. Good luck to you :)
  11. skib's Avatar
    Gah! The more I read this one the more I feel like a thirteen year old. As of right now, I am working on taking yall's advice. I'm thinking on how to set up a lunch date or something akin to that.
    Thanks guys'n'gals!