Virgil

I've had a hard ten days. I need a little pick-me-up, and so here's some jokes I thought worth sharing.

THE UNDERTAKER'S BLACK EYE

Roy, an undertaker, recently came home with a black eye.

"What happened to you?" asked his wife.

"I had a terrible day." replied Roy . "I had to go to a hotel and pick up a man who had died in his sleep.
When I got there, the manager said they couldn't get him into a body bag because he had this huge erection.
Anyway, I went up and sure enough there was this big naked guy lying on the bed with this huge erection.
So I grabbed it with both hands and tried to snap it in half."
"I see" said his wife, "but how did you get the black eye?"


Roy replied: "Wrong room.."

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Ten Reasons
Men Prefer Guns Over Women



#10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

#9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.

#8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

#7. Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.

#6. Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

#5. A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space..

#4. Guns function normally every day of the month.

#3. A gun doesn't ask , "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

#2. A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

And the number one reason a gun is favored over a woman....

#1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN


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This is mythical and deep... Truly beautiful...


A man asked an American Indian what was his wife's name.
He replied, "She called Five Horses".


The man said, "That's an unusual name for your wife.

What does it mean?"
The Old Indian answered, "It old Indian Name. It mean . .. .




.. . . NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG,"



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Irish Daughter

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years.

Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily.
'Where have ye been all this time, child?
Why did ye not write to us, not even a line?
Why didn ' t ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru? '

The girl, crying, replied, 'Sniff, sniff...Dad...I became a prostitute...'

'Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner!
You' re a disgrace to this Catholic family!'

'OK, Dad... as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club...(takes a breath)... and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera.'

'Now what was it ye said ye had become? ' says Dad.

Girl, crying again, 'Sniff, sniff... a prostitute Daddy!
Sniff, sniff.'

'Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant.
Come here and give yer old Dad a hug.'

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I'm a blonde too!

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's
doing a show in a small Texas town. With his dummy on his knee
he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.

Suddenly, a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and
starts shouting; 'I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes.
What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as a person. It's because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women in general....and all in the name of humor!!!'

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the
blonde yells, 'You stay out of this! I'm talking to that little
sh*t on your knee!'