jhonerliz

I am sorry to hear that you have been through such turmoil, Jhonerliz.

I hope you can find a way to work our your feelings and your friendship but please don't forget that you know this person only through internet and you may not feel the same way if you met in person.

Also, despite your openness and honesty, he seems to have kept an important part of his life from you so doesn't seem to be returning your honesty. And he was honest only because he was "found out". Something to think about while considering how close your friendship actually is? Friendships should not be "tit-for-tat" but sometimes it is wise to take a moment to consider whether the person whom we call a friend is worthy of our affection and care.

More importantly, it is interesting that your husband is little mentioned in your entry. Does he know about your friendship and what is his take on this? Why do you think you are in need of another "relationship" while still married?

Again, I hope you sort things out smoothly and quickly. Please talk to us whenever you feel the need

I think Scher has given some excellent advice. In my own life here (and elsewhere) I strive to maintain an honesty between the people I relate with. There have been varied degrees to the depth of the friendship and affection (if not love--which is relative). For instance I tease a certain moderator as a running joke about a relationship but at heart it's a been a slow growing firendship--here a little there a little and the boundaries are respected. I also strive to treat EACH person as unique and special in THEIR own right--which they are. Within his limitations I suspect oyur friend does as well. But I suggest the boundaries be reestablished with a view of determining what YOU and HE think or wish you were about. Your openess is sweet but leaves you vulnerable. Respect and r4esponsibility MUST come first. I'm sure she won't mind so I will give you an example. When AndaveYa and I first became friends she was underage and this was a small concern of mine so I insisted she inform her parents we were conversing --since that time I have met both of them and they are wonderful people. As she is now legally an adult the friendship has grown (over the course of two years) and we share more and more things. But respect is always paramont. Sometimes in a marriage we get to wondering about what's over the other side of the mountain and that an be a very alluring trap which will bring sorrow and despair if indulged in too well. I am constantly reafffirming my relationship with my own wife (not always an easy thing as I am NOT an easy person to live with). Be at peace. Hope this helps.

It is up to us to make the right decisions and choose the action that will benefit us. You have both been dishonest to your partners and no relationship built on lies and deceit will prosper. Perhaps you need to look at your marriage and ask what is it that is lacking that has driven me to seek love from another man via the net? How can my husband and I enhance our marriage? Put a value on your marriage and then do what you have to do to ensure its success. This could mean severing ties with the internet guy. The reason why I say this is most people who smoke have all or nothing when it comes to quitting - they can't smoke sometimes without finding themselves deeply embroiled once again.

I am sorry you're in pain right now ((((hugs))))

I completely agree with Delta