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Silas Thorne's Journal

One day I got lost in a line of the Da Vinci Code...

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by
Silas Thorne
, 11-22-2009 at 11:55 PM (922 Views)
One day I got lost in a line of the Da Vinci Code
and found myself in an American high school class
where no one could answer the teacher's questions
about American history,
apart from the vampire.

The old man stared with bloodred gaze
at delectable young women
while they oohed and aahed at his young body,
dragged in by his eyes into rapture and death.

He could look pasty and stay out of the sun
moaning breathy at the beauty of Poe from the darkness,
admired by some
because he could play better than the whole team,
together,
though he never went to practises, and lived off raw talent.

Updated 11-14-2010 at 04:56 PM by Silas Thorne

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Poetry

Comments

  1. TheFifthElement's Avatar
    This is brilliant Silas, I love the way the reader is caught along with your train of thought. Just one word jarred with me: 'nubile' which seems lazy or obvious and a bit cliched. As a poet of considerable skill I think you could do better than that one word. That being said it is an excellent poem.
  2. Virgil's Avatar
    Definitely enjoyable. I think the last stanza sort of got carried away and fizzled. I kept looking for a focus or direction. Either i missed or it's not there.

    You must have changed the "nubile." Hey nubile ladies always get my attention.
  3. Silas Thorne's Avatar
    I'll try to improve the finish on further work. Thanks to you both for giving the poem your attention and for the treasure of your honesty.