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the ocean always dreamed blue dreams

The Interloper

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by
qimissung
, 01-29-2010 at 12:01 AM (2021 Views)
I'm not ready to reveal all, but I did write this for the Bouts-Rimes game, and I like it, I really like it.

The game is fun. It was started in the 1600's after a man, Dulot, complained that he had been robbed of a number of papers, in particular 300 sonnets. When questioned further, he said that he had not completed the sonnets. He had just written the end-rhymes for all of them. And thus the game was born.

The idea is to write a list of rhyming words and someone else takes up the challenge of writing a poem using them.

Would anyone like to take up the challenge? Or, as Joshua says, would you like to play a game?


The Interloper

the interloper came, thinking he could shoehorn
her into the ebony ivory and cedar corporeal
body that he deemed love, the tamarisk memorial
into which all must go who have been to humans born
o set! her black locks shorn, her gray gown rent, and the last leg
of the journey spent, she retrieved the log
that had, in mercy, ferried her across the night of tears and fog
bring him, o bring him back I beg I beg I beg
and as the waters of the river rise, she hovers, wings outspread, as Isis
eats the thirteenth piece, delays the crisis

Updated 01-29-2010 at 09:07 PM by qimissung

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  1. TheFifthElement's Avatar
    I love this poem Qimi, there's a real sense of fun about it, fun in the language and the challenge, perhaps? I'm trying to have a go at the Boutes Rimes but you're all too fast for me! I'm still working on something based on a set of words you posted last week! If I ever finish it (which is doubtful, oh unruly quail!) I'll post it in my blog. But boy, you've got to be quick!
  2. PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
    It's an amazing poem, even if one didn't know it had had to fit the end-rhymes that were provided, if I understood your introductory remarks correctly. Not that I intend trying this, but is there a link to the next set of words?
  3. Virgil's Avatar
    You know i've got this reaction toward the word "interloper." It's such an exclsionary word. But really it recalls a rather infamous incident here in NYC where a racial incident occurred in Harlem between some Korean immigrants and african americans. Al Sharpton (race baiter that he is, if you have heard of him) called the Korean immigrants interlopers for setting up shops in the black neighborhood. It was despicable and so the word has a real clang when I hear it.

    I do like the sound effects you create in this poem (credit to the game or you? I say you. ), but I did really trip over the phrase "the tamarisk memorial."
  4. qimissung's Avatar
    Fifth, thank you! I really had a lot of fun writing it. You know sometimes things work. I developed an idea and was able to put it together. I am pleased with the end result. I suppose I'll always feel a bit of a guilty pleasure over this one, but that is one reason I like lit-net-I have received a great deal of inspiration from the people, authors, subjects, and yes, the contests and games.

    I did notice that I want these poems to be fine. Or as fine as they can be. I don't seem to want to just toss off any old thing. Although the one befoe this is not significant, but I had fun with it too.

    I feel your pain, Fifth. I undertook to write one that had, among other words, periphrastic. I cordially dislike the poem I wrote with that one.

    And thank you, Prince . The word 'corporeal' and 'shoehorn' gave me pause, especially when used in context with the Egyptian goddess Isis. It was quite a challenge. Here's the link:

    http://www.online-literature.com/for...ad.php?t=45293

    I'm sorry you encoutered a word that has negative associations for you, Virgil. It can't be helped though. I chose it deliberately-it's a synonym of shoehorn, and when I saw it I had my theme. It reminds me of a short story by Saki which I particularly like. Fine story if you haven't read it.

    My thanks to all of you for stopping by to read.