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Progymnasmata

Faking it to be Real: A Real Story of False Fakery

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by
The Comedian
, 01-27-2010 at 04:29 PM (1354 Views)
I taught my first college-level English class when I was 22 years old. I was a new graduate student in an MA/Ph.D program and was given free tuition and meager stipend to teach two sections of freshman English.

Most of the students in the my classes were 18 or 19.

I was proud to teach these classes. But I was insecure as hell. I had big ideas of being an inspiration, but had real stage-fright and insecurity issues.

During the first week of class, I lectured almost exclusively. Being too afraid to look my students in the eyes, I mostly talked to the floor. I could feel the weight of their expectations, and I was certain that I could never meet them.

Week Two: I was sick of myself. . . .sick of being afraid. . . .and sick of being a lousy teacher. I knew I had to change. The floor was getting bored.

So I said to myself this: "Okay, so I'm a lousy teacher. Fine. Just fine. Now that I know that, I have to pretend to be a good teacher."

So I made a list qualities I liked in teachers:

  • they're funny
  • they're passionate
  • they're wise
  • they're confident
  • they're humble


Knowing that I possessed none of the these qualities, I did my best to imitate what I enjoyed in my favorite teachers of the past. I used their stories, I used their expressions; I used their mannerisms; I used their jokes.

I used this faking strategy for the next several semesters until I started to notice something odd: I wasn't faking anymore.

I was kind of funny, wise, humble, passionate, etc. . . . . What's more the stories were slowing turning into my own. Jokes too. Hell, maybe even the wisdom.

Conclusion: Sometimes, if I fake something long enough, it becomes real. It's the damnedest thing.

Updated 01-27-2010 at 06:14 PM by The Comedian

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Comments

  1. qimissung's Avatar
    Brilliant Comedian! You ARE wise, o master! (yes, I kid, but I seriously think I would enjoy takeing a class taught by you).Your blog makes me think of the following quote by Socrates:

    "The shortest and surest way to live with honour in the world, is to be in reality what we would appear to be."
  2. IJustMadeThatUp's Avatar
    He is rather wise qimissung

    I use the same technique any time I don't feel up to a task. If nobody knows, then are you really not confident?
  3. mtpspur's Avatar
    One trick I always use when speaking to a crowd--I look slightly above them at their foreheads--partially to avoid DIRECT eye contact but still give that illusion until I get into whatever I'm nattering on about and I'm relaxed. Wouldn't mind hearing you teach either.
  4. Virgil's Avatar
    That is really true, you grow into a persona. I have a business aquaitance/semi friend who grew up in Michigan and wanted to be a cowboy. He moved out to eastern Washington State (very different than western Washington) and bought a little ranch with some horses and went to cowboy bars and after a few years, gosh, you could say he is a cowboy. He grew into it. When I was first an engineer and I had to make presentations, I was terrified and god-aweful. I even took a class by a professional who taught and evaluated me. He didn't give me high marks. But then after a few tries and terrible results, and a few years of being conscious as to what exactly I was doing wrong, it fell into place. Now I don't think I give a great presentation (perhaps given my history on this I'm always evaluating myself and being critical) but people actually compliment me on my presentations and seek me out to give them. They specifically put me on the list of presenters because I guess they like how I do them. It took me probably a dozen years, but I grew into it.

    Now that was very young to be teaching college, so don't be so hard on yourself. It takes a little time.
  5. The Comedian's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by qimissung
    Brilliant Comedian! You ARE wise, o master!
    Now THAT's the kind of fakin' it that I'm talkin' about!
  6. stephofthenight's Avatar
    interesting, i believe in your last statement whole heartedly. If you fake something long enough, you will believe it.
  7. Buh4Bee's Avatar
    Comedian, This is a phrase I use all the time!! Just fake it. When I am nervous and I have to go into these huge team meetings- I tell myself smile and fake your way through it. It almost always works as long as you don't have to preform for more than 2 hours. After that, stamina can give way.

    It's called confidence. I have much more now that I have run a million meetings. It suddenly becomes true and you no longer have to fall apart.

    So are you really a PHD?
  8. The Comedian's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by jersea
    . So are you really a PHD?
    Hey jersea -- Nope. I was originally in a Ph.D program, but I quit after receiving my MA. I think I just did too much school too quickly, and graduate school started to eat my soul alive.

    After I got my MA, I got married, took a day job on a farm and a night job loading boxes on to semi-trucks.
  9. applepie's Avatar
    It's kind of funny how this always seems to hold true. I use a similar tactic to change my mood when I'm having a bad day.