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day in a life

why do I shut up

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by
Helga
, 01-23-2010 at 05:24 AM (2088 Views)
I never stand up for myself. I was thinking about this. every time somebody says something to me I just stay quiet and wait 'till it's over. at work when they say I'm doing something wrong just because I don't do it the same way they do even though the outcome is the same, I just close my mouth and smile so the smoke burning up inside me dosen't get out. when people give me milk in my coffee when I hate milk in my coffee I just pipe down and drink it. when I'm unhappy I just do my routine and stay quiet so nobody will find out. I don't know why I do this... maybe I'm scared of what will come out or if I start to cry. sometimes I wish I was alone in the universe.

my brother says it's the wiser one who steps back, but I get tired of it sometimes, but I don't know any other way. life is just to complicated for me. I wish I could go 2 years into the future and see if my plans of college work out. that would change things I think. when I'm meeting people with similar interests and learning what I want to.

I'm just ranting, I need to shut up now.
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Comments

  1. Itsonlytrung's Avatar
    What a sad thing to read.
  2. NickAdams's Avatar
    I do the same. Mostly in situations like the coffee. I stood up for myself a few times at work and was threatened with termination as a result. Sometimes it isn't worth it, I feel, to make a big thing out of something that's passing.
  3. Virgil's Avatar
    I guess with age one over comes that. I was probavly similar in my early twenties. You realize that if you don't speak up, people assume you're satisfied. Speak up. It doesn't have to be confrontational.
  4. applepie's Avatar
    I can certainly feel for you. I'm very non-confrontational, and as a result I bite my toung a lot. The flip side of that is I can often be a very angry person when things are not working out or I'm being pushed too far by others. I've learned to find a bit of a happy medium, I think, but it is still hard. Tears help I think as well. It is a good way to release all that pent up aggression:)
  5. Buh4Bee's Avatar
    I try to rehearse my reaction with a colleague before I respond. The coffee thing to me is a minor issue to me. I don't like being pushed around by the principal and have earned a reputation for being obnoxious. It is really hard to strike a balance. It is true that too much conflict can get you into trouble like getting chucked out of a job.
  6. qimissung's Avatar
    Yeah, you have to find your voice, Helga, but you also need to pick your battles. If they are small, let it go. If it's a larger issue, you probably need to speak out, after having given it some thought and practice. jersea's idea is an excellent one.

    I tend to be quiet and nonconfrontational. Like Meg I have licked my wounds in private, but I have paid a price for it. On the other hand I have a friend who is in the doghouse at work for being a little too outspoken.
  7. stephofthenight's Avatar
    Helga what you have is a gift. Some people do not have the ability to be quiet but the ability to hit someone, or mouth off for something small. The ability to controll your anger is great. I can understand its frustrating at times, but just work on little things, and come to terms with mistakes. the girl with the milk in your coffee, made a mistake, if you do not tell her she will not know, and keep doing it, therforth it continues to fester until one day you snap. as far as the work thing, i have no real work experience so no advice to give there. my thoughts would be just think about it a second if its something that if you dont correct will keep happening like the coffee, polietly pull them to the side and let them know. this is standing up for yourself, but not calling anyone out or anything. hope this helps -steph-