Living Breathing Contradiction...

Steph, this is terrible news and I assure you I have very deep feelings on the manner of suicide. In the best of worlds our parents are there for us, uplifting us, forever protecting us but in life people at the best are just people. They fail. They want to succeed I hope but sometimes thru a combination of factors the spirit and what makes a person want to go on just hits a wall every now and then. I have been aware of some of your troubles and I would NEVER have laughed at you. A life spent in faith can be a rewarding one (I am not quite sure of your beliefs in a God so I am attempting to be careful here to avoid sermonizing). If you can and are able try very very hard to let the past go and just let your mother know you are there for her but she must WANT to be there as well. My own mother attempted this when I was 12 and to be very frank I have never recovered from it. She never tried it again but it always seem to hang like a pall over my life. The worse feelings in the world is the thought that you are not loved by those you believe you have a claim on. I hope this does NOT become your fate. I have watched you heal and I have been well pleased by your return to Litnet and I wish you well. There are many negatives to suicide--oddly enough I believe the suicide rarely thinks about the suffering to others--strangely they believe things might be better by the loss of them. This is a devil's lie and needs to be crushed but when the dark times are upon a person so hard to see the light. Take care Steph. You are cared for by many here.

Oh No!! Steph I'm so sorry. This is really terrible news - I'm so sorry you were let down like that. Go see her, Steph, and if she can handle it GO CRY to her. Yes, you are the bigger person, but she needs to cry too and it will be easier if someone does it with her. And even if she is truly sorry, it still won't be easy later; just understand that parents are still human too.

And as Rich said, you are cared for by many on this site.

Steph, you are the bravest young person I know... You hold your chin up dear. As adaveya said, go and visit her. You need each other. We are all here for you dear.

Wow, I'm so sorry to hear about your Mother. It has got to be hard not to be angry with her, and I hope you can come to a resolution of your feelings about that soon.

Right now you will need to go to your mom and be there for her.

I hope someday very soon she can find away to accept life as it is, and be there for you too. NO ONE should ever be laughed at if they feel so depressed they want to take their life. I hope your mom finds a way to be more empathetic to you.

Went to see her, All three of us where ther, I have two sisters. And she started the poor wowith me ****. and I just falt out told her, look had you sucseeded your daughter would forever remember the day her selfish *** mother killed herself. and tayler would never get to know you. after that she got pissy. terry her boyfriend was there and his kids told her they wish she had sucseded . so i kinda want to go shove my foot so far up their *** they can taste prada. Then she gets mad cause I called her doctor and told him, and he wont give her any more perscriptions for valum, and we took and put her meds in a time release thing so she cant take more than one. WTF woman. you just tried to kill yourself and already said you wish he hadnt gotten there in time. really, you want me to feel sorry for you. I know I should feel bad about not being sympathetic. but if i hadnt been raised so respectful I would have slapped her. mum or not. insted I went for beating the hell out of a metal pole. I now have 4 broke nuckles, and a jammed finger. I am so sick to my stomach. I just want to cry, but I cant. UGH . thanks to everyone for understanding and for the kind words. It means a lot. I dont think I will ever get over this, I will always wonder, cause She was fine that afternnon laughing and everything, than I went home and got that call. I think I will always fear going home. That will always be the memory I have. Right now I hate her. I feel bad for saying it, but I do. honest to god. My heart feels like someone just ripped it out of my ****ing chest, stabbed it, poured acid on it and shoved it back in.

The sadness for me is that I actually understand how you feel. I have days where I wish I had truly spoken my mind and cleared the air where my mother was concerned and days when an attempt to practice some that Christian forgiveness gets a workout. To some degree you won't get over it. But I hasten to assure you you have the potential for it NOT to embitter you. I know the woe is me routine can get pretty old pretty fast but sometimes there is just a bit of true pain and emotional suffering that needs to be addressed. You took proper steps involving the medicine. The next few days are going to be difficult. DO NOT expect her to be grateful for any concerns shown her. That's just the defense mechanism and denials working overtime. But if I may let her KNOW you are upset, disappointed, hurt but by golly YOUR life means something and you'll go on and you hope she'll continue to be a part of it. Do not fall into emotional blackmail games. Sooner that line is drawn--sooner the game ends. You are in my prayers. With respect and affection Rich

Steph,

Try to be strong for both yourself and your mother. Obviously, she is going through very difficult times and even though she may not seem to appreciate it as she should at the moment, you know that she needs your support.

And please don't forget that all said and done, everyone is responsible from their own actions. Your mother might make poor choices but that will not be because of anything you said or done. We all choose how to react in any given situation and if she decides to act in a way that is less than desirable, it will be her own responsibility.

Take care and believe in yourself.

Scher

Oh boy, I wish I had read this before I posted my blog. I feel so bad for you. The only thing that I can say is that it'll feel less bad with time. It's amazing the things that people can learn to cope with.

You are not alone

thank you max. means a lot to have, you and everyone else to support me in times like this that i fall.

This is very sad, but your decision to be the strong one on this occasion is very, very positive.

I know I'm a new face to your blog, but I hope you stay strong.

thank you Nick, I will try my best