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A Mirror Floating in Water

Man oh man!

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by
DanielBenoit
, 12-03-2009 at 04:24 PM (617 Views)
Okay first off I am going to warn everybody that this is going to be an incomprehensible rant. Secondly, in case YOU happen to read this, this has nothing to do with THAT or you in any way whatsoever Okay here we go.

Do you ever feel so emotionally drained that you can't even find the right words or even the right, -- I don't even know, for what. God, I just feel as if a ****ing gernade exploded right next to my face.

It hurts so much to hear somebody whom you've comforted with empathy and compassion in times of great stress and trouble expecting nothing back but their own empathy and compassion, tell you that you bring nothing but misery and pain to everybody, tell you that you do nothing for anybody and are an utterly useless human being, tell you that the depression you suffer from isn't real.

God damn it! All I try to do is make evreybody happy and be friendly to everyone. I have very little confidence/admiration for myself, but I do have enough to say that I try my very best to be kind to everyone I meet. I can't help but feel despair for others, and when somebody's not happy, I'm not happy. I can't help but care too much about people and be too forgiving, even if they are utterly selfish egoists. Maybe I'm presenting myself as some kind of great altruist figure, but I will say this; that in this situation, after doing nothing but showing patience and empathy and caring and love and yes, sometimes fustration, sarcasm and anger, they are all thrown back in my face and stomped on in the most vile and cruel way.

Updated 12-03-2009 at 04:38 PM by DanielBenoit

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Comments

  1. Maryd.'s Avatar
    Darling this is called EMPATHY. I believe it is a desease and only a few people in the world have... I am one of them. I care to much about people, what they say? What they do or don't do? How they feel? I was asked by someone not long ago - Why do you care? Truth is I do. It is sad, but true. If what you state in your blog is really about you, then you have a severe case of empathy. If it isn't about you, then you are lucky. Because it is murder... Believe me... Murder.
  2. Buh4Bee's Avatar
    I've learned that the generosity of spirit is not often a mutual exchange. When you discover this about a person that you have been very supportive of, it can be extremely disappointing and hurtful. All you can do is remember your own boundaries and not let them take so much from you. Being empathetic has its benefits, but it also can be a double edges sword.
  3. Virgil's Avatar
    Daniel, don't be hard on yourself. I find you to be an outstanding young man, way beyond your age. When one does acts of human kindness, one shouldn't expect reciprication. But I understand your frustration. At a minimum they shouldn't be rejecting and turning upside down your compassion. Unfortunately life is not just. At least not this one.
    Updated 12-03-2009 at 10:37 PM by Virgil
  4. Buh4Bee's Avatar
    I second Virgil!
  5. The Comedian's Avatar
    Daniel -- you're on the right track, man.

    Okay, so this is your Uncle Comedian talkin' -- First thing you need to do is go have a cigar. Find a quiet spot, and send that fine smoke up to the great star-y heavens. It feels good.

    Now, giving, empathy, forgiveness are all good, but getting it thrown back at you sucks. Hopefully, you won't let the nonsense of other people make you limit your own capacity for honest compassion. Just take a puff on that cigar, blow the smoke into the air, and know that you've done right. Hell with the rest.
  6. DanielBenoit's Avatar
    Thank you everybody! I'm feeling much better already. I know that I can always count on you guys
  7. Buh4Bee's Avatar
    Is a cigar the answer? I thought it was a little vodka?

    Daniel keep on keeping on, man. And don't drink vodka, I think a cigar is better. Haha!
  8. skib's Avatar
    Basically, go read what everybody just wrote and add to a cigar a bottle of fine whiskey, and that is what I have to add.
    Listen to the 'old folks!' (I'm not one.) They know what the heck they're saying!