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A Mirror Floating in Water

It's better to be safe

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15 Comments
by
DanielBenoit
, 12-03-2009 at 01:17 AM (925 Views)
You know, it's a good thing to know about the human body. It's a good thing indeed, to know what's going on inside of that giant organism. It's not just all blood and bones. It also happens to be filled with cells, bacteria, viruses and baby-eating monsters which are going to rip your body apart from the inside out before you turn 60!

The heart: the muscular organ found in all vertebrates that is responsible for pumbing blood throughout the blood vestals by repeated rhythmic contractions. Vulenarble and most likely to contract conarary heart disease, cardiomyopathy, cardiovascular disease, ischaemic heart disease, heart FAILURE, HYPERTENSIVE HEART DISEASE! Aghghghghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

Did you know that if you get rabies, you're case is likely to be 100% fatal and you are most likely to die a slow and painful death? Did you know that over 55,000 people die from rabies worldwide every year? Did you know that you are very likely to contract it? Did you know that practically any dog, bat, monkey, racoon, fox, skunk cattle, wolf, coyote or yellow monogose has rabies? And all dogs, bats, monkeys, racoons, foxs, skunks, cattle, wolves, coyotes and yellow monogoses bite. Did you know that the symptoms slowly creeps into your body within two to twelve weeks? At first it seems like a flu, "okay that's normal", you think, "I'll just stay at home". But that's just the begining of it. Soon the symptoms expand into slight or partial paralysis, then anxiety, then insomia, then confusion, then agitation, then abnormal behavoir, then paranoia, then terror, then hallucinations, until you make your way into a slow progression into delerium. Rabies spares no one. We have only one survivor spared from this merciless killer, he is now brain damaged from the trauma. Don't let this be you!!!!!

You know, the common cold actually isn't the harmless little fluffy bunny it is made out to be. Most of the population are deluded by the idea that it is not fatal and the symptoms usually go away within seven days, that we do not really need a preventive vaccine when there are diseases around like cancer and heart disease. God help us. Ladies and gentlemen, not only is a vaccine for the common cold most urgently needed, it is the darkest, most dangerous, deadliest shadow lurking upon all of our precious small towns in America! In a recent scientific study, it was found in a hidden confidential file, that there have been two cases of the common cold in the United States in recent years, which resulted in DEATH. Not only that, but in Egypt, this epidemic has claimed the lives of over 291 induviduals in the past ten years! This could happen to you! Don't go around thinking, "heh, well if there's only been two cases then what's the worry?" Thinking like that can only result in one thing: DEATH BY THE UNFORGIVING HANDS OF THE COMMON COLD!

Now there is no need to panic ladies and gentlemen. The world is swarming with diseases and viruses. In fact, by merely touching a doorknob you are likely to contract a deadly virus. For your safety, I only ask you to follow a few simple rules: Rule #1: DON'T GO OUT IN PUBLIC! Even mere indiect contact with another human being could result in contraction of a virus which will result in a slow and painful death. Rule #2: Do NOT make intimate contact with another huuman being! Rule #3: Do NOT touch another human being! Rule #4: Do NOT look at another human being!

Maybe it's best to stay home.
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Comments

  1. Dark Muse's Avatar
    I have to say though I am the least person in the world to be given to being paranoid, and I don't spend much time worrying about disease, becasue what will happen, will happen.

    But for reasons of my own, I completely agree with your last statements.

    It is always good to stay away from other human beings. And in fact I do despise being touched by other people.

    Hmm perhaps that is why it is so very rare for me to get sick.
  2. TheFifthElement's Avatar
    Luckily for me rabies has been eradicated in UK.

    291 cases of death by cold isn't much to worry about. It's probable that more people have been killed putting on their pants.
  3. DanielBenoit's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by TheFifthElement
    291 cases of death by cold isn't much to worry about. It's probable that more people have been killed putting on their pants.
    Maybe I should've pointed out that this is meant to be satirical. . . ..

    Everything here is purposely overblown and exagerrated
    Updated 12-03-2009 at 04:40 PM by DanielBenoit
  4. Dark Muse's Avatar
    I thought it was intended to be so.
  5. TheFifthElement's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by DanielBenoit
    Maybe I should've pointed out that this is meant to be satirical. . . ..
    Maybe I should say ditto

    ...except for the rabies comment, that much is true.
  6. 1n50mn14's Avatar
    !
  7. *Classic*Charm*'s Avatar
    Satire? Is that you?
  8. Buh4Bee's Avatar
    I hate satire, but coming from you, it's funny. You sound like a hysterical old man.
  9. Virgil's Avatar
    Fascinating read from wikipedia on rabies: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prevalence_of_rabies.

    I had no idea that certain places in the world eradicated rabies, mostly Europe. I would imagine that has to do with a limited wildlife. Bats in the US are highly contageous with rabies. In some cases you don't even have to be bit to get rabies from bats. Just breathing their breath can tranfer the rabies virus.
  10. DanielBenoit's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by jersea
    I hate satire, but coming from you, it's funny. You sound like a hysterical old man.
    This is probably my most favorite comment ever

    Made me think of what Woody Allen said at the begining of Annie Hall "Unless I'm one of those guys with saliva dribbling out of his mouth who wanders into a cafeteria with a shopping bag screaming about socialism."

    Not really any connection except the imagery it brought out.

    Admittingly, I did aim for something of a sensationalist approach, similar to the "March of Time" broadcasts from the 40s'.
    Updated 12-04-2009 at 01:29 AM by DanielBenoit
  11. Dark Muse's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Virgil
    Fascinating read from wikipedia on rabies: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prevalence_of_rabies.

    I had no idea that certain places in the world eradicated rabies, mostly Europe. I would imagine that has to do with a limited wildlife. Bats in the US are highly contageous with rabies. In some cases you don't even have to be bit to get rabies from bats. Just breathing their breath can tranfer the rabies virus.
    Actually most of the information about bats and rabies is largely myth and misconstrued stemming from the general fear and dislike a lot of people have for bats.

    While bats can contract rabies the truth is that less than 1% of bats have rabies, and since 1960 there have only been 40 cases of humans contracting rabies from bats. Outbreaks of rabies in bats is very rare because they in fact do not become aggressive from it as many other animals do, and die quickly from the disease.

    As far as catching rabies through breathing it in, that is very very unlikely to happen, and would only happen under the circumstances of being exposed to a vast amount of rabid bats within a bat cave where the space is confined and there is not much fresh open air and it would take more than just one or two bats to do it.
  12. TheFifthElement's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Virgil
    I would imagine that has to do with a limited wildlife.
    we've got plenty of wildlife Virgil, it just isn't rabid. Significant effort has gone into wiping out rabies, certainly in UK. You can't just bring animals into the country.
  13. Virgil's Avatar
    Well, Fifth, I didn't imagine bears and wolves and lions still being in most European countries. I do believe they were consciously wiped out from the continent. I don't really think of Europe as having a lot of forest area, though i could be wrong.
  14. TheFifthElement's Avatar
    I saw bears when I was in Romania, there are wolves in Scandinavia and Eastern European countries like Bulgaria. Lions? I doubt they were ever native to Europe anyway, or at least not in recent history, and I don't believe they're generally responsible for the spread of rabies anyway so perhaps not relevant. If you're lucky you might see polar bears in Norway, and there are whales, dolphins, seals, lynxes, jackels and curiously large and slightly mythical cats on Bodmin Moor

    roughly one quarter of Europe is forest, I believe.

    Are bears and lions and wolves in 'most parts' of USA?
    Updated 12-04-2009 at 03:05 PM by TheFifthElement
  15. Virgil's Avatar
    I know there are still wolves and bears in remote areas, but you know they used to be in all parts of Europe. The She-wolf was the central animal of the romans. And yes, lions were native to Europe at one time: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/European_Lion.

    It really would be unfair to compare the percentage of wild land in the US with Europe, especially western europe. Alaska alone probably has more wilderness than all of europe. I would think more than one quarter of europe is forest, when you consider eastern europe. My experience traversing in Italy and England was that for the most part between cities was farmland. I was searching for some estimate of wild land in the US and couldn't find it, but if I were to guess for the 48 contiguous states, I would say that at least half if not two thirds might be uncultivated land. There is a lot of forest and desert that just stretches forever. Perhaps two thirds is a bit high.

    Yes there are lots of bears, not in the cities, but elsewhere. New Jersey, right here outside of NYC, has a black bear problem where they have to hunt them off every few years. Coyotes are everywhere and even enter NYC. Mountain lions and wolves were hunted down and disgracefully nealy wiped out, but since a consciousness about wildlife has occurred in the last fifty plus years, they are beginning to be problems in the western areas again. I would love to have wolves introduced to New York State (not the city) where there is vast wilderness up there, and there has been talk of it, but there there is always something that prevents the legislatiors from doing it. If you read that link I had above, a good deal of our rabies problem come from raccoons and bats. And both are quite abundant. My sister actually found a bat living in her basement and she lived in a moderately sized town in Masseschusetts at the time. I see raccoons (mostly dead from being hit by cars) in western New Jersey frequently.
    Updated 12-04-2009 at 04:22 PM by Virgil