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Well the last blog entry garnered little notice until AFTER I sent it to a premature burial but the subject will be returned to later when I can collect my thoughts on it and do the Devil Child proper justice (or at least a more reasoned critique).

In the meantime it's time to turn a spotlight on the Long Suffering Spouse. This will illustrate fairly well a typical meeting of the minds between us (when I am in a mood to be shall we say playful and not brutally frank.)

It started with her friend Amy from Indiana. Most of our arguments seem to grow out of that peculiar lop sided relationship. Would MUCH rather be whining over marriage benefits or the acculmulation of monthly colored periodicals for my private perusal and collecting.

Ruth was talking to her online about how her search for a job in the medical field was progressing. She is currently awaiting word on a position at a hospital in Xenia Ohio. It would be nice and I think she would do well but what do I know about the fine art of bedpan management.

Her oh so helpful friend makes a remark about how she is TOO focused and obsessed with finding a job and should take a break.

The Easily Influenced Friend gives this serious consideration.

And too much credit.

No one ever said job hunting was easy. Taking time off is the first tragic step to abandoning the dream. I determine to add my two cents in.

But I am handicapped. One she knows I'm an idiot. Two she also knows I actually know a thing or two. Three she hates it when I'm right. Four she actually does appreciate me. Five she thinks all I care about is marriage benefits. I am usually quick to assure her The Avengers and Jonah Hex and The Shadow often supersede the more interesting aspects of human relationships in my advancing years and refusal to give viagra any credit. No steroids for this slug a bed.

Rather then continue to tell her how insane her 'friend' is and trust me she is interesting enough in her own right to spend a blog on but that won't happen. I can blog about the Devil Child with impunity but I have to handle Miss Spirtuality with kid gloves. I adopt the approach of exaggeration using a simple metaphor.

Cabbage.

I tell Ruth she puts too much thought to anything Amy says about anything and to give her an idea how her thought processes goes it would sound something like this:

AMY: Ruth I think you eat too much cabbage.

This would be in the middle of a lecture to Ruth about HER hard life and Ruth's lack of appreciation of the trials and tribulations of a spiritual warrior--ye-ha--knock those Jericho walls down NOW.

It would be a throw away line.

Ruth would eventually log off the computer.

Two days would go by before I finally decide to ask what the somber and reflective and somewhat nervous feeder of the pets is worrying about this time.

My eyes are glazed as nice as a donut in the next five mintes as a barrage of questions would come my way.

Amy thinks I eat too much cabbage.

Do YOU think I eat too much cabbage?

I just had some cabbage a week ago.

No I think it was too weeks ago.

Nope, last week, Sunday.

Was just a plate. Was that too much?

That's right, you don't eat cabbage much do you?

I like cabbage.

There's nothing wrong with cabbage.

Is there?

It's not that I don't eat it all the time. I also eat salads.

Why would she think I eat too much cabbage?

Cabbage is good for you, right?

Why do you think she told me that?

Does she think I'm wrong to like cabbage?

I'm sure she likes cabbage. If it's ok for her, why not me?

Do you think God approves of cabbage? I wish she had mentioned a Bible verse.

And don't tell me about the Bible and cucumbers--you think you're so clever with that joke. (NOTE: EVERY reference to cucumbers in the King James Bible is negative. Proof you can prove ANYTHING from the Bible is you treat the verse like it's a Slinky toy.)

By this time Ruth is giggling at my rendition of overthinking a perfectly innocent subject like cabbage or job hunting.

This lets me off a hook.

For three days.

On the fourth day I tell her Amy is an idiot.

I feel MUCH better.

Now see why Ruth is the Long Suffering Spouse?