View RSS Feed

Imported Poems

Mean People Suck

Rate this Entry
5 Comments
by
Countess
, 06-12-2007 at 12:47 PM (1120 Views)
I hate talking about mundanities (is that a word?) but here's a short one:

Last week I started to ask the supervisor's assistant (when sup isn't around) a question, and he abruptly says "Shut up. Don't talk to me now". The guy I was working with and I looked at each other with the "What's his problem" face, and I burned about it for an hour afterward. Then I decided he must have been having a bad day and forgave him.

Yesterday afternoon I walk into work and hear him telling the guys that he told Grocery Receiving he couldn't do their job for them.
I say "Hey! You got some backbone!"
and he says "Why you always got to be sarcastic?"
and I say "I wasn't being sarcastic. I meant it. Some people don't have backbone."
He answers "For some reason reason every time you talk it makes me angry."
The guys laugh.
I say "Fine. I won't talk."
And he says, "That's good."

So I took a vow of silence, and will remain as silent as possible, only speaking when necessary.

For the first hour afterward I thought about punching holes in his tires. For the second hour I considered telling him "I can see why your girlfriend cheated all over you and left you for another guy". The third hour I spent contemplating the beauty of a Buddhist temple, where a vow of silence would be appreciated, where I could spend all my time in books and not with people, where I can do charitible acts for other people in my newly found quietness of spirit.

That, or I'll live in a cave by myself. There are some nice caves off of ocean fronts. I need to find one high and deep enough that hurricanes etc won't wet my place, and one with a path that I can carry furniture down into, and out of. I might buy a generator or use candles and it would be nice to find one with a freshwater stream nearby.

I have said for a long time I wasn't "made to live in this world". People always discredit that statement, as if somehow if I got enough pharmaceutical dope in me or went through enough counseling, etc that I would emerge "able to live in this world", but honestly, there are people who really aren't "made to live in this world". They're broken - permanently. They either kill themselves or they chose the streets/homelessness because the brutality of nature (and her apparent indifference) is infinitely more sufferable than the brutality of people (because they are quite personal). Knowing that it's raining on everyone's head is acceptable while knowing someone has chosen you to be the target (my weak, sensitive nature makes me a natural and easy target) is intolerable.

I'm tired of being the target. I'm tired of trying and failing at everything, from getting a new job to publication to work. I'm just tired.
Categories

Comments

  1. mtpspur's Avatar
    I've never done the meds myself having learned at least something from my mother about chasing the demons away. Counseling is effective only if you have respect/rapport/trust for the counselor. Your sup asistant could use a lesson in employee relationships but dogs must growl it appears. I wish you could get some decoent rest and be able to cut yourself a break. I wish it were otherwise but you can't make someone love/like/respect you because it's the right thing to do. So much easier to tear down then build up. Again I submit a perusal of the Psalms to calm the spirit. Still not going anywhere--haven't driven me away at least and I have no desire to leave your company (and some of the others here on the net as well.) Affection and respect---Rich
  2. andave_ya's Avatar
    I have said for a long time I wasn't "made to live in this world"
    When I read this I thought of a verse in the Bible that says that we are to be in the world but not of it -- meaning that you may be in this world but you don't have to follow its every whim. The only One your personal self is under submission to is Christ, and if there's anyone who can understand humankind, it's Him. When I remember that, insensitive and downright rude comments bounce off me because if I am with God, I don't need anyone else. Want someone else is another matter, but it isn't necessary. Someone said that God and man make a majority, and he's right.
    Forgive me for preaching. It's just that I've been hurt by friends before, so I've learned to depend on the one Friend who sticks closer than a brother.
    Praying for you.
  3. 's Avatar
    you don't have pharmeceutical dope in you---Henry D. Thoreau also reached that point of realization. he said, "I live in the world but I'm not of the world." he also said that "most men lead lives of quiet desperation." and it's probably that quiet desperation in your co-workers that adds to their vulgarity. asses will be asses. ""For some reason reason every time you talk it makes me angry." The guys laugh." if this should happen again, i recommend the following: 1) Inhale deeply and think about what Buddha would do in the same situation. it never fails.
    2) Envision your cave with sliding door! 3) Confront each of your foes separately. just be honest; tell them how you feel when they behave the way they do. if that doesn't work and it's still bugging the heck out of you, see the next person in command, and again, just be honest with him/her.

    people hit the streets because this condition we call "modern life" is not a one-size-fits-all. people will resist because they're meant to be truly free despite the repercussions for doing so. don't fret: someday i'm going to start a commune for the artists of the world as an alternative to this nine-to-five madness. well, it's a nice thought anyway.
    keep us posted.
  4. Niamh's Avatar
    Have you and the others ever thought about grouping together and going to the Supervisor and put in a formal complaint about the Sup assissant? sometimes its better to face the problem head on than to run away.Someone like that can make life harder for someone who doesnt like it.
  5. Countess's Avatar
    RICH, no, I can't change other people - but I respect others and don't bully them; why can't people do the same for me? What is it about me that attracts the sadistic types?.....ANDAVE, I agree. Unfortunately, family, counselors, pastors, Sunday School teachers, etc say I isolate too much and that its unhealthy. Of course, that hasn't made me go out and make friends - this incident is a perfect example as to why..........JON1IT, thanks for the practical tips. I'll take them, with the caveat that I'm a conflict avoider when it comes to myself (though I readily stick up for others). Inside I say "I'm an irritating piece of fecal matter. No wonder he doesn't want to hear me. I don't want to hear myself. Nobody does. I'll just shut up and not upset anyone."...........NIAMH, the problem with that is he only hates me. That, coupled with the fact that everyone else is a coward (I've seen them turn craven in a management meeting to address grievances with the supervisor. Suddenly everyone forgot what happened, what was said, who said it. An abrupt onslaught of mass amnesia.) The only guy with guts (saw this in the supervisor meeting) kisses the Supervisor Assistant's butt, and I seriously doubt he'd risk his friendship to stick up for me (though I was the only one who backed him up in the supervisor meeting. The difference is he gave an emotional diatribe and I listed and verified facts, then came up with solutions. The fact that he was emotional indicates he bases his choices on what he feels, not just the truth, and as such I can't depend on him to give the truth, even if he was privy to it, if his emotions counter it.)
    THANKS, EVERYONE, FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND SUGGESTIONS....