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Progymnasmata

They Won't Tell, so We Won't Play

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by
The Comedian
, 10-20-2009 at 11:50 AM (1521 Views)
What should I do?

We have these friends whom we've known for about five years; our daughters were born at about the same time (five years ago) and are really close. They're good people, but they have this one peccadillo that's really hard for us to handle. It makes the relationship feel thin. And it will make my wife explode if it persists. What am I talkin' about?

Secrets.

Not just any secrets, ridiculous secrets about a particular subject: where they recreate outdoors.

Case in point: This weekend we're going apple pickin' with the families with a follow up session of apple pie making (8 pies total). I ask Michelle, our friend, "What'd you do yesterday [Saturday]"?

"I don't remember", she lies.

"We went hunting!" her daughter exclaims (grouse hunting season just started).

Michelle: "Oh, yeah, we went hunting"

My wife: "Where'd you go"? ***This is the secret du jour. My wife asks this knowing that Michelle will squirm***

Michelle: "On a trail". . .

Me: "A trail in Illinois? [a state over 400 miles away]" I ask, being a wise-***.

My wife: "A trail where"?

Michelle: "In the woods". . .. [we live in the woods; everywhere here is "woods"]

And so the conversation fades under the growing tension established.

But this situation above is just an isolated incident in a long line of similar problems.

Say they went fishing, if we ask "where did you go fishin'?", Michelle will say, "a lake" [there are 1000s of them here].

This fall when we invited them over to our place to pick berries (blackberries and raspberries are plentiful in a clearing by our house), we asked Michelle, "is this your first time berry pickin' this fall"?

"No," she says.

Me: "Where did you go"?

Michelle: "Oh, just some place my husband knows".

Me (getting frustrated), "Did you have to drive a long way to get there or a short way"?

Michelle: "My husband knows where it is better than me" she lies.

Okay -- sorry for the length of this. But really, in all other matters, these people are open, honest, and fun. But regarding their "secret" spots for berry picking, fishing, hunting, hiking, camping, canoeing, & co. Heavens no!

So, here's the upshot: If I let this silly secrecy go unaddressed, my wife will explode in a flurry of frustrated accusations at them. *tick, tick, tick* But if I address it, it will seem like we really, really, really, really, really, want to know their private haunts in our fair woods. . . . . which is not really true. It's that the secret seems so trivial, so pointless that it prevents me from really feeling like they are "friends".

Updated 10-20-2009 at 11:54 AM by The Comedian

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Comments

  1. qimissung's Avatar
    I would have to agree with you on that one. Personally, if it were me, I would personally be happy to give that information to a friend. I might draw the line at an acquaintance.

    I would certainly think they did not consider me a good friend.

    There are things that I keep private that might seem ridiculous to others, but this smacks unattractively of elitism.

    I will be curious to know how you handle this delicate situation. Good luck!
  2. Buh4Bee's Avatar
    We have friends like the ones you describe. It also drive me crazy. It makes you feel like you are not good enough, to be in their secret club. A completely juvenile feeling, yet still hard to control. The way I have learned to tolerate these people is to know that certain topics are off the table. It's fun to taunt occasionally, but my husband usually tells me to cut it out.

    It is kind of you that you are trying to help out your wife. I have sympathy for her reaction. Maybe these people just aren't worth it. It can be amazing how small things can ruin a good time.
  3. Virgil's Avatar
    Sounds pretty funny actually. Perhaps they are doing something illegal in those woods. If this is their only quirk, I could live with it. I would always be suspicious, but hey there are worst things that friends can do.
  4. 1n50mn14's Avatar
    That's just a silly sort of secret... friends should share places. I can understand wanting to have private places, but that's the point of friends- they share your special places and secrets.
  5. mtpspur's Avatar
    Having failed miserably to maintain ANY couple as friends I read this entry a little differently. I was putting it all off to bad conversationalists or mundane topic desrving of bare basic info until I read the comments and READ it again. Me I would take the direct approach. As in is this secret or can you share? On the other hand probably why I suck at relationships with couples. So I really don't have a handle on this one at all.
  6. applepie's Avatar
    What silliness. The only reason I can find for guarding a hunting or fishing spot that zealously is if they are poaching off private land. Otherwise, it is really just ridiculous to guard a place.

    I suppose that you can assure them that you are not going to go and over fish/hunt their favorite haunts. Sorry, but I really just don't get the mentality of your friends... It is likely something that would do better addressed, even if you just ask them why they're so hesitant to reveal any information. Wouldn't do to have your wife explode in frustration:)
  7. stephofthenight's Avatar
    Hmmm. All I can think of is that there is something illegal out there going on. I mean you have taken them with you to your spots. And If they get nervous about it perhaps a friend told them about it and asked them not to tell anyone? But I dont see how this would set for everything...Maybe him and her do something else while the kids pick berries or fish, and takin you with them they would have to stick around and actualy fish? idk