Sipping the Tea

This is a long bit of writing about something I don't usually talk about, unless approached. I feel however, since this is my blog, I need to let a little bit out.



I was approached at work the other day by one of the other waitresses - a hilarious girl I'd love to converse with any day while rolling my silverware.

She was joking around with me while I punched in an order. "You must be a good Christian girl. Always doin' your stuff, bein' nice to customers."

And I said, "oh, thank you!" And laughed a little. One of my closer friends there suddenly laughed, seeing my expression. (Two weeks ago she'd asked what church I went to. I'd simply replied, "Oh, I don't."

"Why not? No time?"

"Ah, no, I'm not Christian."

"Oh, what do you practice?"

"I'm an atheist, actually."

She was a little quiet for a moment, and then in a rush of breath said, "Oh, that's fine, girl, I mean, I know it doesn't mean you're a bad person."

And I just gave her a hug and kissed her hair.)

"What's so funny? You're not a good girl?"

"Oh, it's not that - she's not a Christian."

"... Haleigh, is this true?" Her expression turned grim. "Girl, we need to talk."

"Oh, honey, I'm fine. I'm not depressed - I'm a happy person, and I truly respect your beliefs. But I've been an atheist for a long time."

She won't stop approaching me on the matter now. "Girl, I am praying for you." I thank her and nod, but that's all I can really say. I don't want to put her down on the matter, but I just don't want her to worry.


My evolution of thought began at a very young age. I was Quaker up until about 5th grade when I started to practice Wicca - that only lasted a year. In seventh grade, I told my best friend that I no longer believed in a god. I wasn't afraid. I actually felt... settled. She told me that she still loved me and would pray for me.

The next day when I went to sit by her at lunch, as usual, she turned to me and said, "I don't talk to people who don't believe in god."

And we did not speak again, for a very long time (that is, until we both discovered Facebook).

High school helped me to come out of my shell a little bit. My friends were all amazingly open-minded, some sharing similar views, some being deeply rooted in their own religion. I think they all knew that love was the order of the day. In an AP group trip to Barnes and Noble to study Dante's Inferno, a well-balanced debate sprung up about belief and nonbelief (so much for studying, right? - It's ok, most of us aced the exam). Amazingly, we all ended up laughing and joking over our lattes rather than destroying friendships.

This was probably why when I got to college and had to take a course called GNED that I was so startled by the lack of freethinkers at my university. The course was apparently designed to help us look into our inner-selves and express our personal thoughts and opinions in a diverse environment peacefully. Considering the broad topics that swept us through politics, civil rights, philosophy, religion, and atheism - something was bound to come up.

The first thing to 'come up' was my teacher calling me out in class and offering a book to me. It was a guide to finding my way back into God's light - or something along those lines. I was more than a little embarrassed, but having immense respect for the professor, only accepted it with a smile and a thank you.

When we forged into the religious readings and discussions, things got a little heated. There were a small group of people who believed in theistic evolution and a huge debate-turned-argument exploded between them and a group of Baptist girls. I picked up my pen and started drawing when it got this point:

"SO I'M SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE THAT ALL OF THIS WAS CREATED IN SEVEN DAYS?"

"WELL YOU THINK WE EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS."

I had to remind myself that I was at a university and not back in biology class in high school. It may seem like I'm attacking Christians here - I'm absolutely not. I have way too many Christian friends and have way too much respect for them. Some atheists hop into those arguments as if there were 1000000 dollars at the end of it (little realizing that these arguments rarely end) - I do not. Nor do I sit in corners with other atheists and bash Christians. I helped to found WOOF (Organization of Freethinkers) at my college in to help promote tolerance between the religious and the non-religious, not to start fights.

It wasn't until a later class when a girl sharply stated that all non-Christians were going to hell that I put down my pen and stated my POV.


I stated first, that I was an atheist, but I was going to stand for all non-Christians.

Psalms 14:1:

1 The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.

In ancient Greek philosophy there stood then the Golden Rule. You know how it goes: Do unto others....

It has taken different shapes in various philosophies and was even spoken by Jesus in the book of Luke - but it was there before the idea of Jesus/Jesus himself ever was.

I believe in humanity. I believe in Love. I believe in forgiveness and that a letter of gratitude left on a napkin is worth more than all the cash in my apron pockets. I believe in holding my friend's hands when they cry, and that a mother's love is priceless beyond measure. I believe that one act of kindness goes a long way, that one selfish deed goes just as far in a different direction - that we create our own destinies. I'm an existentialist, and I believe in the fight against the absurd. I believe in hope, and that as beautiful as the story is, it did not spring from a box opened by a curious girl with a curious name, but rather sprang from the human heart because we are brave enough to believe in the goodness of mankind.

Hell does not exist. It is another storyland - and a frightful one at that.

At the end of the road of life I -terrifyingly enough (and I think it's ok to be afraid of death - living, afterall, is such a beautiful thing) - will cease to be, entirely. I can only hope that I will be happy when I die. I'm not a perfect person - I get angry, and I've had my selfish moments. We all do. And hopefully, we're able to change.

The lack of my belief in any hell or light of any god does not give me freedom to go robbing banks - it is my belief in love that keeps me safe, and happy, and content (for the moment, until I can get a better-paying job) with the money I make at the restaurant.

That this life is all I have makes it that much more precious and all the more important to live it to it's fullest. I create my heaven (or hell) here.


So after my speech, the group of girls were shaking their heads - except one.

And that one ran over to me when I was heading back to the dorms. And this happened (I kid you not, ya'll, it's one of my fondest memories):

"Hey, I just wanted to let you know... those girls said some pretty mean things about you after class- I didn't know if you heard them. And I'm sorry."

"It's ok, it happens." I shrugged. "Different beliefs."

"Well, no - it's not just that. See, they weren't being Christians. I'm Christian. And you aren't a bad person. To me, and most of us, I hope, God is Love. So see? We believe in the same thing."

Then she hugged me, and I was quite overwhelmed. We were both kind of teary-eyed. It was one of those things you see in Lifetime movies.


As for existentialism, I described my look on it with an analogy to a philosophy major friend when he stated that existentialism was kind of depressing.

"This is how I see it. It's like working as a waitress. In the restaurant, you never know who you'll get. They've come in from far and wide, different shapes and sizes, rich and poor - so poor they've had to walk out, so rich that country green beans just don't cut it for them. You never know what personality you'll end up with. You also never know if you're going to run out of a much-loved food item at the last minute and have to go back and tell the table, There are angry people and there are nice people, people who don't smile and people who can't stop laughing, children that throw crayons, children that tell you about their day. And no matter how frustrated I get with anyone, because of food, because of how many tables - or how few tables - I have, I still try and be nice. I could work as hard as hell and get nothing, but I still try. Because there was that one man who came in alone and left me a twenty and a compliment, because there was another lady who left me a heartfelt note on her receipt, because one little boy told me he liked my eyes. You never know, with life - it's absurd, it's wild. You can only do your best. If you need to cry, that's what friends are for (and in the restaurant business, waitress friends are important to have), and breakrooms. If you need help, the same. Overall, a smile goes a long way - that's really what I work for (but I'm not gonna lie, rent's kind of important too)."

Basically, why can't we all just hold hands and sing a long to the Beatles? We're all so beautifully different - a small, select group of people not-so-beautiful (murderers, rapists, etc)- and yet more alike than we can possibly imagine. We can say, "I'm a Christian," or, "I'm an atheist," all we want, but at the end of the day, I'm Haleigh, and she's Jessica, and we're both here to live.

I sound like such a hippie.

I think that ends this bit! If you read it - go you! That's a lot! o_o