Halls of the Dark Muse

I am far from being a paranoid person. I am not someone who constantly worries about bad things happening, and is always expecting something to happen, I really haven't much fear of having someone break into the house, or of being assaulted or anything of that nature.

I live in what I would consider to be a particularly safe neighborhood, and I never truly feel as if I am in any real danger, nor I have ever really been in a situation of high danger, and yet, I have some traits that are very much like that of a wild animal.

Perhaps it is just my natural fighter's instinct within me, but my fight and flight impulses are very highly attuned and run on a hair-trigger.

One thing, when I am out, I hate to have other people behind me, even when I am with people who I know, I hate if I end up being in front, I do not like the feeling of having other people walking behind me. When I go out on my walks and someone comes up behind me it makes me uncomfortable, I want to keep looking back at them, and I end up either walking ahead faster to put more distance between us, or letting them just go past me.

Today I was out taking my walk, and listening to my ipod, and getting lost inside of my head. As it often tends to happen when I go out walking, when my music is on, my thoughts begin to wander around various labyrinths, and I live inside of my head, and my body just goes into auto pilot. When I was suddenly jerked out of my thoughts by the sound of someone coming up behind me unexpectedly and instantly the fight or flight response kicked in, and I became tense and spun around as if I had expected to be attacked and I was ready to throw down. And well it turned out to be just a woman who was out jogging.

One other time I very nearly knocked someone off of their bicycle. It was in the evening and had grown dark already and I was on my way home from the store, and right along side the sidewalk was the bike lane. So I am walking along, when I get this feeling of someone being behind me and catch out of the corner of my eye a movement of someone coming up on me, so my instinct just kicks on and I am ready to just act on impulse without thought, and fully prepared to turn around and strike out as soon as they come within range when right at the split second before my reflexes I registered that it is just someone riding by upon their bike.