Imported Poems

For you, Andave...(since you like to read blogs...)

Well, I suppose I shall talk about myself again. For this reason, to me blogging seems to be the ultimate vanity, an unadulterated exercise in narcissistic self-worship, with the unspoken presupposition that one is fascinating and intriguing enough to be read and appreciated by others.

I believe this is why therapy never worked for me. "Hi, let's talk about you," says the therapist. "Let's not" say I, "and find another topic of discourse. What do you like to do in your time away from the office?"

I really don't like to talk about myself. I live with me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, which is hardly tolerable as it is. Some people, however, don't live with themselves - they only visit on occasion, and then others, they never come around, and when - in the aftermath of some tragic event - they discover themselves, they turn and run away in the opposite direction. Meanwhile, I live with me under fairly intimate circumstances; there is nary a dark corner I haven't examined or explored to discover it's contents. Sometimes I drill down so far into my core, I wonder if I can make it out.

Here's my new theme song, courtesy of Linkin Park:

GIVEN UP
Wake in a sweat again
Another day's been laid to waste
In my disgrace
Stuck in my head again
Feels like I'll never leave this place
There's no escape

I'm my own worst enemy

I've given up...
I'm sick of living
Is there nothing you can say?
Take this all away
I'm suffocating!
Tell me what the F is wrong with me!

I don't know what to take
Thought I was focused but I'm scared
I'm not prepared
I hyperventalate.
Looking for help somehow somewhere
And no one cares

I'm my own worst enemy

I've given up...
I'm sick of living
Is there nothing you can say?
Take this all away
I'm suffocating!
Tell me what the F is
Wrong with me!

GOD!
Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my...
Put me out of my F-ing misery!

YEAH! You know, EMO is nothing more than GOTH respun in adolescent male terms, except EMO's think cutting is kewl, and it's not. Goths knew better. We cut and we hated ourselves for it.

Okay, enough trivialities. I actually want to address Rich's comment about wishing to meet Mr. Spectacular, aka Anthony. Let me introduce you to him by way of listing his negative qualities and positive qualities. We'll do negative first (although, for some unfathomable reason *some* of his negative qualities are endearing to me):

FAULTS, FRAILTIES and FLAWS

- worldly ambition
- greed
- competitive
- vain
- duplicitious (questionable motives)
- hypocritical (but not like a pharisee. His hypocrisy stems from a strong super-ego knowing what is wrong/not desiring it and a strong Id with its impulses to the contrary. The ego - the balanced center of the two - is weak, and doesn't regulate well between the two competing forces.)
- uses beauty to control / manipulate others
- poor impulse control that leads to self-destructive behaviors, aka: smoking, drinking heavily
- limited self-knowledge
- occasionally rude/insensitive
- potty mouth when inebriated
- **compensatory narcissist complex** http://www.ptypes.com/compensatory-narpd.html

BLESSINGS AND GIFTS
- physically beautiful
- highly creative
- very intelligent/witty
- precious
- little puppy-dog personality (Love me! Love me! Love me!)
- sweet/sensitive (yes, I did just say he was rude/insensitive. He's a two or more-sided personality)
- spiritual
- moral (yes, I did say he has poor impulse control.)
- insecure (it's endearing)
- open to new ideas/forms/expressions, etc
- charming
- highly complex

That's Anthony: a study in oxymoronic language; an unsolvable paradox, and that is why I love him! He's a giant rubics cube with innumerable facets and angles that inspire me.