Imported Poems
Unanswered Questions
by , 05-25-2007 at 11:16 AM (1274 Views)
Okay, here it goes.
1. I have noticed a trend in responses to my writing that disturbs me. When I post my work - either here or one of the sites I actually sort of detest - few people reply, and if they reply, their comments are "nice work" or something along those lines. However, when I read other people's work, the comments are usually more specific: ie: "You mean effect, not affect in paragraph 3". "In paragraph one you say John Smith is 40, but in paragraph twenty you have him in college."
The only suggestion I have received (it seems to be a recurring theme, even in life when I am accused of "using big words" when I speak) is "Your vocabulary is too large". So, I am wondering if my vocabulary is "so large" that no one can understand what I am saying, and I am also wondering if it is really necessary to reduce my vocabulary to be published. Wilde, Fitzgerald and Lovecraft all have lovely vocabularies and they are in print.
2. I am having a difficult time finding publishers that are ready to publish. So far every reply I've received has said "we aren't publishing novels at this time", which is better than "we aren't publishing YOUR novel at this time". It's a universal rejection rather than an individual one, which I can handle. However, a recent publisher (one I sent a sample chapter and the Jules interview to) indicated - while the company isn't currently accepting novels - I should enter the two contests they host per year. I'm wondering if this invitation is a universal invitation to all submissions, or if the editor read my work and actually thinks I stand a chance of winning.
3. I am still in a great deal of angst over my severed relationship. I would go into extensive detail about it, except I made a vow of silence, and besides, if I got the whole thing out it would only take one individual before the entire situation would make every gossip column in America, and being a private person that would absolutely humiliate me. Plus, I would sound completely insane if disbelieved, so there are so many good reasons to keep my mouth shut about specifics.
However, let us go into an analgous relationship, okay? We are traveling back in time to the 1800s, before the internet, before people could hop on planes or travel in cars to arrive at their destination within hours. A woman has a friend with a cousin overseas. Lets call the friend Maury and the cousin Anthony (in keeping with Fitzgerald's "The Beautiful and The Damned").
Now, the woman has seen a picture of Anthony, and being a romantic and subject to beauty's overwhelming argument, has fallen in love with the sight of him. So, she writes him. Now, she (let us call her "Gloria", in keeping with Fitzgerald) is not so callow that she loves beauty to the exclusion of all other things, so over time, she falls in love with his soul.
He is - to her at least - not just a vision of beauty, but beauty incarnate: a spirit spoiled by its precious possession, a wild steed born with a natural gentleness but subject to destructive impulses, a soul aching for self-mastery and heaven but unsure of itself. She adores watching him - beauty is best when it is innocent, entirely free from the constraints of man.
Now, our heroine, being a gentle spirit herself and wishing beauty to mature as it should - does not desire to master our young Anthony, for to do so would unnaturally alter his handsome expression, and dull his gorgeous self-display. So, rather than bridle him and break him, she befriends this loveliness, and shows him - through example and a great deal of love and encouragement - goodness and virtue.
Well, our young Anthony matures into a wonderful creature. And then one day, her letters go unanswered, and then the next month, they are returned as undeliverable. She knows in her conversations with Maury - at least to the point where her letters are returned - that Anthony has read them. She knows because Maury brings up topics contained in them in conversing with her (though he is unaware of it).
Our Gloria is not just heartbroken, she is mute. Her world - once colorful with the loving expressions of him - is grey and silent. She can no longer converse, not because she has nothing to converse upon (she is a deep soul) but because the very act of conversing itself was an inspiration from Anthony. She inquires after Anthony (to Maury) to discover if he hasn't met someone and she is told he is still alone and happy with his pets.
As she watches beauty incarnate disappear into the forest, she wonders if she hasn't hurt him in some way, and chastizes and torments herself at the thought that some insensitivity on her part might have led to his shyness.
She speaks to Maury, and is told Anthony will not talk about the subject.
She resolves to try and get over Anthony, but she can't because she loves him so much, and because every time she visits Maury, she is forced to look at Anthony's picture on the wall. In fact, Anthony is universally loved, and their mutual friends also have Anthony's picture hanging on the wall. Gloria decides not to visit Maury and their friends, but she can't help herself. Time and time again she is drawn back to that house, to gaze upon the picture, because in the end, the picture itself is all she has left of him, a ghost of unattained bliss, of a bittersweet happiness she knew for a short time.
And that, my friends, is where our story ends.
Question: Why did Anthony leave Gloria?
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