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Help Me Please

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by
Countess
, 05-18-2007 at 11:18 AM (1468 Views)
As if it weren't bad enough my parents and son abandoned me for two months - they left for Virginia yesterday - the love of my life, my soul's inspiration, the very creature who heaven breathed down like fire in my mind and gave rise to every hope, every dream, every word contrived in desire, is gone: "Status delivery failure: unknown user."

My first reaction was absolute terror; my second was unmitigated despair, and then a third sprung up from somewhere, a hidden strength perhaps - I don't know. I just felt this rise of concentrated determination to be published - I have to be published; it is no longer an option; it is mandatory. If I am not published, I will die.

I feel like Job. God has reduced me to dust; I have lost my job; my possessions; my family, my love and my inspiration. I sit here staring out the window and am completely empty. I am dead. When that failure came in, I passed away. I am now one of the souless creatures I see on the street with hollow eyes. A zombie whose body is only alive.
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  1. andave_ya's Avatar
    But God lifted Job up and gave him twice what he had before! Have faith, not all is lost! Get published, Countess, your writing is way better than any junk you'll find on bookstores. Does your newspaper ever feature any stories? Maybe you could begin with that? There's a website called Fictionpress where you can publish your works on the net for free with non-spamming membership, perhaps that'd help? I think people comment on it, too. If there's anything I can do, I'm here.
  2. kathycf's Avatar
    Oh dear...Everything I can think to say doesn't seem right. I am here if you need me.
  3. andave_ya's Avatar
    I forgot to mention, too. The reason I didn't comment on your last chapter blog entry was because I didn't know what to say. It's GOOD! Don't doubt your work. God knows what He's about, and He certainly won't leave you hanging. You'll get out of this a stronger person than before.
  4. mtpspur's Avatar
    When I come tothe end of myself--then God grants peace but oh the struggle to admit the needs. You have a major advantage to being healed in the spirit and soul--you are aware of the need. I think you have fire within you and I honestly can't see you 'giving' up and becoming a zombie. I hope your mother and son will be back soon--was a trifle confused about that. I assume the unknown user was in reference to your friend you wanted to get to know better. With respect--keep writing and keep the want ads handy. There is work out there--if AAA keeps a warhorse like me around there's hope for everyone. One day at a time by the grace of God -- one day at a time. Might I suggest a careful reading of the Psalms? Again with respect and growing affection--Rich
  5. B-Mental's Avatar
    I've been there before Countess, and don't envy you that is for certain. There is no quick way out of this place you are in, but now is where you have the opportunity to seize the day. You can wallow in despair, or find that you choose not to. You pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and climb back up the mountain. Consider it a journey of discovery, and see what your bared soul looks like. Put it into writing. I found a lot of peace in nature when I was in your shoes...perhaps it will help you.